Tag Archives: Art of Rapport

Art of Rapport students get results

At last weekend’s Art of Rapport workshop, I had the pleasure to work with two very motivated and hard working gentlemen. Our Pickup 101 workshops are no easy class. When you take a workshop with us, we will push you to do things that make you nervous, because that is how you grow.

Josh and Simon and the other six men in the workshop spent the morning learning how to walk up to a woman that they don’t know, make her laugh or smile, and convey their natural personalities in a compelling way.

Josh and Simon pushed themselves to approach and meet women in ways they never had before, and it works.

Simon had a natural ease about him, but needed to get a little help sharing that personality with women.

We got to work, and he put our work into action.

He met quite a few women. Man, doesn’t he look great:


After I suggested to Simon that he talk to that woman above, I was actually a little jealous. She was very cute, and I wished that I had talked to her instead.

Of course, Simon applied the lessons from the night before, and ended up talking to this woman for about 15 minutes or so, and had a fantastic conversations. He told me later that he felt like the conversation just flowed. In fact, he told me after he excused himself that the only reason he left was that he wanted to move on and meet more women! He didn’t want to spend all day talking to just one.

So what did he do? Simon walked across the square and met another woman sitting, watching the passers by:


I was proud of Simon, and he was proud of himself. He moved through his nervousness and did something that he hadn’t done before, and he grew from it.

When Josh started the workshop, I think he had some doubts about the workshop, and about himself. I don’t think he was quite sure that the material that we taught in Art of Rapport was going to work for him.

I told Asher and Megan, the two coaches that were leading the workshop, to put Josh with me went we went out to meet some women, and I would make sure he got it :)

Of course, they did put him with me.

The first women or two that Josh met didn’t spark. We were walking through Unions Square on Saturday afternoon, and kept moving around. Eventually, I saw her, and so did Josh. I think he knew he should go meet her, and I gave him some encouragement to do that.


He took a breath, and walked up to her. I don’t know what he said exactly, but I saw her smile in response. They stood in the middle of the square, talking to each other. He was relaxed, and it showed in his body language.

I surreptitiously walked by them and took some photos with my phone, just for fun.

Then something I wasn’t expecting happened. He took off. With her. He just walked off and left Union Square, while walking and talking with her.

Turns out he left with her to go get some coffee at a cafe.

After an hour or so, I called him up and told him he couldn’t be a lover boy all day long. Eventually, he came back to Union Square, and he was different. He wasn’t skeptical, and he had a new found confidence about him.

He learned something from the workshop, and it wasn’t just a line to start a conversation with women, or a few tips. He learned something about himself. He learned that he was the kind of man that can meet a woman in the middle of the day and take her to a cafe on a mini date.

More than that, he is the kind of man that women want to meet, and would be happy to spend their afternoon with. That lesson is far more valuable than any tip that I could teach, and is something that can’t be read on the internet.

The Pickup Artist, Episode 5

All right! Big fat Joe won the challenge!

This actually points out something really interesting. The challenge was to see who would seem the most comfortable wearing a speedo at a pool party with a bunch of hot women. Big Joe held court. What this points out is that you don’t have to be a body builder to have a lot of physical presence. Big guys like Joe (and me) can hold people’s attention be the alpha guy very easily because of their size.

The big lesson from this part is that the more comfortable you are with your body, the more attractive you will be. You’ve got what you’ve got, now flaunt it, and own it.

Pradeep exposed himself as the whiny, self absorbed, delusional guy that he is. When they were announcing the winner of the pool part contest, Mystery said one guy clearly stood above the rest. While everyone else was saying, “definitely, it was Joe”, Pradeep was standing there raising his hands like it should have been him.

There’s just something off about the dude, and I think it is arrogance. It is unattractive, and not a good way to make people like you.

The daygame portion of the show at a coffee shop felt like a farce. It felt needlessly complicated, and just… off.

Maybe this is because I am comparing it with my own daygame workshop, the Art of Rapport. I was teaching it all weekend. Me and four of my coaches taught 7 guys how to approach women during the day, get numbers, and get dates. You know what, they were able to do it too. After an evening of exercises to learn how to build rapport, followed by a few hours the next morning practicing how to approach women during the day, they went out to Union Square, met tons of women, got their numbers, and so on and so on.

It wasn’t as complicated as it seemed on this show. Walk up, get her attention, make her laugh by flirting with her, then get to know her. It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3.

I’m sure that Mystery’s techniques work, or he wouldn’t be teaching them. It just seems to me that during the day, it really is so much easier than you may think.

How To REALLY Approach Directly

“Direct” game is so hot right now. Everyone seems to be using it, trying it, and having fun with it.

What is it? Direct game refers to a way of approaching a woman where you make it perfectly clear why you are talking to a girl. Usually your interaction will start with the words, “excuse me, you are really cute”, or something similar.  You let her know right away that you are approaching her because you are attracted to her and want to meet her.

