Tag Archives: Goals

My Decisions Kick Your Goal’s Ass

I used this method to quite smoking

Last New Year’s Eve I was thinking about what I want to change in the new year, as usual. One thing I wanted to change was smoking. I wanted to stop smoking.

I wasn’t a heavy smoker, mainly a social smoker, but in the last couple months of 2008, I found myself smoking more and more, to the point where I was smoking pretty much every day.

So I decided not to smoke any cigarettes in 2009.

It is five months later, and I haven’t had a cigarette since New Year’s Eve.

Decisions are different than goals

There is something very different about making a decision than setting a goal.

You decide to go grocery shopping, you don’t make it a goal.
You decide to go to work each day, it isn’t a goal.
You decide to buy a new pair of running shoes, you don’t set a goal to do it.

The difference is that decisions get done. Goals? Maybe.

When I decide to do something, I do it, and this is fundamentally different to me than setting a goal. When I stopped smoking, I got a lot of cravings for cigarettes. The first month or so, I reaaally wanted one. I knew, however, that I had decided I wasn’t going to have one.

It didn’t matter that I wanted the cigarette, because I had decided I wasn’t going to have one, so I didn’t. After all, why would I do something I decided not to do?

Give it the Decision Test.

If you are setting a goal, you are probably setting action items to go with it.

A goal without actions to achieve the goal is going to be hard to achieve.

(It is better to figure out what kind of results you want, and then figuring out what actions are necessary to make that result happen, but I digress)

Once you have these action steps, no matter what it is, put it to the decision test. Just decide to do it. See how that feels. Once you have decided to do it, it is a part of your life. You’re going to do it, because you decided to.

You can’t fail now!

If there is something you want to accomplish, see if you can just decide to do it. If you can’t decide to do it right now, then maybe it isn’t the right time yet to make this decision. Scale it back, wait a while, and make a smaller decision.

The hidden curse of American Freedom, and how to break free of it

Our Country is free. What are you gonna do with it?

We have an amazing amount of Freedom in America. We have the freedom to make of ourselves, and our lives, what we want. Do you want to be rich? Famous? Have a big house? Lots of women? Lots of fun?

You can do pretty much anything in America, as long as it doesn’t hurt others.

So why aren’t you?

There is a hidden curse in the American lifestyle, and that is the curse of comfort.

Comfort is a nasty critter, it sneaks up on us and grabs us, and we usually don’t even know it. This critter can make us content with what we have, and make us feel good enough with where we are in life.

Comfort kills dreams.

Comfort makes us content with good enough.

One of the blessings of America is that it provides for people who just want to be comfortable, and it provides well. There is nothing wrong with good enough. If it you are happy with good enough, you will live a good life.

I have a feeling though, that if you are content with good enough, you wouldn’t be reading this blog.

How comfortable are you with who you are and where you are in life?

I don’t mean this in a “good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me” sort of way. I mean this in the sense of how much you are used to being who and what you are.

It is possible to not like your job, but be comfortable with it. It’s possible to be comfortable with not having a lean, muscular body, even if you want something different.

It is possible to be unhappy with your relationships with women, but be comfortable with it.

The source of all comfort

The comfort we have in life is strongly linked to our routines and habits. Sticking to our habits is very comforting. When we do something outside of one of our habits, it is uncomfortable. When you walk into a coffee shop and see a spectacular woman in there, is it your habit or routine to walk up to her and flirt with her? For most people in this world, the answer is no, and for those people, it is very comfortable not to approach her.

The blessing of the freedom we have in America is that we are free to do things that we are not comfortable with. We have the freedom to break our habits, and change our routines. This is no small thing. This is a luxury, and one that we can afford because of all of the comforts that we have in America.

How to break the curse of comfort

How do we break our habits and change our routines?

This is one of those questions where the answer is simple, but not easy.

It is like asking how to lose weight. The answer is simple, exercise and take in less calories than you burn.

Changing your habits and routines is simple: Do different stuff.

That answer, however, does not describe how difficult it is. In reality, there are a whole bunch of reasons why it is hard to change our habits and routines. It takes effort and diligence, and most of all, it takes an awareness of when the comfort of a habit is sneaking up on us.

Remember, comfort is a nasty critter that will sneak up on you. Even when you have started to make changes and do things differently, that critter might find you and grab you again. Before you know it you are back to your old comfortable habits.

Start by paying attention to your habits

I’ll have more about identifying and changing habits and routines in the future, but for those of you that want to start doing something today, pay attention to your habits, and when you are comfortable.

Everything you decide to do, ask yourself if you are doing it because it is exciting, and pushing you forward in life, or if it is merely the comfortable thing to do.

God Bless America, because we can have the comforts of life, while pushing the boundaries of what makes us comfortable.

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

Decision '09!

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No Goals in 2009!

Goals are awful. Bad, bad, bad!

I think that New Years resolutions only exist to boost gym membership and anti-smoking patch sales every January.

New Years resolutions get broken. Period. Sure, the random person may stick to it, but chances are, you won’t.

It’s not your fault, either. It really isn’t. We don’t get taught how to make changes, we get taught how to stay the same.

If you wanted to stay the same, you wouldn’t be reading my blog. After all, I write this so you will change. I want you to change, at least, if you want to.

So no new years resolutions, ok?

OK.

Instead, make decisions. Let’s make some new years decisions. I’ve made some decisions. I’ve decided to stop smoking. I’ve decided to be in shape before I turn 30 (6 months away). I’ve decided to pursue some business oppurtunities, and create some business opportunities.

