Tag Archives: Connection

How To Dress On A Date

The trick to dressing well on a date is to combine good style and making it look like you didn’t over think it.

I would be pleased to over think it for you, so that you don’t have to.

I think it goes without saying that it is best to wear clothes that flatter you and fit well. Show off your good assets.

Make sure you comb your hair too. My last significant girlfriend told me that she thought I had nice hair while we were on our first date.

Oh, and while we are on the subject, make sure you take some breath mints.

…Alright, back on track.

Another thing to make sure of is that your clothes are comfortable. This serves two purposes. First, you will be comfortable doing whatever it is you end up doing. Second, when your clothes are more comfortable, it helps you feel more comfortable being with this new woman.

The last thing that should guide your decision of what to wear should be that you feel like you look good wearing whatever it is you wear. It doesn’t have to be flashy or exciting, but you should feel like you look good in the clothes you decide to wear on a date. Your dates will go better when you feel sexy and attractive.

Here are some more guidelines that you may consider following beyond these basic rules.

Show different sides of your personality.

If I meet a woman out at a bar, and I am dressed casually, or dressed looking like a rocker in my leather jacket, I often plan the first date for some evening after work, when I will be dressed in a suit and tie. I like to show, with my clothing and style, different aspects of my personality.

This is similar to what I wrote yesterday about wearing accessories that are out of place with your overall look.

There is more to who I am than one particular stereotype, and I want to convey that with the clothes I choose to wear. At this time, I am working to convey breadth of character (depth comes later).

Not many people are always the same person all the time. We vary, sometimes we are fancy, sometimes casual, sometimes upbeat, sometimes mellow, sometimes professional, sometimes sporty, and sometimes slackers.

You can communicate this by wearing a different style of clothing on your date than you did when you met her.

Dress with a goal in mind.

On most first dates, I have a very specific goal in mind. I want to get to know the woman well, and to let her get to know me well. I want to build a connection quickly. I want us to feel like we know each other better after 1 date than she did the last guy after 10 dates.

With this in mind, I often tone down how I dress. I don’t dress as fancy or as flashy as when I met her. I want to communicate that this time together will not entirely be about flash and fun, but about substance.

By toning down my dress, I mean less accessories, less hip, fashionable clothing, less elaborate shoes (not less *nice* shoes though). Essentially, I shift away from dressing like one of the extremes of any stereotype.

Of course, this tactic fits into my overall goal of building a strong connection and rapport on that date. If you have other goals in mind, you can probably think about how you can dress to help communicate those goals.

Style is Communication

You may have noticed that pretty much everything I have written about style this week comes from the perspective of how to communicate to other people with your style.

Clothing and style is a *big* part of the non-verbal communication that we put out in to the world for everyone else to see and understand. No matter what we wear and how we wear it, we are communicating to women something about ourselves.

For a complete dose of learning about the language of style, get Dress For Success. It is a set of DVDs that goes in depth into style, and how it communicates with women.

Dress For Success costs less than a nice pair of jeans and shoes, and you will never buy the wrong jeans or wrong shoes again after watching this program.

Lance, who put this program together, offers a money back guarantee on the DVD program. You’ve got 6 weeks to try it out, and if it isn’t the right thing for you, you can return it for a refund. You’ve got nothing to lose. Except maybe your old crappy clothes.

Click here to go to the PickUp 101 website and get Dress For Success.

Your Attitude Will Create Her Attitude

Dating for Dorks continues. See the last couple posts for more on this subject.

Often times, us dorks think that we have to hide our nerdiness from women.

If we could, we would put all our toys, video games, comics, DVDs and D&D books away in some iron clad chamber where they would never be found.

For the non-geeky reading this, I want you to understand what it feels like.

Believe it or not, most people think geeks are lame

The stereotypes of people that like geeky stuff are pretty bad. Imagine comic book guy from the Simpsons, or a D&D nerd, or some weird kid that watches too much anime.

The thing is, geeky fanaticism for comics or star trek is just as geeky as going to a football game, dressing up in your team’s colors, and playing fantasy football. It is the same as a woman getting dressed up with her friends in dresses and heels, going to watch the Sex and the City movie and drink Cosmos.

D&D and Star Trek get looked down on by society far more than football and Sarah Jessica Parker do however. Us dorks have years of social retards and [fairly true] stereotypes that helped shape what people think of our hobbies.

All of this can make a guy fairly defensive or cautious with this stuff. I have read threads on comic book discussion forums about guys that were scared to tell their girlfriend that they read comics, and threads asking other people if and how they hide their hobby from people.

The key to making women comfortable

What I have discovered is that women will be just as comfortable with my dorky hobbies as I am. That is really all you need to know.

I’ll expand on this anyway though…

My dorky hobbies are just one part of my life. I have plenty of other stuff going on in my life, as I talked about in my last post. I don’t hide the fact that I have these dorky habits. I tend to keep a couple graphic novels laying around on my coffee table, I’ve got an awesome Batman with a Green Lantern Ring action figure on top of my fridge, a Cobra Commander figure in front of my computer monitor on my desk, and I even still have a copy of Iron Man #128 in my liquor cabinet.

Like I said, I don’t hide it. I don’t, however, flaunt it outrageously. I keep all my comics put away in my closet, along with most of my other stuff. I’ve just got a few of my favorite things out around my apartment, but most of it is put away where it belongs. When a woman walks in to my apartment, she isn’t walking in to Sean’s Amazing Dungeon of Comics and Toys.

