How to flirt: Use this opener to start a conversation with women

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Here is one of my favorite ways to start a flirtatious conversation with a group of women. This is tons of fun, and always gets a good response from the group.

I’ve used this during the day in a park, or in Union Square, and I’ve used it at night when I am out at bars. It is simple to use, and leaves a great opening to continue the conversation.

This works best with women in groups of 2 or 3, which is pretty common to see when you are out and about.

So what is this amazingly simple line to use?

“Hey guys, you know, I’m actually not sure which of you to flirt with first.”

That’s it. You can add to it, “You’re both so cute, I’m not sure which of you to flirt with first.”

You can change it up: “I’m not sure which of you I should hit on first. This is really a dilemma for me.”

This is a fun, flirtatious way to start the conversation.

You can then ask which of them is the best flirt, if one responds really well, tell the others that you are going to flirt with her, you can accuse them of being bad at flirting, and on and on and on.

A fun attitude makes this work. This is not a very serious way to start a conversation, so there is no reason to be too serious about it. A smile and upbeat attitude goes a long way.

Last weekend I approached a two women in a bar and used this opener, and one of them responded that we should play rock, paper, scissor to see who flirts with who. I’ll be stealing that from her.

Try this out, have some fun, and flirt with some women.

She said, “We don’t like timid men”

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Timid men need not apply. Women agree on this.

My interaction with a couple girls on Saturday was very rich and metatextual. A lot happened that was very instructional. I am writing up all of the interesting parts in pieces, to extract the juicy information out of it.

I was on the balcony of Medjool, overlooking the dance floor, talking to a cute girl in a hat, and she talked about the different ways that men approach women. “We [women] don’t like timid men. We can tell when a man is timid, and it kills it.”

She told me that was why she liked me, I didn’t hesitate to come over to her and her friend and see what was going on, meet them, and flirt with them. I knew what I was doing, and I knew how I was going to approach them, how I was going to start the conversation, and felt good about my ability to talk to them and join their group.

It was coincidental that this was in the middle of an Art of Attraction workshop, an entire workshop devoted to making sure men aren’t timid. It sure as hell isn’t the time for me to be timid myself.

It was nice to hear from a woman that what I teach is, you know, right.

Recognizing Timidness

Timidness is the almost the complete opposite of confidence. Confidence is being sure and comfortable with what you are doing, not hesitating, and enjoying yourself.

A timid man is cautious, nervous, hesitant, and waits for permission, or a good reaction, before going on with what he is doing. A timid man doesn’t take risks, and doesn’t do anything to put himself on the spot.

I’ve noticed that the biggest reason that men are timid when approaching a woman is the fact that they are waiting to see how they will react. They are waiting for a good reaction before continuing the interaction.

Timid men want a good reaction before committing to an interaction. They are waiting for permission to join a group of women before they really open up and express them self.

The odd thing about this though, is that by being timid, the chances of being accepted by, and receiving a warm response from a group of women will go down drastically.

“Any woman wants a confident man.”

Women respond to your confidence.

Women always seem to give the same answers when they ask what they are attracted to in a man. They like a man who can just be himself, who can make her laugh, and above all, is confident.

Confidence is one of those things in life that, like all important things, is very simple, yet can be very difficult to put into actual practice.

Here are some of the things that display that a man is confident when he approaches a group.

  • He does not fidget when he walks, and when he stands next to the women
  • He makes eye contact with the women, and does not get nervous and look away when they give eye contact back
  • He talks slowly and calmly
  • He does not seek their approval before proceeding to talk to them
  • He smiles and enjoys the time he is spending with the women
  • He is sure of how he is going to approach, and says what he has to say without hesitation

This is just a partial list, but these are some of the things that women see that indicate if a man is confident about what he is doing or not.

There is no downside to confidence.

As men, we really have very little to lose by approaching some women and starting to talk to them. The worst that can happen is that they turn us down, or aren’t interested in meeting us. It may not exactly feel that way when we aren’t used to approaching women often, but this is true, objectively.

There is nothing to lose by being confident. If you have decided to approach a woman, it will not go worse by approaching more confidently. It can only make things go better, and kick off things with a woman better.

