Tag Archives: Banter

How to flirt: Use this opener to start a conversation with women

Here is one of my favorite ways to start a flirtatious conversation with a group of women. This is tons of fun, and always gets a good response from the group.

I’ve used this during the day in a park, or in Union Square, and I’ve used it at night when I am out at bars. It is simple to use, and leaves a great opening to continue the conversation.

This works best with women in groups of 2 or 3, which is pretty common to see when you are out and about.

So what is this amazingly simple line to use?

“Hey guys, you know, I’m actually not sure which of you to flirt with first.”

That’s it. You can add to it, “You’re both so cute, I’m not sure which of you to flirt with first.”

You can change it up: “I’m not sure which of you I should hit on first. This is really a dilemma for me.”

This is a fun, flirtatious way to start the conversation.

You can then ask which of them is the best flirt, if one responds really well, tell the others that you are going to flirt with her, you can accuse them of being bad at flirting, and on and on and on.

A fun attitude makes this work. This is not a very serious way to start a conversation, so there is no reason to be too serious about it. A smile and upbeat attitude goes a long way.

Last weekend I approached a two women in a bar and used this opener, and one of them responded that we should play rock, paper, scissor to see who flirts with who. I’ll be stealing that from her.

Try this out, have some fun, and flirt with some women.

How To Flirt At Work

The internet disappoints me.

I did a google search for “how to flirt at work” and the most miserable results come up. If you believe the sources that Google says are the most relevant, all you need to do to make the ladies at your job swoon is to smile, give them compliments, and offer to do their work for them.


This stuff just doesn’t work. Sure, smiling and complimenting a woman may be a part of flirting, but it doesn’t really explain how to do it.

If you want to get an idea on how to actually flirt, read my article about role-playing and banter. That is, after all, what makes women like you.

There is more to flirtation than that, including teasing, playfulness, and innuendo, but banter is a huge part of what flirting actually is.

What about flirting with the women at work?

This is a question that always gets asked at the Art of Attraction workshop. Men want to know how to hit on that hot chick at work.

The simple answer: carefully and delicately.

Sexual harassment laws in our country being what they are, know the policy. Unwanted sexual advance or comment can be prosecuted. I am in no ways an expert. If you are going to flirt with girls at work, know the regulations that apply to you and your work environment. This post is written as infotainment, and is not advice. Don’t do something stupid.

If you are looking for an article about how to date women you work with, this isn’t it. I don’t date the women I work with. I don’t hook up with them. I don’t mess around with them. It makes life easier, and I don’t care how hot she is, there are plenty more women in the world that don’t have that particular complication attached.

But I do flirt with them.

I work with many women that I flirt with all the time. It keeps things fun. There are also many women at my day job that I don’t really flirt with. Some of them are receptive, and some are not. Some are kinda receptive, and some I can be more liberal with the flirtation.

Test the water before you dive

High octane flirtation does not always go over well. Also, you do not want to be the guy at work that hits on everything that breaths. Neither of these are good for your career, and your career should come before flirtation.

The hail mary banter or flirtation that may work well in the bars or clubs isn’t gonna be appropriate in the office. Out of place it can be too aggressive, and inappropriate. I test the waters out slowly, with a little flirtatious comment here and there, and I pay attention to how they react.

Throwing some roles into your banter is a good way to do this. Start with something fairly tame. You don’t want to start off by setting up roles of you as the love pirate and her as your slave. That is way overboard.

You can accuse a woman of being the office trouble maker, or set yourself up in the role of the boss, with her being one of your minions. The important thing is to do something that can be fun, but without a lot of sexual overtones to it. Then see if she plays along. If she plays along, laughs, smiles, and banters back, then it is a good sign that you can flirt with her a little more.

Once you know she is gonna respond to being flirted with, then you can slowly add a little more. By “slowly add a little more”, I mean over days and weeks. Not right away. There is no hurry.

Don’t touch too much

I am usually a very touchy feely flirt. I will be all over girls when I meet them, I put my arm around them, hold their hand, and so on. Not at work though. This is again, one of those things that I test out over time. When I do touch one of my coworkers, it is very little, gentle, quick, and as non-obtrusive as possible. I might touch their arm or shoulder, but that is about it. Anything more than that has to be with someone that I have a longtime relationship with, and we have worked that into the boundaries of what is acceptable.

Another way to not make any touching as awkward is to touch everybody, man or woman. This is the behavior of high status people by the way, and is something that good bosses will do. If you show that you are just a person that is comfortable touching people, you won’t so much be the weird guy that touches all the women.

Ramp things up after work

You can bump up the flirtation after work. Go out to happy hour with some of your coworkers, and you can bump up the level of your flirtation a bit. It is more appropriate in social situations because, well, it’s more appropriate in social situations.

You do need to still keep things appropriate, just because you’re not at work does not mean it is time to go hog wild. Even though you may not be in the office, you, and she, are still around co-workers, and their impression of you will be made as much after work as during work.

