It's True: Flirting Is Meaningless!

2 Replies

Yup.  All that flirting?  Worthless.  No value.  It means nothing.

I haven’t lost my mind, and flirting is still fun and effective.

I hear stuff like this from men a lot:

“If I go talk to her and flirt with her she will know I like her”.

“How can I flirt with a girl if I don’t really know her?  I don’t know if I like her?”

“If I tell her she is cute she has to decide right then if she likes me”.

For a man, just seeing a woman is enough for us to like her, or at least be interested in her.  This can get blown way out of proportion, so we feel like we are committing ourselfs to this woman, just for talking to her.  It’s as if we are putting everything on the line and stating how much we are interested that something work out between us and this woman.  It can get so blown out of proportion that for a lot of men, they think flirting is tantamount to professing your love for a girl (yes, a bit of hyperbole).

The thing is, though, it’s not.

Flirting means none of these things.  There is absolutely no commitment that goes along with flirting.  It is fun, and sexy, and interesting, and may spark interest, but in no way does this mean anything about your relationship with this woman.  After a man and a woman flirt with each other, there is absolutely no commitment or expectation.

If you flirt with a girl, there is no risk.

You see, what flirting really is is just a fun conversation, with some hints of romance or sexiness.  The key word here is fun.  The fun that you have when you are flirting doesn’t mean that you have to do anything after you have that fun, or that there will be any expectations based on that fun.

In practical terms, this means that you can flirt with the girl in front of you in line at the grocery store, on the bus or subway, or next to you in a bar, and not worry about it.  Let it be what it is, which isn’t much.

Now I’m not saying that this doesn’t mean it won’t ever go anywhere, if you start flirting with a woman, you can continue to get to know here, and move things along.  That’s where the flirting leads, in general.  The flirting itself though, does not lead to these things.  It is just a fun way to interact with a woman.

You should never let any fear of what it might mean if you flirt with a woman to stop you from doing it.

The Flirting Never Stops

1 Reply

Last night I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. She told me that she was talking about me to some of her friends at work. She was telling them that over the weekend she was reminded that I still, after almost a year of dating, make sure that I flirt with her.

This is no accident.

We have all seen that boring couple. They don’t smile a lot, they don’t seem to be happy when they are together. They are together because of habit more than anything else. They look horribly bored.

We’ve also seen that annoying couple. You know the ones. They are the ones that laugh with each other, and they have their hands all over each other. They make us sick, because they are enjoying themselves so much.

The only difference between these two couples is that the second couple never stopped flirting with each other. They never stopped poking at each other, teasing each other, and playing. Flirting is such an easy thing to do, and it is fun for everyone involved. Almost nobody does this though. I think a lot of guys just don’t know how.

Do you know how to flirt with your girlfriend? If you are scratching your head, you need to listen to the CD on banter in the Surefire Attraction Secrets program. Flirting and banter isn’t just a skill that makes it easier to meet women. It will make your entire life better. Whether you have known a woman for 1 minute, 1 day, 1 month, 1 year, or 1 decade, you need to know how to flirt and banter. This is what puts the spice into a relationship. This is what keeps a relationship fun and exciting. This is what will keep your girlfriend happy.

And guess what. A woman that you keep happy, is going to keep you happy.

Learn this, and it will make your relationships work.

Take a look at it now.

The Pickup Artist, Episode 6

Leave a reply

The first part of this episode consisted of women showing off their lingerie.

What more do I have to say?  This part was good.

The challenge, to bounce a girl to another venue, was just kind of so so.

I love how clueless Pradeep is.  He exhibited this over and over, and it finally caught up with him.

I really wasn’t too excited by this episode, if you can’t tell by how little I wrote here.

Except for the lingerie, that is.

Should You Pay For A Woman On A Date?

2 Replies

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

There is tons of advice on this that floats around our information heavy day and age. I heard someone mention the advice that Tom Leykis gives, to not buy anything for a woman. He says that we are just perpetuating a culture of women that think they should have everything handed to them on a silver platter.

A lot of guys listen. They can see the points that he makes, and feel that they shouldn’t pay for a woman on a date. It’s time to show women that they can’t just take you for a ride.

I disagree, and follow the general rule that if I invite a girl out, I expect to pay.