Now, these are pretty vague decisions, and the actual decision is much more exact and specific. I have decided to not smoke any cigarettes in 2009. I have decided to stretch and exercise every morning. I’ve got some specifics about my business, but I’m gonna keep those private for now 😉

There is a difference between making a resolution and making a decision. A resolution is nice, a decision is final. We are men, when we decide to do something, we tend to do it.

It is important when setting any sorts of goals. or making any sorts of decisions, to focus on the actions, not the result (I think this is well known by now, but if you want me to explain why this is so important, let me know).

For instance, a BAD goal is “I want to lose 15 pounds”. A GOOD decision is “I will jog three times a week and not eat any refined starches and sugars”.

A BAD goal is “I want a new girlfriend”. A GOOD decision is “I will talk to and meet a new woman every day”.

A BAD goal is “I want to make more money”. A GOOD decision is “I will write on my blog at least once a week”.

I think you are seeing the pattern.

If you are still thinking about New Years decisions, and want to discuss your goals and how to achieve them, write about it as a comment to this post below. I will respond to all comments about setting goals, and offer advice on coaching about how to define and implement them. Have you ever wondered what personal coaching is like? You can get a taste of it in the comment section below.

Happy New Year, I have decided to do that which will make this a satisfying and fun year. Come on and join me.

Right Now! What Do You Want?

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Sexy goals My last post was about the importance of knowing what you want when starting a dating relationship. ‘Honour’ made an interesting comment on this post, “the hard part is how do you figure out what you want”. Well, I want to give you some guidance on how to figure this out.

Long life goals are good. They can give you vision and purpose. They don’t always help you figure out short term goals though. So, rather than ask yourself, “what do I want?”, ask yourself, “what do I want right now?” For example, a lot of men I talk to say that they eventually want to meet a really great woman and settle down with her. This is a great long term goal. This, however, does not necessarily lend itself to short term action. You may eventually want to find a great woman, but may feel that you want a lot more general dating experience. A short term, right-now goal that addresses this might be to casually date 3 women. Now, you know what you want right now.

By thinking in terms of what you want right now, this frees you from the worry about if this is really the right thing, or if you are making the right decision. You can change what you want right now all the time. You can decide tomorrow what you want, and do the same again the next day. If your long term goal is to settle down with a great woman, that doesn’t mean that has to be your short term goal as well. If you eventually want to date a lot of women, you may decide that right now you just want one girlfriend, to get the experience of being in a relationship.

There is no right or wrong answer.

You can take this further, and apply this idea to every woman you meet. If you meet a woman out at a bar, or out grocery shopping, or at a party, take a moment to ask yourself, “what do I want right now with this woman?” It doesn’t have to be the same thing for every woman. You may want something fun, casual, and physical with one woman, and a close, caring, intimate relationship with another.

Here is a way that I figure out what I want right now. I imagine it. I picture it. I imagine the type of relationship I want to have a with a woman. Then I picture another one. Then another one. Chances are, one of these will stick out to you. You will know which one. Now, here is a very important step to this. Forget about what other people think. It is really easy to get caught up in this pattern of “proving yourself” by dating a lot of chicks, or getting a lot of “notches on the belt”, or proving that you are a good “pickup artist”. This should be informed by one thing and one thing only. What you really want for yourself.

I hope this helps. I have to give credit to Lance of PickUp 101 for this idea. I first heard it verbalized by him, and it became a very useful tool for me.

Your Resolution for the New Year: Start Walking

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Start Walking! It is the time of year for resolutions. A lot of guys who want to improve their lives (especially their LOVE lives) make resolutions around this time. A lot of men look back on their year and see that they want something to change. They are finally going to do the work to make the changes happen.

Now, New Year’s resolutions are notoriously hard to keep. I know it, you know it, and the 1,600 page copy of “War and Peace” that I read the first two pages of (after resolving to read that novel a few years ago) knows it.

I spent this New Year’s with my girl. We talked a bit about resolutions, and I told her I don’t really make any, because I can NEVER keep them. She said that the reason that people often don’t follow through on their resolutions is that they set the bar too high. She told me about a friend who always resolved to “run more”, but never did. Finally, this friend made the resolution that every day, she would put on her running shoes and step outside. This goal is easily achievable, I mean, all you have to do is step outside, right? What happened is that this friend ended up running more that year because the goal was easy to achieve, but more often than not it led to a nice jog.

Here it is, January 2nd, and I started thinking about this idea. I also have thought about one thing that I have noticed. The hardest part of any approach is taking that first step of walking towards a girl you want to hit on. Once you start walking, you don’t think about the nervousness as much, and your mind starts to think about what you are actually going to say.

Everyday, start walking towards a woman that you want to flirt with

Here’s the resolution I suggest for anybody who wants to talk to more women: Everyday, start walking towards a woman that you want to flirt with. That’s it. Resolve that EVERY DAY of this year, you will start walking towards a woman to hit on her. What you do after you start walking isn’t part of this resolution. All you have to do is start walking towards a woman every day. You just might surprise yourself.

The beauty of this resolution is that of and by itself, it is incredibly simple to succeed at. This very simple step, on the other hand, is also the very hardest step to make when looking at it as part of an “attempted pickup”. By looking at it as part of a simple goal to be achieved, you remove it from the context that makes it so nerve-racking.

I know I have to start walking towards some woman I want to flirt with on my way home from work today so I can meet this goal. Now, I know once I start walking I am gonna jump on the chance to flirt with her, and have some fun with it. I hope some of you will join in on this.

Oh, I have one other resolution, to watch all 21 James Bond movies and write up my reviews of them for my web site. I used the gift cards that my sister gave me for Christmas to buy the first two volumes of the complete James Bond collections. I don’t think this resolution will be a problem though

Figuring Out Life and Love

With the Handsome and Charming Sean Deacon