Tag Archives: Direction

Get What You Want, Player

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I was having lunch with a friend of mine yesterday, and we were talking about where we were in life, and what we wanted. She called me a player at one point, and I laughed and told her that I certainly was.

I thought about it for a second though, and I told her, “You know what a player is. A player is a guy that knows what he wants in life and goes out and gets it.”

She joked around that I always get what I want, and we had some fun after that.

That’s what a player is though, someone who knows what he wants and goes about getting it. A player knows what he is all about, and is OK with it. He has come to terms with it, and has no guilt over it. He has no shame about what he does, or what he wants.

This is a good thing. Knowing what you want and going about getting it is one of the most valuable life mindsets there is. If you have any hang ups, or guilt, or shame about the things that you want, then you need to work past that, and learn to treat yourself first. Be selfish, and be greedy with what you bring into your life. It’s ok.

If you are just lazy, then you need to think long and hard about what you want, if you really want it, and if it is worth the effort and work that it will take.

I read a little David Deida last night, and something stuck with me. He wrote that it is never going to end. It is never going to be over. You are never going to get to that “one day” when everything falls in to place and the time is right to do what you really want to do. Do it now. Get to it, because if the time isn’t right, the time is never going to be right.

Let’s go out and get what we want.

Right Now! What Do You Want?

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Sexy goalsMy last post was about the importance of knowing what you want when starting a dating relationship. ‘Honour’ made an interesting comment on this post, “the hard part is how do you figure out what you want”. Well, I want to give you some guidance on how to figure this out.

Long life goals are good. They can give you vision and purpose. They don’t always help you figure out short term goals though. So, rather than ask yourself, “what do I want?”, ask yourself, “what do I want right now?” For example, a lot of men I talk to say that they eventually want to meet a really great woman and settle down with her. This is a great long term goal. This, however, does not necessarily lend itself to short term action. You may eventually want to find a great woman, but may feel that you want a lot more general dating experience. A short term, right-now goal that addresses this might be to casually date 3 women. Now, you know what you want right now.

By thinking in terms of what you want right now, this frees you from the worry about if this is really the right thing, or if you are making the right decision. You can change what you want right now all the time. You can decide tomorrow what you want, and do the same again the next day. If your long term goal is to settle down with a great woman, that doesn’t mean that has to be your short term goal as well. If you eventually want to date a lot of women, you may decide that right now you just want one girlfriend, to get the experience of being in a relationship.

There is no right or wrong answer.

You can take this further, and apply this idea to every woman you meet. If you meet a woman out at a bar, or out grocery shopping, or at a party, take a moment to ask yourself, “what do I want right now with this woman?” It doesn’t have to be the same thing for every woman. You may want something fun, casual, and physical with one woman, and a close, caring, intimate relationship with another.

Here is a way that I figure out what I want right now. I imagine it. I picture it. I imagine the type of relationship I want to have a with a woman. Then I picture another one. Then another one. Chances are, one of these will stick out to you. You will know which one. Now, here is a very important step to this. Forget about what other people think. It is really easy to get caught up in this pattern of “proving yourself” by dating a lot of chicks, or getting a lot of “notches on the belt”, or proving that you are a good “pickup artist”. This should be informed by one thing and one thing only. What you really want for yourself.

I hope this helps. I have to give credit to Lance of PickUp 101 for this idea. I first heard it verbalized by him, and it became a very useful tool for me.

Do You Know What You Want?

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Know what you want!Do you know what you want?

Do you know how you want a relationship to be? Do you know how often you would want to see the girl? What kind of dates you go on? How long before you have sex? Do you know how you want the girls you date to behave? What you want them to do for you?

Take a look inside yourself. It is very important to know these things.

More importantly than knowing these things, when you are dating a woman, put the importance of these criteria ahead of whether or not she likes you. This might seem a little counter intuitive. A man usually get into a rut with a girl he is dating by thinking “what can I do to make sure she likes me?” This kind of thinking is actually counter productive. I have talked to a lot of women who say they want a man that knows what he wants. You know why? It is confident.

When you proceed based on what you want, you have direction, and a plan. The next step is to follow that plan as closely as possible. If you are the kind of man that likes to get alone with a girl on a first date in a romantic place and make out with her, meet her at a bar in the Mission for a quick drink then go for a walk to Dolores Park (or the equivalent in your city). If you like to have sex on a first or second date, know in your head how and where this is going to happen.

Now, it doesn’t matter if everything goes according to plan. That is completely besides the point. The important thing is to actually know what you want, and you have a direction that you want to take things. A lot of men don’t really actually know what they want from a dating relationship, and they fumble around things, and make excuses like, “well, I want to spend some time getting to know her.” Meanwhile, deep down they want to be, well, doing something else. If you actually do want to just get to know her, that is fine. Just understand that that is what you want, and proceed confidently in that direction.

The only thing you can lose from this is a relationship that isn’t what you want anyway.