A direct approach is efficient. Starting out very directly leads straight into building rapport, there is no beating around the bush. It’s like being in the electronic toll lane at the Bay Bridge rather than waiting to pay a cash toll. There is still all the traffic on the bridge, and you have to wait for the metering lights, but you zip right by the toll booth!

Some guys screw it up though. Here’s what direct game is really about.

“Direct” Does Not Mean Direct

The term “direct” brings attention to the words that are used, rather than the emotion behind it. A much better word to describe what is going on with a “direct” approach is sincere.

I can say, “you are really cute” to a woman in a very playful (indirect) way, or in a very sincere (direct) way. The words are the same, but the way I say it is totally different depending on my attitude.

If I am in a bar or club and tell a girl, “Oh, my god, you are really cute. This one is gonna be my new girlfriend. You guys don’t mind, right? Wait, can you cook?”, this is indirect. It is playful and flirtatious, but do you seriously think that any girl would think that I am approaching like that because I genuinely and sincerely want to meet her? Meh.

If I am walking through the plaza and see a girl sitting at a bench and say, “I know this is totally out of the blue and kinda random, but you are really cute. I knew I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t come meet you. I’m Sean. Mind if I have a seat?”, this is direct. There is no way this will be confused for me just being a fun, playful, social guy.

The “opener” uses the same words though: “you are really cute”. The difference is that one example was playful, the other was sincere.

It Doesn’t Mean Much

Guys have this crazy notion that they are playing all their cards if they approach directly. This is just not true, unless you have a very weak hand. It seems like sometimes when guys use direct game, they treat it as saying, “I like you. Do you like me?”

A sincere opener is just an explanation of why I started talking to a woman. That’s it. I’m not telling her, consciously or subconsciously, that I love her, or that I want to be dating her, or anything like that. I’m not even saying that I like her. All I am saying is that she is attractive, and that is enough for me to start talking to her. That’s not really a big deal. When I approach a woman in a sincere way, I have the attitude of, “I am attracted to you. That’s exciting, but not the end all be all. Now I want to see if we like each other.”

What often happens when a man approaches sincerely is that he treats it like he has told a woman, “I like you”, when actually he is just attracted to her. Now, we’re men, a woman being attractive is usually enough to make us like her. If this is your M.O. with women right now, that’s fine. A direct, sincere approach to meeting them won’t serve you though. You are better off using a high energy, high attraction approach.

If someone approaches sincerely, and has the feeling that, “now she knows I like her”, then it might not go so well. The whole interaction will be skewed by the emotional discrepancy between how the man feels and how the woman feels. When people feel different things it tends to push them apart rather than pull them closer together. A better approach is to feel like, “she knows I am attracted to her, and of course I am. Now let’s figure out who each other is, and if we like each other.”

Wow, She’s Gorgeous

Nature programmed us men to get all these jumbly feelings when we see an attractive woman. When we see an attractive woman, our heart rate increases, and we get excited. Part of the power in a direct approach comes from being able to handle those feelings, and to treat them as what they are, a motivation to meet a woman, and see what happens next.

I think it is easy for us men to confuse those feelings of attraction for the whole enchilada. By approaching in a sincere way, you have to accept those feelings of attraction, rather than ignore them, as guys sometimes do when they approach indirectly. When we express that attraction we feel in a sincere way to a woman, it makes us feel invested in her, and in the outcome. We let it be more than it really is.

Of course we are attracted to women. That’s what we do. We’re men. Don’t let that be any more, or any less than what it is.

You Can Do This

Learn to do this.

Sign up for the Art Of Rapport workshop. I am teaching this workshop next weekend in San Francisco.

I dare you to find out more.

What You Talkin 'Bout, Willis?

It should be clear that I think connecting with a woman is very important. Being a cool sexy guy is great, but any man that wants great women in their life needs to know how to connect with them. That is the subject of the Art of Rapport Workshop, and during the last workshop I instructed, I had a realization.

When I say realization, I mean that I found a way to describe something in a way I never have before.

I want you to imagine her. You’re sitting next to her, she is smiling, and clearly likes you. Then, you start to get into a deeper conversation. You tell her about the town you grew up in, or maybe about something you did when you were younger with a brother or sister.

What are you talking about?

Yes, you are telling some kind of story. You are talking about something that happened.

But what are you really talking about?

You are talking about yourself.

When you are telling someone a story about something that happened to you, remember that what you are really talking about is yourself. You are not talking about a list of events that happened in succession. You are talking about things you did, things that happened to you, and what these things meant and felt to you. The story of what happened is an excuse to really tell a woman something about yourself.

When you are talking to a woman, and telling her a story from your life, remember, this is not the time to talk about a list of events, it is a chance to tell her something about yourself. The story is just a tool to do that.


The ability to connect with women beyond an everyday, surface level is one of the main topics of the Art of Rapport Workshop. To find out more information about this workshop, click here.