On the flipside, being timid can only make the woman’s reaction worse. Being timid when approaching a woman will not make her like you more, and it will not make a better first impression.

We teach confident behavior and how to confidently approach a woman at the Art of Attraction workshop. The workshop is three days, spending days and evenings in a classroom to learn, and more importantly, practice the skills that make you more confident. We spend two nights out on the town, meeting and talking to women, and working with our coaches to put the new skills into practice.

The workshop is an investment in your future, your relationships, and in the confidence that you feel every day.

Please feel free to click right here and read more about it on the PickUp 101 website.

This workshop will knock the timid right out of you, and women will thank you for that.

Understand the attractive woman’s experience

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An attractive woman gets hit on constantly when she is out at the bar or club. You have no idea how frustrating and annoying this is to her.

Last Saturday night during an Art of Attraction workshop I ended up talking to two women up on the rooftop bar we went to. One of them was cute with the type of round face that I like, and she was wearing this interesting, funky hat that conveyed some nice personality. She laughed at the things I said too, which is a quick way to win me over.

Her friend was blonde, and had nice large breasts that she was not shy about sharing with the world. The dress she was wearing was very revealing, God bless her.

The girl with the hat and I hit it off, and got a lot of time to get to know each other. Her friend, the blonde, was being a good wingwoman, and giving us our space to talk.

They practically lined up for her

It was very interesting to see that the friend of the girl I was hitting on was never left alone.

It turns out (surprise, surprise) that if you are a blonde, attractive women with big breasts, you get hit on. A LOT. Even more so if you wear a dress that reveals just how much assets you have.

The three of us eventually left the rooftop bar to go to the lower floors of the club. My girl and I were getting closer as we checked out the scene of the dance floor from the balcony, and her friend was just kind of hanging back 10 feet or so.

A few guys approached the friend while we were hanging out on the balcony. She talked to them for a few seconds or a minute, then blow them off. 10 to 30 seconds later, there was another guy coming up to her to hit on her.

It was really rather absurd how often she got hit on. It was frequent enough to make her night a very frustrating night. in fact, when I first approached the two of them, I could see this frustration in her response. She was annoyed by yet another guy approaching them. This kinda changed when I got her to laugh a little with my banter, and she saw that me and her friend were getting along well.

I want to get back to this woman’s experience though. She could not be left alone by men approaching her. Most of them approached in the same, boring, “playing it cool” way that every other guy did. After a while, I don’t think any type of approach would stand out to her.

Spare some change?

The closest experience to this for a man that I can think of is when we are constantly asked for money by homeless people.

In San Francisco, there are a lot of homeless folks on the streets. I work downtown, and live by Union Square, two areas that have a very dense homeless population. As I walk to work, walk around at lunch, and walk about my neighborhood, I am constantly bombarded with people asking for change.

After a couple times, I just tune it out and ignore it. It doesn’t matter how compelling their reason for asking for my money is, I tune it out. Now imagine if this happened every minute for the 20 minutes it takes me to walk to work in the morning, and the 20 minutes it takes me to walk home.

I would be very frustrated; I would be thoroughly annoyed.

This woman must have been approached at least 40 times that night. I personally saw her get approached about 10 times in the 20 to 30 minutes that I was talking to her friend.

So what would it take for you to get that girl?

What would it take for the homeless guy to get your change?

Be different

You’re gonna have to be confident. You can’t be timid. Even more so than all of this, I think that showing some understanding of what she is experiencing will take you even further.

Show that you understand that she has been hit on all night, and relax. Don’t hit on her. Win her over by chilling out, and getting to know her. Have a real conversation with her, and don’t really try to “pick her up”.

This is far different than how most guys approached this woman. Most approached trying to show how cool they were, be a mack daddy, and get their groove on. By trying to stand out by being cool, they blended in with the rest.

The guy that would really stand out would be the one that wasn’t trying to be cool, that wasn’t trying to impress her or hit on her. The man that could walk up to her and have a normal conversation with her, taking time to find out who she really is beyond just blonde hair and body that gets a man’s blood pumping, is probably going to get a lot further than the guys trying to play it cool.

Taking some time to think about and understand a woman’s experience will give you great insight on how to approach and meet these type of women.