Maybe you don’t think you should pay for a woman on a date. Now, you can keep on not paying for dates, that’s fine.

Realize that you are going to lose girls that you otherwise wouldn’t have by doing this. I did it too. My head was full of thoughts like “don’t ever pay for women” when I started to learn how to be better with women. And I lost girls that I other wise wouldn’t have. It comes with the territory, so be aware of that. It may be unfortunate, but screaming at a wall won’t make the wall go away.

The thing to realize though, is that spending money during a date for a girl, whether it’s a $3 ice cream cone, or a $10 sandwich, isn’t that big a deal. Objectively, I mean. Even if you are making minimum wage, it still is only half hour to a couple hours of work. In the grand scheme of things, and purely from an objective point of view, there is no big deal with this.

There’s something else going on here with guys that think this. Something that makes spending money on a woman seem like a bad idea. Now, there are way too many men in the world who are sad, hurt, and frustrated because of women. There are way too many men that feel like they can’t get the happiness they want with women. I was this way for years. It didn’t feel good. I felt powerless to get the thing I needed most.

I haven’t listened to very many of the shows that promote this attitude towards women and dating. That is mainly because when I have listened to them, I thought they were total garbage. What they do is give men a way to take all the pain, sadness and frustration they feel, and replace it with anger. It works well for them, because anger is much easier to live with than pain and sadness.

There is another way though, and it is often a bit more difficult. It takes a lot of work, and sometimes requires that men revisit the pain that they have because of their relations and interactions with women so far in their life.

When a man chooses this other way, he takes the pain, sadness, and frustration that he has had, and replaces it with fun, excitement, and happiness as he moves forward. It is a bit harder, but in my experience, it is far better. This is the way that we teach at PickUp 101.

The first step is to learn how to make a woman happy. Check out the program, Everything You Know About Women Is Wrong. It is a great place to start to make the changes, and follow the path to a happier life.

Click here now to find out more.

The Second Rule Of Meeting Women

2 Replies

The difference that following this rule makes is huge.  It is the difference between things starting well, and starting poorly.  It is the difference between things continuing well, and continuing poorly.

(You maybe wondering what the first rule of meeting women is – I’ll get to that)

This rule refers to such a simple thing.  You may think this is basic advice, or you may think that it is obvious.  The thing is, I don’t see every man following this rule when they approach a woman, and that is just wrong.  There is no reason not to follow this rule, because it is so easy to follow.

The second rule of meeting women is: Smile.

Yeah, that really is it.  Smile when you approach her, smile when you start talking to her.  I don’t want this to be a big goofy fake smile, but the kind of smile that is on your face after you have laughed about something with a friend.

This may seem so basic to the point of stupidity, but I still see tons of guys approach girls and not have a smile on their face.  Check yourself next time you are approaching a woman.  Are you smiling?  If not, stop, think of something funny, get a smile on your face, then proceed.

If there is any question about this, I will just answer it with a couple questions back.  Do you want a happy girlfriend?  Do you think a happy girlfriend wants a happy boyfriend?

OK, now that you are smiling, you may be wondering what the first rule of meeting women is.  That one is easy: Breath.

The Pickup Artist, Episode 5

Leave a reply

All right! Big fat Joe won the challenge!

This actually points out something really interesting. The challenge was to see who would seem the most comfortable wearing a speedo at a pool party with a bunch of hot women. Big Joe held court. What this points out is that you don’t have to be a body builder to have a lot of physical presence. Big guys like Joe (and me) can hold people’s attention be the alpha guy very easily because of their size.

The big lesson from this part is that the more comfortable you are with your body, the more attractive you will be. You’ve got what you’ve got, now flaunt it, and own it.

Pradeep exposed himself as the whiny, self absorbed, delusional guy that he is. When they were announcing the winner of the pool part contest, Mystery said one guy clearly stood above the rest. While everyone else was saying, “definitely, it was Joe”, Pradeep was standing there raising his hands like it should have been him.

There’s just something off about the dude, and I think it is arrogance. It is unattractive, and not a good way to make people like you.

The daygame portion of the show at a coffee shop felt like a farce. It felt needlessly complicated, and just… off.