Now go have a wonderful life full of wonderful women.

Flirting is Infectious

I was getting my coffee this morning from the same little coffee kiosk that I always do, and of course, I flirted with Nikki, the girl who gives me my coffee, like I always do.

Then I noticed something. I had gotten my coffee, and I was waiting on the sidewalk next to the little coffee shop for my bagel. A lady who was waiting for her latte or whatever was sneaking glances over at me. Then another lady who was standing in line was shooting me glances. For a second I was thinking, “what is going on?”

Then I realized, “Oh, yeah. They like me.”

When you start acting more flirtatious with people, other people will notice. It carries over to other people. It effects the way you stand, hold yourself, walk and talk. Women notice, and it is attractive.

People will see that you have a little bit more lively attitude. They will see that you are having fun, and that you feel good. They will feel your smile.

Try it. Go flirt with the girl who gives you your coffee and watch how others notice.

Now knock that smile off your face.

= = = = = = = = = = = = =

Approaching women and flirting with them in the middle of the day is just one of the things we teach in the three day long Daygame and the Art of Rapport workshop. It is three days on how to meet and connect with women in the situations you are in every day. Grocery shopping, at the bookstore, on the bus, and getting coffee. Check out more information.

Sean Newman? More Like Delusion…

Sean Newman seems to have written something a little strange.

He seems to think that him and his boys out on the east coast are the “dream team” of PickUp 101.

Whatever, Sean.

He seems to have forgotten about Daniel, Niels, Walter, Asher, Jeff, Ken, etc, etc.  Ie., he forgot about the all star team we got out here.

Sean, you can keep your dream team, and you can keep dreaming.  We got the All-Stars.

Here’s my OFFICIAL response to Sean’s claim:


This is Sean Deacon, senior instructor at PickUp 101.
You may have read my blog, you may have learned from me
at one of our Art of Attraction or Art of Rapport workshops,
and if you are a VIP subscriber you will get a DVD soon
where I explain how to make women love you.

I get these newsletters in my inbox just like you, and
yesterday was no different… except for one thing.
You read the newsletter, and you heard what Sean Newman said.


I re-read it to make sure he really said what I think he said.
Continue reading

Good With Women

Are you good with women?

Chances are that if you are reading this blog you either are good with women or are on your way to becoming good with women. Chances also are it was not always this way for you.

Last weekend, during PickUp 101’s flagship workshop, the Art of Rapport, I was working with a man who told me that for years of his life he was not good with women, and that he felt like 20 years of his life were working against him becoming this new person.

The interesting thing is, he IS good with women. The fact is, ANY man that goes through our Art of Attraction and Art of Rapport workshops is good with women. They just don’t always know it.

I really related with this guy. I remembered something I wrote about a year and a half ago on a local message board:

I have been wrestling with something internally lately, and if any of you have any comments, I would appreciate them. It is something that I think of as MAKING THE LEAP.

I was at El Rio last night. I almost didn’t come out cuz I knew I was in a weird mental state, but I forced myself for my mental health. I didn’t do any approaches, and I ended up heading home pretty early. It wasn’t approach anxiety stopping me, because that doesn’t stop me anymore. It wasn’t one-itis over either of the girls I’m working on right now, because that doesn’t stop me anymore either. It wasn’t lack of confidence either, because I have that when I need it.

I have the knowledge, and I have the confidence, and I have enough skill and charm to succeed, but I have a lot of trouble sometimes just letting go and BEING all this stuff.

What I am having trouble with is making the leap to adopting the identity of being successful with women, and being completely confident and congruent with this. I am having trouble being comfortable as a pick up artist.

Everything I have learned in the last year in the community has made a profound impact on me, but I am having trouble letting go of the old person I was and have been for the last umpteen years, and becoming the person I have the potential to be. This is the biggest thing holding me back from having the success I am capable of, but I haven’t quite been able to shake it.

Does this make sense? Has anyone had to make this kind of leap? How did you do it?

Or do I just need to say “f*ck it”, make the leap, and try to keep my feet running when I land?

As my student was explaining this feeling to me, I recalled how I used to feel.  Then, I had a flash. I told him that he was good with women. He kind of reluctantly agreed.

So I told him, “Tell me. Tell me you are good with women”

He kind of looked down, and said, “I am good with women”

“Tell me again!”

Same thing, he looked down, and said, “I am good with women”

“NO! Look into my eyes and tell me you are good with women”

He looked in my eyes, and flinched when he said, “I am good with women”

One last time I told him, “look in my eyes, don’t flinch, don’t look away, and tell me… that you are good with women”

He looked in my eyes and said, “I AM GOOD WITH WOMEN”

It was very powerful. By owning those words, I could tell that he was owning how it felt.

Find a friend, look into their eyes and tell them, “I AM GOOD WITH WOMEN.” You might surprise yourself.