How To Flirt At Work

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The internet disappoints me.

I did a google search for “how to flirt at work” and the most miserable results come up. If you believe the sources that Google says are the most relevant, all you need to do to make the ladies at your job swoon is to smile, give them compliments, and offer to do their work for them.

Seriously.

This stuff just doesn’t work. Sure, smiling and complimenting a woman may be a part of flirting, but it doesn’t really explain how to do it.

If you want to get an idea on how to actually flirt, read my article about role-playing and banter. That is, after all, what makes women like you.

There is more to flirtation than that, including teasing, playfulness, and innuendo, but banter is a huge part of what flirting actually is.

What about flirting with the women at work?

This is a question that always gets asked at the Art of Attraction workshop. Men want to know how to hit on that hot chick at work.

The simple answer: carefully and delicately.

Sexual harassment laws in our country being what they are, know the policy. Unwanted sexual advance or comment can be prosecuted. I am in no ways an expert. If you are going to flirt with girls at work, know the regulations that apply to you and your work environment. This post is written as infotainment, and is not advice. Don’t do something stupid.

If you are looking for an article about how to date women you work with, this isn’t it. I don’t date the women I work with. I don’t hook up with them. I don’t mess around with them. It makes life easier, and I don’t care how hot she is, there are plenty more women in the world that don’t have that particular complication attached.

But I do flirt with them.

I work with many women that I flirt with all the time. It keeps things fun. There are also many women at my day job that I don’t really flirt with. Some of them are receptive, and some are not. Some are kinda receptive, and some I can be more liberal with the flirtation.

Test the water before you dive

High octane flirtation does not always go over well. Also, you do not want to be the guy at work that hits on everything that breaths. Neither of these are good for your career, and your career should come before flirtation.

The hail mary banter or flirtation that may work well in the bars or clubs isn’t gonna be appropriate in the office. Out of place it can be too aggressive, and inappropriate. I test the waters out slowly, with a little flirtatious comment here and there, and I pay attention to how they react.

Throwing some roles into your banter is a good way to do this. Start with something fairly tame. You don’t want to start off by setting up roles of you as the love pirate and her as your slave. That is way overboard.

You can accuse a woman of being the office trouble maker, or set yourself up in the role of the boss, with her being one of your minions. The important thing is to do something that can be fun, but without a lot of sexual overtones to it. Then see if she plays along. If she plays along, laughs, smiles, and banters back, then it is a good sign that you can flirt with her a little more.

Once you know she is gonna respond to being flirted with, then you can slowly add a little more. By “slowly add a little more”, I mean over days and weeks. Not right away. There is no hurry.

Don’t touch too much

I am usually a very touchy feely flirt. I will be all over girls when I meet them, I put my arm around them, hold their hand, and so on. Not at work though. This is again, one of those things that I test out over time. When I do touch one of my coworkers, it is very little, gentle, quick, and as non-obtrusive as possible. I might touch their arm or shoulder, but that is about it. Anything more than that has to be with someone that I have a longtime relationship with, and we have worked that into the boundaries of what is acceptable.

Another way to not make any touching as awkward is to touch everybody, man or woman. This is the behavior of high status people by the way, and is something that good bosses will do. If you show that you are just a person that is comfortable touching people, you won’t so much be the weird guy that touches all the women.

Ramp things up after work

You can bump up the flirtation after work. Go out to happy hour with some of your coworkers, and you can bump up the level of your flirtation a bit. It is more appropriate in social situations because, well, it’s more appropriate in social situations.

You do need to still keep things appropriate, just because you’re not at work does not mean it is time to go hog wild. Even though you may not be in the office, you, and she, are still around co-workers, and their impression of you will be made as much after work as during work.

Many women aren’t going to want to be known as the office flirt, and for good reason. Keep this in mind. If you are making her uncomfortable with how much you are flirting you are missing the point.

The most important point

The most important thing to do if you are going to flirt with your co-workers is to pay attention to how they respond. A good response is smiles and laughs, and her flirting back. If you don’t get this type of response, pull it back.

