“Direct” game is so hot right now. Everyone seems to be using it, trying it, and having fun with it.
What is it? Direct game refers to a way of approaching a woman where you make it perfectly clear why you are talking to a girl. Usually your interaction will start with the words, “excuse me, you are really cute”, or something similar. You let her know right away that you are approaching her because you are attracted to her and want to meet her.
A direct approach is efficient. Starting out very directly leads straight into building rapport, there is no beating around the bush. It’s like being in the electronic toll lane at the Bay Bridge rather than waiting to pay a cash toll. There is still all the traffic on the bridge, and you have to wait for the metering lights, but you zip right by the toll booth!
Some guys screw it up though. Here’s what direct game is really about.
“Direct” Does Not Mean Direct
The term “direct” brings attention to the words that are used, rather than the emotion behind it. A much better word to describe what is going on with a “direct” approach is sincere.
I can say, “you are really cute” to a woman in a very playful (indirect) way, or in a very sincere (direct) way. The words are the same, but the way I say it is totally different depending on my attitude.
If I am in a bar or club and tell a girl, “Oh, my god, you are really cute. This one is gonna be my new girlfriend. You guys don’t mind, right? Wait, can you cook?”, this is indirect. It is playful and flirtatious, but do you seriously think that any girl would think that I am approaching like that because I genuinely and sincerely want to meet her? Meh.
If I am walking through the plaza and see a girl sitting at a bench and say, “I know this is totally out of the blue and kinda random, but you are really cute. I knew I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t come meet you. I’m Sean. Mind if I have a seat?”, this is direct. There is no way this will be confused for me just being a fun, playful, social guy.
The “opener” uses the same words though: “you are really cute”. The difference is that one example was playful, the other was sincere.
It Doesn’t Mean Much
Guys have this crazy notion that they are playing all their cards if they approach directly. This is just not true, unless you have a very weak hand. It seems like sometimes when guys use direct game, they treat it as saying, “I like you. Do you like me?”
A sincere opener is just an explanation of why I started talking to a woman. That’s it. I’m not telling her, consciously or subconsciously, that I love her, or that I want to be dating her, or anything like that. I’m not even saying that I like her. All I am saying is that she is attractive, and that is enough for me to start talking to her. That’s not really a big deal. When I approach a woman in a sincere way, I have the attitude of, “I am attracted to you. That’s exciting, but not the end all be all. Now I want to see if we like each other.”
What often happens when a man approaches sincerely is that he treats it like he has told a woman, “I like you”, when actually he is just attracted to her. Now, we’re men, a woman being attractive is usually enough to make us like her. If this is your M.O. with women right now, that’s fine. A direct, sincere approach to meeting them won’t serve you though. You are better off using a high energy, high attraction approach.
If someone approaches sincerely, and has the feeling that, “now she knows I like her”, then it might not go so well. The whole interaction will be skewed by the emotional discrepancy between how the man feels and how the woman feels. When people feel different things it tends to push them apart rather than pull them closer together. A better approach is to feel like, “she knows I am attracted to her, and of course I am. Now let’s figure out who each other is, and if we like each other.”
Wow, She’s Gorgeous
Nature programmed us men to get all these jumbly feelings when we see an attractive woman. When we see an attractive woman, our heart rate increases, and we get excited. Part of the power in a direct approach comes from being able to handle those feelings, and to treat them as what they are, a motivation to meet a woman, and see what happens next.
I think it is easy for us men to confuse those feelings of attraction for the whole enchilada. By approaching in a sincere way, you have to accept those feelings of attraction, rather than ignore them, as guys sometimes do when they approach indirectly. When we express that attraction we feel in a sincere way to a woman, it makes us feel invested in her, and in the outcome. We let it be more than it really is.
Of course we are attracted to women. That’s what we do. We’re men. Don’t let that be any more, or any less than what it is.
You Can Do This
Learn to do this.
Sign up for the Art Of Rapport workshop. I am teaching this workshop next weekend in San Francisco.