Clearly, I’m not hiding all of this stuff from people. I don’t even talk about it unless they ask. If they do, I don’t make a bigger deal of it than it is.

The important thing for her to know isn’t that I am a geek, but that I am secure with myself, and that is why I don’t make a big deal about it. If she asks about it, or it comes up, I mention it, and maybe joke about it a little bit.

Her: “You read comics?”

Me: “Yeah, I love all that geeky shit”

~or~

Her: “How many GI Joe figures do you have?”

Me: “Well, I have to have enough to recreate the assault on Cobra Island [with a smirk]”

The 2 things NOT to do

There are two things I don’t do, and that is to try to downplay it or explain it. Both of these responses display a little bit of insecurity about your habits and hobbies. The insecurity is far less attractive than liking comic books and GI Joe ever could be.

When someone downplays something they will try to excuse it, or make it seem like an accident. They might say something like, “oh, that’s just some old junk”, or I tried it out, but I don’t really like it that much” or something like that. Don’t downplay your habits.

The other response that shows some insecurity is to try to explain it. If a woman asks me about my comic book hobby, and I were to try to explain to her that comics have really matured and that there is a lot of really good stuff out there and it’s not all just kid’s superhero stuff, then I would be trying to make excuses or explain it.

This is just a way of being defensive about something, and defensive behavior is almost always insecure behavior.

If you like something that is pretty dorky, or have a collection of the geekiest thing imaginable, be secure about it, and drop the need to defend, explain, or downplay it.

What if she doesn’t give up on it?

Often times, just being comfortable with your loves and hobbies will be enough for a woman to be comfortable with it.

From time to time, a woman may push the point though, and really dig into you about it. They may challenge you, call the hobby immature, whatever. The trick in these situations is to banter. In particular, the two types of banter I would use would be to self-deprecate and to exaggerate on the point.

When I say self-deprecate, I mean to take what she is saying about you that may be thought of as lame or dorky, and make it worse. Take it to the next level of dorkiness, and describe yourself as that. Exaggeration does pretty much the same thing. Here are a couple of examples of what I mean.

Her: Why do you have that figure? [pointing to Cobra Commander]
Me: Oh, that’s Cobra Commander. He’s there as a reminder that I should be taking over the world.
~or~
Her: Wow, you are a dork!
Me: If you think this is bad, you should see my place when I have the Star Wars bed sheets on.
~or~
Her: You know these kinds of toys are for kids, right?
Me: Well, they were out of the special limited edition variant, so I had to get this one.

All in all, the point of all of this is that you should be secure with yourself, secure about what you like, and not let anybody throw you off of that.

In the next post I will talk about sharing your dorky habits with women, and whether you even should in the first place.

Building A Connection With A Woman

How do you build an emotional connection and increase intimacy with a woman? Conventional wisdom would probably say, “open up and share stuff about yourself”. Maybe you would here something like, “show how much you care”. Maybe you could “show that you appreciate her”.

These are good ideas. Kind of. These things will not do anything directly to really create a connection between you and a woman though. Sure they are nice, but when I say “connection”, I mean that feeling that makes a woman feel really with you. This is the feeling that makes her think about you when you aren’t there, and makes her feel really special when you are.

How do you do this? The real answer is pretty simple. A strong connection and intimacy is created between you and a woman when you share emotional experiences together.

Not sharing emotional experiences pushes people away, sharing them brings them closer. As I look at the intimate moments of my life, this has been the guiding factor behind all of them.

I did a talk on this idea and specific ways to implement it at a recent talk at a workshop.

I will be elaborating on this idea in coming posts, so stay tuned.

Could You Love Britney Spears?

It is pretty clear that Britney Spears is unhappy. Her recent haircut extravaganza is a nice indication of this. A lot of people are unhappy in this world. Now, I don’t know the trials of the superstars, and I am sure that they have a whole slew of unseen pressures and responsibilities. I think that for most people though, happiness, or a lack thereof, can be tracked back to health, wealth, or relationships.

Now, we can assume that Britney’s wealth is not driving her into manicdom. Health, well, maybe, but not likely. Relationships? Oooh… we may have a winner.

How would you go about loving Britney Spears? Do you think you could build a connection with her? Do you know how you would even begin?

Forget about Britney Spears. How about a chick you met last night at a bar, or this morning while waiting for coffee? Where would you begin?

I gave a talk a few weeks ago to a few lucky guys at one of PickUp 101’s workshops about building a connection with a woman, and I gave examples of things you can do from the first 10 seconds of meeting her all the way to when you have been dating for 10 months or even 10 years. This talk was recorded and is being released as a DVD to VIP customers.

Women crave a strong connection with a guy. It is powerful. This week I will be posting up my ideas on this, and things you can do right now to increase your connection with a woman.

Connection and Intimacy

I did a VIP talk this last weekend and had a blast.

I shared a lot of things that I have learned over the years, and was able to get the lovely Betty to come out to help and share some thoughts.

The recorded product will be going out to all of the subscribers to the PickUp 101 VIP Program in March.

I talked about building connection and increasing intimacy with a woman.

This is only important if, you know, you want women to want to have sex with you.

Hope y’all like it when it gets to you.

I’ll be posting up some of the ideas from the talk on this blog in the next couple weeks.