Also keep in mind that it is possible to be playful without being too flirtatious. This is usually a matter of cutting out any sexual overtones in your flirtation and banter. You never want to make a woman you work with feel uncomfortable.

Take it slow, and have some fun. The more you flirt with your co-workers, the more you will get a sense for what is OK, and what is not. Flirting with your co-workers is a good way to keep things fun for you and her.

Fixation Will Make You Strike Out

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I love baseball, I love to watch it, and I love to play it.

I played a year of little league when I was 11 or so.

I wasn’t very good. In fact, I kinda sucked.

One day at little league practice I had trouble hitting the ball. The more I fixated on it, the more nervous I became, and the harder it got to hit it. I got frustrated, and nervous, and anxious. All my team mates were watching. The more I fixated on hitting the ball, the harder it got.

It was humiliating, and it hurt my confidence to play baseball.

It hurt my confidence so much that I didn’t even make it into the major leagues as a pro baseball player. Maybe my life would be different if I just wouldn’t have fixated on the ball so much.

Home runs are better than strike outs, third base is better than first base

Somehow, baseball has worked its way into our collective “hitting on girls” vernacular.

We get to first base, second base, score, and strike out (like I did last night — even I don’t hit all of them out of the park).

I keep thinking back to that day in little league practice though, when I was so fixated on hitting the ball, that I repeatedly struck out. I thought that it can be really similar to learning how to flirt with women.

I remember being in bars and getting so fixated on trying to approach a woman and work my magic on her that I couldn’t actually do it. At least, not well. The more I fixated on this the more nervous I got, and struck out a lot of times.

This was very common when I was starting out my path to learn how to and be comfortable with picking up chicks. I was learning new skills and pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, two things that drive a person to fixate on what they are doing.

If you have ever thought you should hit on a woman, but weren’t sure what to do, or what to say, or if you learned some lines somewhere and tried them out with a few women in a bar, without really being comfortable with the interaction, you may have experienced what I am talking about.

When you get into this state of mind when you are fixating on what to do when you talk to women, it lends itself to getting more and more nervous about what you are doing.

Hitting home runs should be fun.

The way to snap out of it when this happens is to jar that fixation somehow and shake that focus.

If you are at a bar, go get a shot with friends, and have a good old time shootin’ down a shot of whiskey. Grab a buddy and butt chests, or tell them a lame joke you heard.

When you focus on having fun instead of on the process of what you are doing, you can avoid the fixation that may be causing you to get more nervous and strike out. I don’t want you to strike out, that’s no fun for you, or the girl.

Baseball — and hitting on women — should be fun. Keep that in mind as the primary goal for a night out on the town, and it will all work out.

Batter up.

The hidden curse of American Freedom, and how to break free of it

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This is a Deacon Go America message. Happy Fourth.

Our Country is free. What are you gonna do with it?

We have an amazing amount of Freedom in America. We have the freedom to make of ourselves, and our lives, what we want. Do you want to be rich? Famous? Have a big house? Lots of women? Lots of fun?

You can do pretty much anything in America, as long as it doesn’t hurt others.

So why aren’t you?

There is a hidden curse in the American lifestyle, and that is the curse of comfort.

Comfort is a nasty critter, it sneaks up on us and grabs us, and we usually don’t even know it. This critter can make us content with what we have, and make us feel good enough with where we are in life.

Comfort kills dreams.

Comfort makes us content with good enough.

One of the blessings of America is that it provides for people who just want to be comfortable, and it provides well. There is nothing wrong with good enough. If it you are happy with good enough, you will live a good life.

I have a feeling though, that if you are content with good enough, you wouldn’t be reading this blog.

How comfortable are you with who you are and where you are in life?

I don’t mean this in a “good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me” sort of way. I mean this in the sense of how much you are used to being who and what you are.

It is possible to not like your job, but be comfortable with it. It’s possible to be comfortable with not having a lean, muscular body, even if you want something different.

It is possible to be unhappy with your relationships with women, but be comfortable with it.

The source of all comfort

The comfort we have in life is strongly linked to our routines and habits. Sticking to our habits is very comforting. When we do something outside of one of our habits, it is uncomfortable. When you walk into a coffee shop and see a spectacular woman in there, is it your habit or routine to walk up to her and flirt with her? For most people in this world, the answer is no, and for those people, it is very comfortable not to approach her.