Many women aren’t going to want to be known as the office flirt, and for good reason. Keep this in mind. If you are making her uncomfortable with how much you are flirting you are missing the point.

The most important point

The most important thing to do if you are going to flirt with your co-workers is to pay attention to how they respond. A good response is smiles and laughs, and her flirting back. If you don’t get this type of response, pull it back.

Also keep in mind that it is possible to be playful without being too flirtatious. This is usually a matter of cutting out any sexual overtones in your flirtation and banter. You never want to make a woman you work with feel uncomfortable.

Take it slow, and have some fun. The more you flirt with your co-workers, the more you will get a sense for what is OK, and what is not. Flirting with your co-workers is a good way to keep things fun for you and her.

She Said, "That's What Makes Us Like You"

Last weekend the company I work for had our annual Holiday Party.

I got to dress up nice, hang out with friends from work, and drink a LOT of free wine. It was fantastic.

At some point in the night, I found myself at a table sitting with about 10 adorable women, some of whom I work with, some of them were friends along for the party.

So, yeah. I started flirting with them all.

I was bantering back and forth with a lot of these women, it was a true multitasking tour de force of flirtation. These women were pretty good at this too. Most of them know me pretty well, and know they can push things with me; they really giving me a hard time, in a fun, flirtatious way.

It was going on to the point that one of the ladies I work with who was walking by the table stops, and whispers to me, “you know they are flirting with you”. Like I didn’t know :)

At one point, our conversation turned towards dating, and boys meeting girls, and the women’s lament at men not knowing how to banter well. Keep in mind, this was their words, not mine. They complained that a lot of men they meet just don’t know how to have a fun, flirtatious, conversation of banter.

“That’s what makes us like you guys, you know”, one of my friends said to me. “We want you guys to banter with us”.

I told her I was going to quote her on that, and here, I’m doing just that.

Women WANT you to banter with them. They want to be able to have a fun conversation with you, and they want to like you. They want a reason to.

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to sit at a table of ten women and be the center of attention. I wouldn’t have them flirting with me, and doing nice things like filling up my wine glass for me. I had to learn this, and practice it. Four years ago I would have felt like this was an impossible thing for me to do, but over the years I learned how. I was lucky enough to learn a LOT from Lance, and lucky enough to motivate myself to get out there and practice this skill with women.

If you think, “that sounds fun, but I’m not sure how to do that”, then Charismatic Conversations may be for you. This is a DVD set of Lance teaching everything he knows about banter and flirting with women. It has hours of examples and demonstrations, and actual women giving their feedback about their experience.

Click Here to go to the PickUp 101 website and learn more about it.

The Flirting Never Stops

Last night I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. She told me that she was talking about me to some of her friends at work. She was telling them that over the weekend she was reminded that I still, after almost a year of dating, make sure that I flirt with her.

This is no accident.

We have all seen that boring couple. They don’t smile a lot, they don’t seem to be happy when they are together. They are together because of habit more than anything else. They look horribly bored.

We’ve also seen that annoying couple. You know the ones. They are the ones that laugh with each other, and they have their hands all over each other. They make us sick, because they are enjoying themselves so much.

The only difference between these two couples is that the second couple never stopped flirting with each other. They never stopped poking at each other, teasing each other, and playing. Flirting is such an easy thing to do, and it is fun for everyone involved. Almost nobody does this though. I think a lot of guys just don’t know how.

Do you know how to flirt with your girlfriend? If you are scratching your head, you need to listen to the CD on banter in the Surefire Attraction Secrets program. Flirting and banter isn’t just a skill that makes it easier to meet women. It will make your entire life better. Whether you have known a woman for 1 minute, 1 day, 1 month, 1 year, or 1 decade, you need to know how to flirt and banter. This is what puts the spice into a relationship. This is what keeps a relationship fun and exciting. This is what will keep your girlfriend happy.

And guess what. A woman that you keep happy, is going to keep you happy.

Learn this, and it will make your relationships work.

Take a look at it now.

Sexy Bodyguards

A fun way to approach and/or banter is to make a woman or group of women your bodyguard(s).

“Hey, are you guys the bouncers?”

“You are very intimidating”.

“These girls around here won’t stop grabbing my ass and flirting with me.  Can you guys help out?”

“This one is the best.  I know she’s got my back.”

Maybe you get the idea here.  This is particularly fun if you are a bigger guy.  It is always fun to make a smaller girl your bodyguard.  Make her show you her guns.  Show you which way to the  beach.  Grab her and hide behind her.  Make her protect you from her friends.

Go try this out and have some fun with women!

It Is OVER Between Us

So adorableMy second nuts and bolts post is about one of my favorite banter themes.  Breaking up.

At some point in the conversation, if she says something (anything), go for it.