Maybe this is because I am comparing it with my own daygame workshop, the Art of Rapport. I was teaching it all weekend. Me and four of my coaches taught 7 guys how to approach women during the day, get numbers, and get dates. You know what, they were able to do it too. After an evening of exercises to learn how to build rapport, followed by a few hours the next morning practicing how to approach women during the day, they went out to Union Square, met tons of women, got their numbers, and so on and so on.

It wasn’t as complicated as it seemed on this show. Walk up, get her attention, make her laugh by flirting with her, then get to know her. It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3.

I’m sure that Mystery’s techniques work, or he wouldn’t be teaching them. It just seems to me that during the day, it really is so much easier than you may think.

Improve Your Hand

5 Replies

This post isn’t about flirting with women.  Only read this if you want to be better with women though.

This post is a result of two things.  The first is a offhand statement I made in this post.  I said something along the lines of, “you’re not playing all your cards when you approach in a direct, sincere way, unless you have a weak hand.” Well, this got me to thinking, “how do you improve your hand?”

The second thing that motivated this post is that my parents came to visit last weekend. My parents don’t come up to San Francisco too often, and it is really nice when they do. We drank some wine, ate a huge, filling calzone at Uncle Vito’s, and had breakfast in Union Square.

One thing that my dad and I talked about is finances and wealth. I am learning how to make money, and I am learning about wealth. I am not wealthy now, but someday, I hope to be.  I am working on it.

This is the point of this article.  The easiest way to improve your hand with women is to get other parts of your life together.  Specifically, your health and your wealth.

I am a firm believer in the “health, wealth, and relationships” motto.  These three things are the most important aspects of a man’s quality of life.  By far.

When I don’t have one of these three things handled, I feel less confident.  My hand isn’t as strong.  I am gonna go out on a limb and say that this is universal. To feel confident as a man, we need to have these three things under control.

Now, what it means to have these three things under control is different to everybody.  Wealth to one person may mean having a yacht, two lamborghini’s and a house in the hills.  Wealth to someone else may mean a cozy apartment and a job they like that gives them enough extra spending cash.

What is important with all of these three things, it isn’t important to be the most successful person in this area.  I am not trying to tell you to be a Donald Trump triathlete that dates Carmen Elektra.  What is important is that you have the level of health, wealth, and relationships that you want.

…Or that you are working towards them.

This next part is the tricky thing. It is the cool thing. The thing that we are oh, so lucky about.

Your confidence will skyrocket if you just start making changes.  If you are trying to improve your health, starting to do something, like jogging, or eating healthier, will make you feel more confident.  It will make you feel more confident because you are doing something to get this handled. You don’t have to be able to run a half marathon, but starting the process of getting healthier will make you feel more confident about yourself, especially as you start to see results.

It’s the same thing with women.  If you go and talk to a woman today, even if it doesn’t go that well, you will feel more confident about this area of your life because you did something about it.  The same thing goes for wealth.

What I am really trying to say here is to pay attention to these other things in your life other than your relations with women.  Getting them handled will improve your overall confidence.  You don’t have to completely solve the problem, but just starting to take action will itself make you feel more successful and confident.

It is important that you actually do something about it though.  Reading an exercise book doesn’t cut it, but going for a quick jog does.  Reading Start Late, Finish Rich doesn’t do anything about it, but finding a way to save a dollar or two every day does.  Reading my blog doesn’t do anything about it, but talking to a woman today does.

Improve your hand.  Give yourself pocket aces.

Now I’m gonna go for a jog.

The Pickup Artist, Episode 4

2 Replies

I was bored by this episode. Maybe it was because I was watching it on my iPod while stuck in traffic going over to my buddies house in the East Bay during rush hour, maybe it was just not as exciting as past episodes. This post is as proportionally short as I was excited about this episode.

Neat. They got to kiss a girl. They did make a really good point though: Kissing Is Important.

I have gone out with girls because they were good kissers, and I have been turned off by girls that were bad kissers. It is a very important skill. Watch the episode to learn more, they actually did a pretty good job of teaching this. It was sexy and fun too.

I was disappointed by the elimination. Scott was working really hard to learn this stuff, and he was showing some improvement. He was very eager, and really wanted it. Granted, he isn’t that socially savvy, but he can learn that. I hope he continued on this path after the show was over.

