Monthly Archives: March 2008

Thoughts On Peacocking

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Peacocks strut their stuff, and attract mates with their flashy, showy plumage.

Men can do the same thing. There are some schools of thought that say you should wear loud outrageous clothing and/or accessories when you go out to meet women, that it shows confidence and is attractive.

Here’s a couple things to keep in mind about this:

In theory, peacocking gear gives the girl a reason to open you. If you are wearing a funky this-or-that and a girl wants to talk to you, she can comment on it and safely open you. That’s one approach to this. In this case, find something that works for you. I wear a leather jacket with metal studs on the lapel, girls open me by commenting on it or touching it a lot. Same thing when I used to wear a steel chain as a necklace with a padlock (R.I.P. Sid Vicious). If this is the angle you are going for, find somethign that fits you, and who you are. I can wear that shit because I was a punk rock muthufucka back in the day.

The other thing to keep in mind, peacocking is mean to show confidence by wearing loud, flashy clothing. The wilder and louder, the more confidence and social savvy you have to have. One time I saw a guy wearing big old aviator shades and a loud tie in a club, and he was just resting against the wall, trying to look hardcore. In reality, he looked like someone that was trying to dress up for the night, but couldn’t really pull it off. When you wear loud, flashy clothing, people will expect you to be just as loud and social of a guy. If you’re not, it’s incongruent, and end up looking like a tool. This is just another thing to keep in mind. Your peacocking has to match your social gregariousness.

It's True: Flirting Is Meaningless!

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Yup.  All that flirting?  Worthless.  No value.  It means nothing.

I haven’t lost my mind, and flirting is still fun and effective.

I hear stuff like this from men a lot:

“If I go talk to her and flirt with her she will know I like her”.

“How can I flirt with a girl if I don’t really know her?  I don’t know if I like her?”

“If I tell her she is cute she has to decide right then if she likes me”.

For a man, just seeing a woman is enough for us to like her, or at least be interested in her.  This can get blown way out of proportion, so we feel like we are committing ourselfs to this woman, just for talking to her.  It’s as if we are putting everything on the line and stating how much we are interested that something work out between us and this woman.  It can get so blown out of proportion that for a lot of men, they think flirting is tantamount to professing your love for a girl (yes, a bit of hyperbole).

The thing is, though, it’s not.

Flirting means none of these things.  There is absolutely no commitment that goes along with flirting.  It is fun, and sexy, and interesting, and may spark interest, but in no way does this mean anything about your relationship with this woman.  After a man and a woman flirt with each other, there is absolutely no commitment or expectation.

If you flirt with a girl, there is no risk.

You see, what flirting really is is just a fun conversation, with some hints of romance or sexiness.  The key word here is fun.  The fun that you have when you are flirting doesn’t mean that you have to do anything after you have that fun, or that there will be any expectations based on that fun.

In practical terms, this means that you can flirt with the girl in front of you in line at the grocery store, on the bus or subway, or next to you in a bar, and not worry about it.  Let it be what it is, which isn’t much.

Now I’m not saying that this doesn’t mean it won’t ever go anywhere, if you start flirting with a woman, you can continue to get to know here, and move things along.  That’s where the flirting leads, in general.  The flirting itself though, does not lead to these things.  It is just a fun way to interact with a woman.

You should never let any fear of what it might mean if you flirt with a woman to stop you from doing it.