Category Archives: Massively powerful Techniques to Change and Improve your Life

My Decisions Kick Your Goal’s Ass

I used this method to quite smoking

Last New Year’s Eve I was thinking about what I want to change in the new year, as usual. One thing I wanted to change was smoking. I wanted to stop smoking.

I wasn’t a heavy smoker, mainly a social smoker, but in the last couple months of 2008, I found myself smoking more and more, to the point where I was smoking pretty much every day.

So I decided not to smoke any cigarettes in 2009.

It is five months later, and I haven’t had a cigarette since New Year’s Eve.

Decisions are different than goals

There is something very different about making a decision than setting a goal.

You decide to go grocery shopping, you don’t make it a goal.
You decide to go to work each day, it isn’t a goal.
You decide to buy a new pair of running shoes, you don’t set a goal to do it.

The difference is that decisions get done. Goals? Maybe.

When I decide to do something, I do it, and this is fundamentally different to me than setting a goal. When I stopped smoking, I got a lot of cravings for cigarettes. The first month or so, I reaaally wanted one. I knew, however, that I had decided I wasn’t going to have one.

It didn’t matter that I wanted the cigarette, because I had decided I wasn’t going to have one, so I didn’t. After all, why would I do something I decided not to do?

Give it the Decision Test.

If you are setting a goal, you are probably setting action items to go with it.

A goal without actions to achieve the goal is going to be hard to achieve.

(It is better to figure out what kind of results you want, and then figuring out what actions are necessary to make that result happen, but I digress)

Once you have these action steps, no matter what it is, put it to the decision test. Just decide to do it. See how that feels. Once you have decided to do it, it is a part of your life. You’re going to do it, because you decided to.

You can’t fail now!

If there is something you want to accomplish, see if you can just decide to do it. If you can’t decide to do it right now, then maybe it isn’t the right time yet to make this decision. Scale it back, wait a while, and make a smaller decision.

Decision '09!

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No Goals in 2009!

Goals are awful. Bad, bad, bad!

I think that New Years resolutions only exist to boost gym membership and anti-smoking patch sales every January.

New Years resolutions get broken. Period. Sure, the random person may stick to it, but chances are, you won’t.

It’s not your fault, either. It really isn’t. We don’t get taught how to make changes, we get taught how to stay the same.

If you wanted to stay the same, you wouldn’t be reading my blog. After all, I write this so you will change. I want you to change, at least, if you want to.

So no new years resolutions, ok?

OK.

Instead, make decisions. Let’s make some new years decisions. I’ve made some decisions. I’ve decided to stop smoking. I’ve decided to be in shape before I turn 30 (6 months away). I’ve decided to pursue some business oppurtunities, and create some business opportunities.

Now, these are pretty vague decisions, and the actual decision is much more exact and specific. I have decided to not smoke any cigarettes in 2009. I have decided to stretch and exercise every morning. I’ve got some specifics about my business, but I’m gonna keep those private for now 😉

There is a difference between making a resolution and making a decision. A resolution is nice, a decision is final. We are men, when we decide to do something, we tend to do it.

It is important when setting any sorts of goals. or making any sorts of decisions, to focus on the actions, not the result (I think this is well known by now, but if you want me to explain why this is so important, let me know).

For instance, a BAD goal is “I want to lose 15 pounds”. A GOOD decision is “I will jog three times a week and not eat any refined starches and sugars”.

A BAD goal is “I want a new girlfriend”. A GOOD decision is “I will talk to and meet a new woman every day”.

A BAD goal is “I want to make more money”. A GOOD decision is “I will write on my blog at least once a week”.

I think you are seeing the pattern.

If you are still thinking about New Years decisions, and want to discuss your goals and how to achieve them, write about it as a comment to this post below. I will respond to all comments about setting goals, and offer advice on coaching about how to define and implement them. Have you ever wondered what personal coaching is like? You can get a taste of it in the comment section below.

Happy New Year, I have decided to do that which will make this a satisfying and fun year. Come on and join me.

Your Resolution for the New Year: Start Walking

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Start Walking! It is the time of year for resolutions. A lot of guys who want to improve their lives (especially their LOVE lives) make resolutions around this time. A lot of men look back on their year and see that they want something to change. They are finally going to do the work to make the changes happen.

Now, New Year’s resolutions are notoriously hard to keep. I know it, you know it, and the 1,600 page copy of “War and Peace” that I read the first two pages of (after resolving to read that novel a few years ago) knows it.