The blessing of the freedom we have in America is that we are free to do things that we are not comfortable with. We have the freedom to break our habits, and change our routines. This is no small thing. This is a luxury, and one that we can afford because of all of the comforts that we have in America.

How to break the curse of comfort

How do we break our habits and change our routines?

This is one of those questions where the answer is simple, but not easy.

It is like asking how to lose weight. The answer is simple, exercise and take in less calories than you burn.

Changing your habits and routines is simple: Do different stuff.

That answer, however, does not describe how difficult it is. In reality, there are a whole bunch of reasons why it is hard to change our habits and routines. It takes effort and diligence, and most of all, it takes an awareness of when the comfort of a habit is sneaking up on us.

Remember, comfort is a nasty critter that will sneak up on you. Even when you have started to make changes and do things differently, that critter might find you and grab you again. Before you know it you are back to your old comfortable habits.

Start by paying attention to your habits

I’ll have more about identifying and changing habits and routines in the future, but for those of you that want to start doing something today, pay attention to your habits, and when you are comfortable.

Everything you decide to do, ask yourself if you are doing it because it is exciting, and pushing you forward in life, or if it is merely the comfortable thing to do.

God Bless America, because we can have the comforts of life, while pushing the boundaries of what makes us comfortable.

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

How a homemade cheesecake gives me 0.3 more points on the attractiveness scale

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I made a cheesecake two nights ago. It was chilling for a day, and I finally got to eat some last night.

It was… delicious.

Yes, I know, this does not seem like the manliest of things to do, but I think it is OK since cheesecake is pretty awesome. Knowing how to cook a cheesecake will pay itself back over the years because I will be able to make a lot of cheesecakes and eat them.

In general, cooking is a pretty awesome thing to know how to do.

In specific, cooking is a pretty awesome thing to do for a lady. At your home.

Women always seem to be surprised when they find out that I can cook. They are even more surprised when they find out that I can cook better than them.

I’ve been teaching myself how to cook random dishes recently. I have developed a reasonably amazing chili recipe, and recently whipped out chile verde, lasagne, baked chicken, and now cheesecake.

Cooking is a valuable skill, fun, and attractive.

One of my favorite dates is to invite a cjick over and cook for her. I will ask her to pick up a bottle of wine on her way, and let the night unfold.

Here’s a couple guidelines I follow:

  • Make sure you know what exactly she can help with, and know when she will be able to help.
  • If you need or want something to add to the meal, let her know, so she can get it for you and bring it!
  • If you are cutting up a lot of chili peppers, wear gloves so you don’t get chili oil all over your (and her) hands.
  • Make sure your kitchen is clean!

Cooking is one of those things that you should get to after getting your basics down. If you need to be getting in shape, better dressed, more outgoing, more friendly, etc., don’t spend your time learning to cook.

If you’ve got all those basic things down though, learn to cook. Cook stuff you like. Share with women. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Does Barack Obama Validate You?

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I am writing this on Barack Obama’s inauguration day, 20 January, 2009. This may not seem like it has anything to do with meeting women at first, but bear with me through the end.

Now, I am not an Obama lover. I thought he was the better choice of the two candidates to lead the country, but I don’t believe that he is the messiah, or that he will magically make the world a better place, and I am not irrationally filled with hope.

But some people do, and some people are.

At work today, the office manager allowed the inauguration to be played in one of the conference rooms. Anyone who wanted to take a break and watch it was free to do so. The office manager is not the most socially gifted person in the world, but she does make some efforts, and she made a joke in her announcement of the inauguration viewing that she may be crying when she sees him sworn in, if for no other reason than that Mr. Obama is able to put together a complete sentence that is grammatically correct.

I was thinking about this a bit, because I have noticed a sense of pride and joy over Obama being president that I don’t remember from any past inaugurations. Don’t misunderstand me, I completely respect the historical significance and the move forward in racial equality that this represents, and am filled with joy at the thought that both my 6 year old and 6 month old nephews will grow up in a country where a black man is president. I don’t think that we understand the social significance of this right now, and we won’t realize the significance until we see how the next generation is different.