“You know, it is over between us.  I’m SO sorry it had to come out here, tonight, in this bar of all places.  It’s… I know we’ve had some good times baby, but, well, it’s not you, it’s me.  I need YOU to be strong.  Find love again.  We’ll always have the good times… that wild night in Vegas… those times you did that thing I like so much…”

“Oh, baby, who am I kidding!  I could never quit you!”

Maybe you get the idea.  I always really ham it up when I do this.  I get really melodramatic, so it is CLEAR that this is a joke.  When it is working well, the girl will play along with the heart break, give her own reasons it is over, etc.

If you wanna get into it more, have some fun talkign about the wild adventures that “you have had over the years”, tell her you want to keep the cat, or whatever else you can think of that has to do with breaking up.  Two more words: makeup sex.

Go out and have fun with this one, and post your questions and thoughts as a comment!

Sorry I'm Late!

Sexy!!Time to get back to basics.  This is nuts and bolts week.  Here’s my most often used opener:

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.”

Innocent enough to be used with women during the day, fun enough to use at night.  It flows into banter really well too.  It has been field tested plenty of times.  The first time I used this opener was about a year and a half ago, with my good friend Eric.  We thought we had stumbled upon some wonderful secret, because it worked well, and worked well often.

Bang.  You broke the ice with this.  Now what?

Banter, you sexy man, banter!

“Traffic was really bad, and the boss kept me at the office really late to finish a TPS report.  He was threatening to break out the whip but then I snuck out.  Have you been waiting long?”

Often the girls will jump in and banter right back.  “Where have you been!  We told you to meet us here an HOUR ago!”

You can riff on how much they missed you, building the anticipation, the crazy stuff that happened on the way, the fun stuff you will do now that you are there, or just have a big play fight about it.

Have fun with this one.

Make the Conversation SEXY!

Red BraArt of Attraction workshop, Saturday Night. Three girls are standing in the back area of the Bubble Lounge, time to approach!

“Sorry I’m late guys…”

They respond, “Oh my god! Where were you?”

We banter off of this for 30 seconds or so, and the one on my right likes me. We talk about going out in the City, what the scene is like. The girl on my right says something along the lines of, “I don’t always go out. You can’t do it all the time.”

“Yeah. You need to wait at least ten minutes between times doing it. I mean, you need some time to rest.”

It took a second, but then they cracked up laughing. Went on to talk about a few other racey things, then eventually the girls were leaving. They suggested I meet them at the next club, but alas, I was working, and not really interested to boot.

So what was the point of this story, other than bragging about how women want me?

It’s that you can take a flirtatious conversation to a sexual level quickly, and that women will like it.

With some caveats.

You have to really OWN this type of conversation, meaning you have to be completely comfortable when talking and joking about sexual topics and innuendo. Hesitation and nervousness will make these comments drop to the floor like a lead brick.

So why even bring up sexual conversation, create sexual innuendo, and misinterpret statements in a sexual way?

This type of conversation shows that you are a sexual person. More importantly, it shows that you are comfortable with that. When you are comfortable with this, women will know they can be comfortable with their own sexuality around you. No matter what kind of relationship you want with a woman, it is good when it starts with a sexual tone.

Overdoing It

Talk to the HAND!

So you see some girls in the bar. You walk up to flirt with them.  They ask some question… “Oh my god! You guys are like inquisitive little investigators! You are like ninja investigators that strike out to find the answers you want! I am totally gonna hire you as my ninja assassin strike team and you will be sent into old ladies houses for me to steal their fresh-baked cookies! You are gonna be blue ninja, and you are gonna be pink ninja… but YOU… YOU get to be the argyle ninja because you are the deadliest. Yeah, your outfit is going to be one giant argyle sock with a little slit cut in it for your eyes.”

Wait, where are they going?



“I didn’t… overgame you… did I?”

Overgaming is when you do (or overdo) something and it is kind of weird.

Take the above example. That was a WHOLE lot of playful banter. Say, for the sake of argument, that I unloaded that clip of banter, machine gun style, into a group of women. I would hope they would start laughing and giggling and pawing at me, but if I kept it up they might start to think “well, this is fun and silly, and it makes me laugh, but this guy is kind of weird because all he does is stand there and say all these goofy things to us without stopping”.

What is really going on here is that I am bantering AT them, rather than bantering WITH them, and that is why they give me the “overgamed” response in this hypothetical little situation. You can banter AT a girl for a second, but you better get into a conversation WITH her right after that. A conversation with a girl goes by many names, but we usually refer to it as “vibing” or “rapport”. It can also be banter, but it better be banter with a girl, rather than at her.

I have had banter conversations that go on for a good half hour. The reason that these conversations didn’t end up as overgaming was that we were bantering together. We ended up playing a game that everyone was joining in on. Remember, when banter is really working, it is a two way street. If you are out at a party or something like that it is OK to banter with people a lot. You DON’T want to just hose them down with banter though, because then they will be all soggy. You want to kind of bat the birdie back and forth with banter.

NOTE: This post is a modified version to a response to a question on the PickUp Lounge, the PickUp 101 VIP discussion board.