Tag Archives: Conversation

Understand the attractive woman’s experience

An attractive woman gets hit on constantly when she is out at the bar or club. You have no idea how frustrating and annoying this is to her.

Last Saturday night during an Art of Attraction workshop I ended up talking to two women up on the rooftop bar we went to. One of them was cute with the type of round face that I like, and she was wearing this interesting, funky hat that conveyed some nice personality. She laughed at the things I said too, which is a quick way to win me over.

Her friend was blonde, and had nice large breasts that she was not shy about sharing with the world. The dress she was wearing was very revealing, God bless her.

The girl with the hat and I hit it off, and got a lot of time to get to know each other. Her friend, the blonde, was being a good wingwoman, and giving us our space to talk.

They practically lined up for her

It was very interesting to see that the friend of the girl I was hitting on was never left alone.

It turns out (surprise, surprise) that if you are a blonde, attractive women with big breasts, you get hit on. A LOT. Even more so if you wear a dress that reveals just how much assets you have.

The three of us eventually left the rooftop bar to go to the lower floors of the club. My girl and I were getting closer as we checked out the scene of the dance floor from the balcony, and her friend was just kind of hanging back 10 feet or so.

A few guys approached the friend while we were hanging out on the balcony. She talked to them for a few seconds or a minute, then blow them off. 10 to 30 seconds later, there was another guy coming up to her to hit on her.

It was really rather absurd how often she got hit on. It was frequent enough to make her night a very frustrating night. in fact, when I first approached the two of them, I could see this frustration in her response. She was annoyed by yet another guy approaching them. This kinda changed when I got her to laugh a little with my banter, and she saw that me and her friend were getting along well.

I want to get back to this woman’s experience though. She could not be left alone by men approaching her. Most of them approached in the same, boring, “playing it cool” way that every other guy did. After a while, I don’t think any type of approach would stand out to her.

Spare some change?

The closest experience to this for a man that I can think of is when we are constantly asked for money by homeless people.

In San Francisco, there are a lot of homeless folks on the streets. I work downtown, and live by Union Square, two areas that have a very dense homeless population. As I walk to work, walk around at lunch, and walk about my neighborhood, I am constantly bombarded with people asking for change.

After a couple times, I just tune it out and ignore it. It doesn’t matter how compelling their reason for asking for my money is, I tune it out. Now imagine if this happened every minute for the 20 minutes it takes me to walk to work in the morning, and the 20 minutes it takes me to walk home.

I would be very frustrated; I would be thoroughly annoyed.

This woman must have been approached at least 40 times that night. I personally saw her get approached about 10 times in the 20 to 30 minutes that I was talking to her friend.

So what would it take for you to get that girl?

What would it take for the homeless guy to get your change?

Be different

You’re gonna have to be confident. You can’t be timid. Even more so than all of this, I think that showing some understanding of what she is experiencing will take you even further.

Show that you understand that she has been hit on all night, and relax. Don’t hit on her. Win her over by chilling out, and getting to know her. Have a real conversation with her, and don’t really try to “pick her up”.

This is far different than how most guys approached this woman. Most approached trying to show how cool they were, be a mack daddy, and get their groove on. By trying to stand out by being cool, they blended in with the rest.

The guy that would really stand out would be the one that wasn’t trying to be cool, that wasn’t trying to impress her or hit on her. The man that could walk up to her and have a normal conversation with her, taking time to find out who she really is beyond just blonde hair and body that gets a man’s blood pumping, is probably going to get a lot further than the guys trying to play it cool.

Taking some time to think about and understand a woman’s experience will give you great insight on how to approach and meet these type of women.

What's My Story?

The question, “what’s your story?” is just about the most awful question you can ask when you meet someone. Please wipe this phrase from your memory.

“What’s your story?” is really a non-question. It is a way of saying, “I have no idea what to say or ask you, so why don’t I put all the pressure on you to say something interesting?”

Whenever someone asks me what my story is, I usually ask them, “what do you really want to know?” I never know how to answer this question ,and I imagine most people don’t, man or woman.

You can do better. Easily. Spend 2 or 3 seconds thinking about what you really want to know, and ask that.

That said, I went ahead and wrote “my story”. I updated the about me page on this site. I wrote about how I got to be where I am now. It is a great story, if I say so myself, even if I did leave out the Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘N Roll. You’ll have to catch me at a bar and hear that part over a beer. Go ahead and read it and let me know what you think.

You can start reading the first part here.

What You Talkin 'Bout, Willis?

It should be clear that I think connecting with a woman is very important. Being a cool sexy guy is great, but any man that wants great women in their life needs to know how to connect with them. That is the subject of the Art of Rapport Workshop, and during the last workshop I instructed, I had a realization.

When I say realization, I mean that I found a way to describe something in a way I never have before.

I want you to imagine her. You’re sitting next to her, she is smiling, and clearly likes you. Then, you start to get into a deeper conversation. You tell her about the town you grew up in, or maybe about something you did when you were younger with a brother or sister.

What are you talking about?

Yes, you are telling some kind of story. You are talking about something that happened.

But what are you really talking about?

You are talking about yourself.

When you are telling someone a story about something that happened to you, remember that what you are really talking about is yourself. You are not talking about a list of events that happened in succession. You are talking about things you did, things that happened to you, and what these things meant and felt to you. The story of what happened is an excuse to really tell a woman something about yourself.

When you are talking to a woman, and telling her a story from your life, remember, this is not the time to talk about a list of events, it is a chance to tell her something about yourself. The story is just a tool to do that.


The ability to connect with women beyond an everyday, surface level is one of the main topics of the Art of Rapport Workshop. To find out more information about this workshop, click here.

Now go have a wonderful life full of wonderful women.

Building A Connection With A Woman

How do you build an emotional connection and increase intimacy with a woman? Conventional wisdom would probably say, “open up and share stuff about yourself”. Maybe you would here something like, “show how much you care”. Maybe you could “show that you appreciate her”.

These are good ideas. Kind of. These things will not do anything directly to really create a connection between you and a woman though. Sure they are nice, but when I say “connection”, I mean that feeling that makes a woman feel really with you. This is the feeling that makes her think about you when you aren’t there, and makes her feel really special when you are.

How do you do this? The real answer is pretty simple. A strong connection and intimacy is created between you and a woman when you share emotional experiences together.

Not sharing emotional experiences pushes people away, sharing them brings them closer. As I look at the intimate moments of my life, this has been the guiding factor behind all of them.

I did a talk on this idea and specific ways to implement it at a recent talk at a workshop.

I will be elaborating on this idea in coming posts, so stay tuned.