Anyway, I got to thinking about why my office manager was having such a strong emotional reaction to this event. As I was thinking about this, I thought about the large, sweeping, overly-generalizing and stereotyping views about who are democrats and who are republicans. The story seems to be that democrats represent “intelligent” America, and the republicans represent “the real” America. I don’t buy into this, but it has become somewhat of a meme. I think that there are people out there that see Barack Obama’s win in the election as a victory for “intelligent” America.

So further more about my office manager. She is successful in an analytical field (I am an engineer by day), and very intelligent. She is not the most feminine woman, in fact very much not so. She dresses poorly, has a poor haircut, and really sacrifices the traditional attractive female qualities. I think she has sacrificed some of this in order to succeed. Or perhaps, that is what she tells herself. Seeing this victory of Obama, this victory of intelligence, so to speak, may very well be very validating for herself that she is right for being less womanly in order to pursue her “intelligent” career.

Now, this is pure conjecture, I have no idea if this is true at all, but I imagine that it is for a number of people. I think a number of people have a story about themself in their mind, and this story goes somewhat like this: “I have sacrificed certain things, or am not good at certain things, and that is ok, because I am intelligent. I may not be good looking, or socially successful, or wealthy, but that is alright because I am smart and intelligent”. It is a bit like the skit on Kanye West’s College Dropout album, “no, I don’t know what sexy is but I can count up the change in your purse very fast!”

So everybody that voted for Obama, and saw that as an intelligent choice, got a HUGE hit of validation today. If they have a story in their head explaining their life that uses their intelligence as a reason, or explanation, or consolation for not having other things in their life that they want, then that STORY got a huge hit of validation today.

Feeding from and seeking validation is a pretty uncool thing to do, and may be the subject of a future post, but I want to focus on the stories we tell ourself. I think that we all do it to some degree. These stories can be beneficial. Maybe the story you tell yourself is that you are too sexy for your shirt, and all the women want you because of that. That is a great story, and is gonna work for you.

You can come up with bad stories, or stories that make excuses for something else. Here’s some of the bad stories I told myself:

  • The things I say aren’t interesting, and people aren’t going to want to talk to me or be friends with me

  • If I have a strong emotional reaction to something, it is because I was not strong enough to keep it back, and these emotions are a sign of weakness

Or how about one of my favorites:

  • When I am mean and insulting to women I am using negs, or cocky/funny, or teasing them, and am being more successful with women! (when in reality, you are just insulting them and being a jerk)

Crazy stuff, huh? I spent years coming up with these stories, and I didn’t even know I was doing it! It wasn’t until a few years ago, when I started to closely examine my emotional patterns that I discovered that I told this story to myself.

Here are some other stories that I hear from men that are working to improve their dating life and ability to flirt:

  • I need some time not talking to women to get my “inner game” together. (No you don’t, you need to be around more women)

  • I’m not nervous about talking to that woman, I just want to wait until I finish my drink. (No, you’re actually just nervous)

  • I don’t like meeting woman out at night because quality women don’t go to bars. (No, they do, this is just an excuse)

These stories are insidious, we usually don’t even realize they exist, but they effect the things we do.

To find out what stories you may have floating around, ask yourself a question: what is it that I want that I don’t have?

Got it?

Now ask yourself: why don’t I have that, why is it hard for me to get that, or why am I not doing that?

The answer that you want to tell people is the story. The little thing gnawing inside of you that you are trying to ignore is the real answer.

Usually, the real answer to these questions is that “I am afraid. I am nervous. I am uncomfortable. I don’t have confidence in myself.”

I asked myself these questions, and came up with those answers. It felt shameful, and I felt a little weak. Like I wasn’t good enough. We are supposed to be capable of anything, and to admit fear or discomfort or lack of confidence is difficult.

I also realized that it’s ok. By accepting these uncomfortable answers, rather than the answers that our story provides, it allows us to confront these things and really change them.

REAL change requires confronting these inner demons, rather than just paying them lip service and avoiding them. If you want to make some fundamental changes to yourself, you might decide to look at some aspects of your life in this way.

