Tag Archives: Being Attractive

How to Be the Geek of Her Dreams

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I think that every guy who has some dorky habits dreams of finding the perfect woman, beautiful, fun, loving, and loves all of our geeky habits. She reads Spider-Man comics, loves anime, has a Slave Leia outfit, and may or may not speak Klingon (at least a few words).

I actually do have a friend who has found himself the perfect geek woman. One of the stops on their honeymoon was to a comic book convention, he had a Green Lantern ring made of Amethyst and Diamonds for Valentine’s Day, and they can actually use both the sentence, “we talked about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine for an hour”, and “we weren’t expecting things to go so well” to describe their first date.

I am very happy for them, and they are very happy together.

It is pretty rare though for a man to find a woman who shares his love for all things geek.

Have you been to a comic book convention? The guy to girl ratio is pretty darn high. It is not a place to go to have good chances of finding love. I hear Star Trek and Sci-Fi conventions are even worse (I’ve never been to one – honest!)

Most of the time, the geeky guy ends up dating a less geeky woman, just as a result of numbers. And that’s great! I’ve never dated a woman that was really into any dorky stuff. One of them said she really liked Star Trek, but she never really acted on it. She may have just been trying to impress me..

So now you’ve got a girlfriend, or a woman you are dating, because you have followed all my other awesome advice on this blog, and you are wondering how you can share your love of all things geek with her.

It makes sense, after all. I love comics. I really really love comics. I think the medium is incredibly fun, amazing, and has incredible potential for storytelling and communication. I also just love geeky comics of Batman kicking butt (or just making drawings on the walls of caves way back in time, as he seems to be doing now).

Of course I would love to share my love of this with a woman. It’s important to me.

But then again, there is reality

I came to a stark conclusion after a few desperate attempts to share with women just why comics are so cool: They don’t care. No matter how much I love comics, that isn’t going to transfer over to her. She’s not ever going to love Star Wars even a tenth as much as I do. It just isn’t going to happen.

An even more important conclusion for me was when I realized that not only was she never going to be really interested in what I like, was when I realized that I was OK with that. I don’t mind that she doesn’t love my geeky stuff. I still enjoy it just as much.

Of course, if she does show an interest, I am prepared to share some stuff with her. I’ll give her a Strangers In Paradise book, Sandman, or Bone, and see how she likes that. If she likes it, I’ll give her more. If she shows any interest in Anime, I’ll watch Totoro with her, or some other Miyazaki film. If she is interested in some Sci-Fi I’ll take her to the latest Star Trek movie, or give her Stranger in a Strange Land to read. I’ll test the waters to see if she groks it. What I won’t do is overwhelm her with the stuff I love, or put any pressure on her to try it out.

Maybe she won’t ever be interested though. That is fine. I actually am not too interested in dating a woman that likes comics or Star Wars. I like having my own hobbies and interests. I’ve found ways to allow that side of me, those geeky hobbies, to flourish, without the need to share them with the women I date.

For one, I do them on my own time. I would never sit around and read a comic when spending time with a woman, or when she comes over to hang out. I enjoy my time with her, and leave the geeky stuff for my own time.

Also, I have found like minded guys who also love the stuff I love. I get to share this with them. I’ve got a decent group of comic geeks that I know in my area. Every now and then we will get together for a day, maybe go on a crawl to a bunch of comic shops, or go see some geeky movie, like we did when Wolverine: Origins came out in the theater. I got to really relish in my geekiness, without the need to share it with any women.

Keep it in perspective

back in college, my girlfriend was talking about some of the guys in her dorm building, and how disgusting she thought it was that they just played video games all the time. They just wasted their time on silly games.

What I didn’t tell her was that I wished I could just play video games all the time.

What women want is a man that has passions and inspiration in his life, and works to do and achieve stuff in line with those passions. It is one of those qualities of a man that is almost universally attractive. It goes back to the saying that the best way to meet women is to have something better to do than to meet women.

This goes back to the second post in this series about dating for dorks, when I wrote about having other things in your life besides your geekeries. If all you do with your time is read comics, or play video games, or perfect your Klingon fighting technique and language pronunciation, then yes, you may have a hard time finding a woman who finds that attractive. When it is just a small part of the overall picture, then you are in good shape.

Sometimes, at the end of the week, I want nothing more than to hop on my Xbox 360 and play Call of Duty with some friends and decompress from a week of working. I don’t do that every night though, nor would I want to. Nor would my women want me to either.

When you’ve got the rest of your life under control, then spending your extra time on your geekery of choice is no big deal. Better yet, you can do what my friend Dave does, and align his passions with his geekeries. Read his web comic, Space-Time Condominium. Dave is a geek at heart, but his passions are in making and drawing comics. He does both, and it shows in what he does and how he behaves. Plus, I mention him because he is an amazing wingman.

Don’t stop loving your geeky stuff, just find the time to love it, and don’t push it on the women in your life. Live and let live.

Coming up in the next post: I have no idea what.

How a homemade cheesecake gives me 0.3 more points on the attractiveness scale

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I made a cheesecake two nights ago. It was chilling for a day, and I finally got to eat some last night.

It was… delicious.

Yes, I know, this does not seem like the manliest of things to do, but I think it is OK since cheesecake is pretty awesome. Knowing how to cook a cheesecake will pay itself back over the years because I will be able to make a lot of cheesecakes and eat them.

In general, cooking is a pretty awesome thing to know how to do.

In specific, cooking is a pretty awesome thing to do for a lady. At your home.