I can see why they kept Pradeep (sp?), because he acts like a prick, and this creates drama, which makes the show more exciting, which means better ratings. Mystery made the right decision for the success of his show.

Sorry, Scott. You’ve got to be more dramatic. Your good nature and positive attitude won’t get you ahead in this world.

How To REALLY Approach Directly

2 Replies

“Direct” game is so hot right now. Everyone seems to be using it, trying it, and having fun with it.

What is it? Direct game refers to a way of approaching a woman where you make it perfectly clear why you are talking to a girl. Usually your interaction will start with the words, “excuse me, you are really cute”, or something similar.  You let her know right away that you are approaching her because you are attracted to her and want to meet her.

A direct approach is efficient. Starting out very directly leads straight into building rapport, there is no beating around the bush. It’s like being in the electronic toll lane at the Bay Bridge rather than waiting to pay a cash toll. There is still all the traffic on the bridge, and you have to wait for the metering lights, but you zip right by the toll booth!

Some guys screw it up though. Here’s what direct game is really about.

“Direct” Does Not Mean Direct

The term “direct” brings attention to the words that are used, rather than the emotion behind it. A much better word to describe what is going on with a “direct” approach is sincere.

I can say, “you are really cute” to a woman in a very playful (indirect) way, or in a very sincere (direct) way. The words are the same, but the way I say it is totally different depending on my attitude.

If I am in a bar or club and tell a girl, “Oh, my god, you are really cute. This one is gonna be my new girlfriend. You guys don’t mind, right? Wait, can you cook?”, this is indirect. It is playful and flirtatious, but do you seriously think that any girl would think that I am approaching like that because I genuinely and sincerely want to meet her? Meh.

If I am walking through the plaza and see a girl sitting at a bench and say, “I know this is totally out of the blue and kinda random, but you are really cute. I knew I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t come meet you. I’m Sean. Mind if I have a seat?”, this is direct. There is no way this will be confused for me just being a fun, playful, social guy.

The “opener” uses the same words though: “you are really cute”. The difference is that one example was playful, the other was sincere.

It Doesn’t Mean Much

Guys have this crazy notion that they are playing all their cards if they approach directly. This is just not true, unless you have a very weak hand. It seems like sometimes when guys use direct game, they treat it as saying, “I like you. Do you like me?”

A sincere opener is just an explanation of why I started talking to a woman. That’s it. I’m not telling her, consciously or subconsciously, that I love her, or that I want to be dating her, or anything like that. I’m not even saying that I like her. All I am saying is that she is attractive, and that is enough for me to start talking to her. That’s not really a big deal. When I approach a woman in a sincere way, I have the attitude of, “I am attracted to you. That’s exciting, but not the end all be all. Now I want to see if we like each other.”

What often happens when a man approaches sincerely is that he treats it like he has told a woman, “I like you”, when actually he is just attracted to her. Now, we’re men, a woman being attractive is usually enough to make us like her. If this is your M.O. with women right now, that’s fine. A direct, sincere approach to meeting them won’t serve you though. You are better off using a high energy, high attraction approach.

If someone approaches sincerely, and has the feeling that, “now she knows I like her”, then it might not go so well. The whole interaction will be skewed by the emotional discrepancy between how the man feels and how the woman feels. When people feel different things it tends to push them apart rather than pull them closer together. A better approach is to feel like, “she knows I am attracted to her, and of course I am. Now let’s figure out who each other is, and if we like each other.”

Wow, She’s Gorgeous

Nature programmed us men to get all these jumbly feelings when we see an attractive woman. When we see an attractive woman, our heart rate increases, and we get excited. Part of the power in a direct approach comes from being able to handle those feelings, and to treat them as what they are, a motivation to meet a woman, and see what happens next.

I think it is easy for us men to confuse those feelings of attraction for the whole enchilada. By approaching in a sincere way, you have to accept those feelings of attraction, rather than ignore them, as guys sometimes do when they approach indirectly. When we express that attraction we feel in a sincere way to a woman, it makes us feel invested in her, and in the outcome. We let it be more than it really is.

Of course we are attracted to women. That’s what we do. We’re men. Don’t let that be any more, or any less than what it is.

You Can Do This

Learn to do this.

Sign up for the Art Of Rapport workshop. I am teaching this workshop next weekend in San Francisco.

I dare you to find out more.