So, uh, go out and do this! I don’t really know how to wrap this up other than to say that I spent a while doing this, I have journals filled with my notes and thoughts as I worked through these types of issues myself, and I am glad I did.

It is a good thing.

How Do You Thinslice?

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A conversation came up amongst some folks online about spiky hair. I was of the view that spiky hair is only appropriate if you are punk rock and/or Japanese. I am not Japanese, and my punk rock days are largely a thing of the past, so spiky hair is not for me.

My friend Whim replied to this conversation with the following:

Spiky hair is awesome. Especially if you’re Asian.

I’m yet to find a better thinslice that works for me.

Gotta love it when girls at McCarran come up to you screaming “heeeeyy!!!! We know you!!!!”

This thinslice works for him.

When I read this, a little lightbulb went off in my head. I thought this was a pretty brilliant idea, applying thinslicing to yourself.

For those of you that don’t know, thinslicing is an idea in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink. In this book, Malcolm Gladwell discussed how we make split second decisions. We determine a lot about people, things, and situations within the time of a blink of the eye.

Applying this to ourselves, people make split second decisions about us based on how we look, what we are doing, and how we present ourselves. It incorporates everything about us: our clothes, our facial expression, attitude, how we move, and even our hair. This is even simpler than a first impression, it is more like a micro-impression. It is the impression we get before the first impression.

Men thin slice all the time. She’s hot. She looks mean. She’s an ice queen. She looks nice. Without even talking to her, we have an idea in our mind of all sorts of things about her.

Take a minute to apply thinslicing to yourself. How do you thinslice? What do people think about you based on how you are dressed? How you stand? How you talk? Your facial expressions? People are always determining something about you based on these.

Further, what can you do that will lead to a particularly good thinslice? Whim is using something very obvious about him, his hair, to get a particular association and reaction from women. What kind of things do you want women to immediately think about you, and what can you do to create that? It’s good food for thought. Make sure you are thinsliced well.

If you want to read more about thinslicing and how it works, I recommend Malcolm Gladwell’s book. I read through it in a breeze, and really enjoyed it. It is a quick read, yet packed with really interesting information.

Click here to look at Blink on Amazon.com

Also, you can find Whim’s website at adventuresofwhim.com. He is a great guy, and very successful with the ladies. Good stuff there.

She Said, "That's What Makes Us Like You"

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Last weekend the company I work for had our annual Holiday Party.

I got to dress up nice, hang out with friends from work, and drink a LOT of free wine. It was fantastic.

At some point in the night, I found myself at a table sitting with about 10 adorable women, some of whom I work with, some of them were friends along for the party.

So, yeah. I started flirting with them all.

I was bantering back and forth with a lot of these women, it was a true multitasking tour de force of flirtation. These women were pretty good at this too. Most of them know me pretty well, and know they can push things with me; they really giving me a hard time, in a fun, flirtatious way.

It was going on to the point that one of the ladies I work with who was walking by the table stops, and whispers to me, “you know they are flirting with you”. Like I didn’t know :)

At one point, our conversation turned towards dating, and boys meeting girls, and the women’s lament at men not knowing how to banter well. Keep in mind, this was their words, not mine. They complained that a lot of men they meet just don’t know how to have a fun, flirtatious, conversation of banter.

“That’s what makes us like you guys, you know”, one of my friends said to me. “We want you guys to banter with us”.

I told her I was going to quote her on that, and here, I’m doing just that.

Women WANT you to banter with them. They want to be able to have a fun conversation with you, and they want to like you. They want a reason to.

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to sit at a table of ten women and be the center of attention. I wouldn’t have them flirting with me, and doing nice things like filling up my wine glass for me. I had to learn this, and practice it. Four years ago I would have felt like this was an impossible thing for me to do, but over the years I learned how. I was lucky enough to learn a LOT from Lance, and lucky enough to motivate myself to get out there and practice this skill with women.

If you think, “that sounds fun, but I’m not sure how to do that”, then Charismatic Conversations may be for you. This is a DVD set of Lance teaching everything he knows about banter and flirting with women. It has hours of examples and demonstrations, and actual women giving their feedback about their experience.

Click Here to go to the PickUp 101 website and learn more about it.