Women always seem to be surprised when they find out that I can cook. They are even more surprised when they find out that I can cook better than them.

I’ve been teaching myself how to cook random dishes recently. I have developed a reasonably amazing chili recipe, and recently whipped out chile verde, lasagne, baked chicken, and now cheesecake.

Cooking is a valuable skill, fun, and attractive.

One of my favorite dates is to invite a cjick over and cook for her. I will ask her to pick up a bottle of wine on her way, and let the night unfold.

Here’s a couple guidelines I follow:

  • Make sure you know what exactly she can help with, and know when she will be able to help.
  • If you need or want something to add to the meal, let her know, so she can get it for you and bring it!
  • If you are cutting up a lot of chili peppers, wear gloves so you don’t get chili oil all over your (and her) hands.
  • Make sure your kitchen is clean!

Cooking is one of those things that you should get to after getting your basics down. If you need to be getting in shape, better dressed, more outgoing, more friendly, etc., don’t spend your time learning to cook.

If you’ve got all those basic things down though, learn to cook. Cook stuff you like. Share with women. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Improve Your Hand

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This post isn’t about flirting with women.  Only read this if you want to be better with women though.

This post is a result of two things.  The first is a offhand statement I made in this post.  I said something along the lines of, “you’re not playing all your cards when you approach in a direct, sincere way, unless you have a weak hand.” Well, this got me to thinking, “how do you improve your hand?”

The second thing that motivated this post is that my parents came to visit last weekend. My parents don’t come up to San Francisco too often, and it is really nice when they do. We drank some wine, ate a huge, filling calzone at Uncle Vito’s, and had breakfast in Union Square.

One thing that my dad and I talked about is finances and wealth. I am learning how to make money, and I am learning about wealth. I am not wealthy now, but someday, I hope to be.  I am working on it.

This is the point of this article.  The easiest way to improve your hand with women is to get other parts of your life together.  Specifically, your health and your wealth.

I am a firm believer in the “health, wealth, and relationships” motto.  These three things are the most important aspects of a man’s quality of life.  By far.

When I don’t have one of these three things handled, I feel less confident.  My hand isn’t as strong.  I am gonna go out on a limb and say that this is universal. To feel confident as a man, we need to have these three things under control.

Now, what it means to have these three things under control is different to everybody.  Wealth to one person may mean having a yacht, two lamborghini’s and a house in the hills.  Wealth to someone else may mean a cozy apartment and a job they like that gives them enough extra spending cash.

What is important with all of these three things, it isn’t important to be the most successful person in this area.  I am not trying to tell you to be a Donald Trump triathlete that dates Carmen Elektra.  What is important is that you have the level of health, wealth, and relationships that you want.

…Or that you are working towards them.

This next part is the tricky thing. It is the cool thing. The thing that we are oh, so lucky about.

Your confidence will skyrocket if you just start making changes.  If you are trying to improve your health, starting to do something, like jogging, or eating healthier, will make you feel more confident.  It will make you feel more confident because you are doing something to get this handled. You don’t have to be able to run a half marathon, but starting the process of getting healthier will make you feel more confident about yourself, especially as you start to see results.

It’s the same thing with women.  If you go and talk to a woman today, even if it doesn’t go that well, you will feel more confident about this area of your life because you did something about it.  The same thing goes for wealth.

What I am really trying to say here is to pay attention to these other things in your life other than your relations with women.  Getting them handled will improve your overall confidence.  You don’t have to completely solve the problem, but just starting to take action will itself make you feel more successful and confident.

It is important that you actually do something about it though.  Reading an exercise book doesn’t cut it, but going for a quick jog does.  Reading Start Late, Finish Rich doesn’t do anything about it, but finding a way to save a dollar or two every day does.  Reading my blog doesn’t do anything about it, but talking to a woman today does.

Improve your hand.  Give yourself pocket aces.

Now I’m gonna go for a jog.

Listen To This Interview

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The guys at Pickup Podcast did an interview with Cory Skyy.

It is good.  Really good.

He doesn’t really teach any tips or tactics, but this guy’s perspective is great.  If you have been exposed to a lot of tips and strategies to meet and attract women, listen to this interview.  It isn’t about finding the right thing to say to make her attracted, it is about being a dead sexy, confident, attractive man.

Just go listen to it.

Check out the podcast here.

Flirting is Infectious

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I was getting my coffee this morning from the same little coffee kiosk that I always do, and of course, I flirted with Nikki, the girl who gives me my coffee, like I always do.

Then I noticed something. I had gotten my coffee, and I was waiting on the sidewalk next to the little coffee shop for my bagel. A lady who was waiting for her latte or whatever was sneaking glances over at me. Then another lady who was standing in line was shooting me glances. For a second I was thinking, “what is going on?”

Then I realized, “Oh, yeah. They like me.”

When you start acting more flirtatious with people, other people will notice. It carries over to other people. It effects the way you stand, hold yourself, walk and talk. Women notice, and it is attractive.

People will see that you have a little bit more lively attitude. They will see that you are having fun, and that you feel good. They will feel your smile.

Try it. Go flirt with the girl who gives you your coffee and watch how others notice.

Now knock that smile off your face.

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Approaching women and flirting with them in the middle of the day is just one of the things we teach in the three day long Daygame and the Art of Rapport workshop. It is three days on how to meet and connect with women in the situations you are in every day. Grocery shopping, at the bookstore, on the bus, and getting coffee. Check out more information.