I spent this New Year’s with my girl. We talked a bit about resolutions, and I told her I don’t really make any, because I can NEVER keep them. She said that the reason that people often don’t follow through on their resolutions is that they set the bar too high. She told me about a friend who always resolved to “run more”, but never did. Finally, this friend made the resolution that every day, she would put on her running shoes and step outside. This goal is easily achievable, I mean, all you have to do is step outside, right? What happened is that this friend ended up running more that year because the goal was easy to achieve, but more often than not it led to a nice jog.

Here it is, January 2nd, and I started thinking about this idea. I also have thought about one thing that I have noticed. The hardest part of any approach is taking that first step of walking towards a girl you want to hit on. Once you start walking, you don’t think about the nervousness as much, and your mind starts to think about what you are actually going to say.

Everyday, start walking towards a woman that you want to flirt with

Here’s the resolution I suggest for anybody who wants to talk to more women: Everyday, start walking towards a woman that you want to flirt with. That’s it. Resolve that EVERY DAY of this year, you will start walking towards a woman to hit on her. What you do after you start walking isn’t part of this resolution. All you have to do is start walking towards a woman every day. You just might surprise yourself.

The beauty of this resolution is that of and by itself, it is incredibly simple to succeed at. This very simple step, on the other hand, is also the very hardest step to make when looking at it as part of an “attempted pickup”. By looking at it as part of a simple goal to be achieved, you remove it from the context that makes it so nerve-racking.

I know I have to start walking towards some woman I want to flirt with on my way home from work today so I can meet this goal. Now, I know once I start walking I am gonna jump on the chance to flirt with her, and have some fun with it. I hope some of you will join in on this.

Oh, I have one other resolution, to watch all 21 James Bond movies and write up my reviews of them for my web site. I used the gift cards that my sister gave me for Christmas to buy the first two volumes of the complete James Bond collections. I don’t think this resolution will be a problem though

Good With Women

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Are you good with women?

Chances are that if you are reading this blog you either are good with women or are on your way to becoming good with women. Chances also are it was not always this way for you.

Last weekend, during PickUp 101’s flagship workshop, the Art of Rapport, I was working with a man who told me that for years of his life he was not good with women, and that he felt like 20 years of his life were working against him becoming this new person.

The interesting thing is, he IS good with women. The fact is, ANY man that goes through our Art of Attraction and Art of Rapport workshops is good with women. They just don’t always know it.

I really related with this guy. I remembered something I wrote about a year and a half ago on a local message board:

I have been wrestling with something internally lately, and if any of you have any comments, I would appreciate them. It is something that I think of as MAKING THE LEAP.

I was at El Rio last night. I almost didn’t come out cuz I knew I was in a weird mental state, but I forced myself for my mental health. I didn’t do any approaches, and I ended up heading home pretty early. It wasn’t approach anxiety stopping me, because that doesn’t stop me anymore. It wasn’t one-itis over either of the girls I’m working on right now, because that doesn’t stop me anymore either. It wasn’t lack of confidence either, because I have that when I need it.

I have the knowledge, and I have the confidence, and I have enough skill and charm to succeed, but I have a lot of trouble sometimes just letting go and BEING all this stuff.

What I am having trouble with is making the leap to adopting the identity of being successful with women, and being completely confident and congruent with this. I am having trouble being comfortable as a pick up artist.

Everything I have learned in the last year in the community has made a profound impact on me, but I am having trouble letting go of the old person I was and have been for the last umpteen years, and becoming the person I have the potential to be. This is the biggest thing holding me back from having the success I am capable of, but I haven’t quite been able to shake it.

Does this make sense? Has anyone had to make this kind of leap? How did you do it?

Or do I just need to say “f*ck it”, make the leap, and try to keep my feet running when I land?

As my student was explaining this feeling to me, I recalled how I used to feel. Then, I had a flash. I told him that he was good with women. He kind of reluctantly agreed.

So I told him, “Tell me. Tell me you are good with women”

He kind of looked down, and said, “I am good with women”

“Tell me again!”

Same thing, he looked down, and said, “I am good with women”

“NO! Look into my eyes and tell me you are good with women”

He looked in my eyes, and flinched when he said, “I am good with women”

One last time I told him, “look in my eyes, don’t flinch, don’t look away, and tell me… that you are good with women”

He looked in my eyes and said, “I AM GOOD WITH WOMEN”

…

It was very powerful. By owning those words, I could tell that he was owning how it felt.

Find a friend, look into their eyes and tell them, “I AM GOOD WITH WOMEN.” You might surprise yourself.

Girl of the Day Mission – Introduction

Figuring Out Life and Love

With the Handsome and Charming Sean Deacon