Tag Archives: Nonverbal Communication

Touch Is Communication

Random lesson from a random memory today.

You may have heard how touch is important, how you should break the touch barrier early, and ramp up the touching as the relationship gets more intimate.

The real key to understanding your touch is to understand that it is just another form of communication.

The way you touch a woman, in the end, communicates with her.

One night, a long time ago, I met a woman out at the bars. After we had dated a few times, I asked her why she liked me. What was it that made her want to see me again that night we met?

She mentioned that she liked that I could approach her and start talking to her (confidence), and that I could keep up with her verbally (banter).

Then she said something that kinda surprised me. “You know how I knew you liked me?” she asked. “When you talked to me, you put your hand on the small of my back a little bit, and that’s how I knew that you liked me.”

A light bulb turned on above my head, and I realized that I had communicated with her with by the way that I touched her.

You can communicate that you are interested in her, that you like her, that you are feeling attracted to her, that you care for her, or that you are feeling intimate with her by the way you touch her.

Touch is pretty powerful stuff, because it is a very basic communication. You can say something you don’t mean, but you can’t touch in a way you don’t mean. One touch can’t be confused for meaning something else usually.

Also, the way you guys touch each other shows what is really going on with the two of you. If you and her have talked for hours, and really gotten to know each other, but haven’t touched much, the relationship still hasn’t progressed very far in terms of intimacy.

On the other hand, you and her may not have exchanged many words, but if you are comfortable touching each other, then things have progressed pretty far.


You’ve definitely seen it.

The guys that posture in the bar, trying to look tough, or sexy, trying to get the attention of women.

You’ve probably done it. When there is a hot woman around, you suck in your gut, stand up a little more, maybe talk a little louder. You’re posturing.

“Posturing” can be a dirty word amongst some dating and mating advisers. It is seen as being something you aren’t, you are pretending to be something, and you are not being yourself.

I was hanging out with DC, THM, and DBR the other night, and DC brought up posturing. We talked about how some people would say you aren’t being authentic when you posture, however, we have seen guys that go into bars, do this, and get chicks.

So, uh, what’s going on?

All animals posture, from little lizards to babboons, to us. Animals posture when they are attracting a mate, or when they are intimidating a rival. Posturing is a sign of being ready. Someone posturing is ready to mate, or ready to fight.

Well, if you are ready to do these things, then it really isn’t so bad, is it? You are just communicating to the world this fact.

The problem comes in when you aren’t actually ready.

If you are posturing in this way, projecting to women that you are ready for romance (so to say), women will have that expectation of you. If you and a woman start interacting, and your actions don’t jive with this, she will know you were “just posturing”. You didn’t mean it, and you didn’t have the goods to back it up.

When you aren’t actually serious, that is when you are “posturing” in the negative sense that the word is being used. In that case you are something about yourself that actually isn’t true. Not good.

If you are going to posture, just make sure you mean it.