Category Archives: How to Meet Women and be a fantastic Flirt

All about approaching women, starting conversations, flirting with them, and sparking chemistry.

The Second Rule Of Meeting Women

The difference that following this rule makes is huge.  It is the difference between things starting well, and starting poorly.  It is the difference between things continuing well, and continuing poorly.

(You maybe wondering what the first rule of meeting women is – I’ll get to that)

This rule refers to such a simple thing.  You may think this is basic advice, or you may think that it is obvious.  The thing is, I don’t see every man following this rule when they approach a woman, and that is just wrong.  There is no reason not to follow this rule, because it is so easy to follow.

The second rule of meeting women is: Smile.

Yeah, that really is it.  Smile when you approach her, smile when you start talking to her.  I don’t want this to be a big goofy fake smile, but the kind of smile that is on your face after you have laughed about something with a friend.

This may seem so basic to the point of stupidity, but I still see tons of guys approach girls and not have a smile on their face.  Check yourself next time you are approaching a woman.  Are you smiling?  If not, stop, think of something funny, get a smile on your face, then proceed.

If there is any question about this, I will just answer it with a couple questions back.  Do you want a happy girlfriend?  Do you think a happy girlfriend wants a happy boyfriend?

OK, now that you are smiling, you may be wondering what the first rule of meeting women is.  That one is easy: Breath.

How To REALLY Approach Directly

“Direct” game is so hot right now. Everyone seems to be using it, trying it, and having fun with it.

What is it? Direct game refers to a way of approaching a woman where you make it perfectly clear why you are talking to a girl. Usually your interaction will start with the words, “excuse me, you are really cute”, or something similar.  You let her know right away that you are approaching her because you are attracted to her and want to meet her.

A direct approach is efficient. Starting out very directly leads straight into building rapport, there is no beating around the bush. It’s like being in the electronic toll lane at the Bay Bridge rather than waiting to pay a cash toll. There is still all the traffic on the bridge, and you have to wait for the metering lights, but you zip right by the toll booth!

Some guys screw it up though. Here’s what direct game is really about.

“Direct” Does Not Mean Direct

The term “direct” brings attention to the words that are used, rather than the emotion behind it. A much better word to describe what is going on with a “direct” approach is sincere.

I can say, “you are really cute” to a woman in a very playful (indirect) way, or in a very sincere (direct) way. The words are the same, but the way I say it is totally different depending on my attitude.

If I am in a bar or club and tell a girl, “Oh, my god, you are really cute. This one is gonna be my new girlfriend. You guys don’t mind, right? Wait, can you cook?”, this is indirect. It is playful and flirtatious, but do you seriously think that any girl would think that I am approaching like that because I genuinely and sincerely want to meet her? Meh.

If I am walking through the plaza and see a girl sitting at a bench and say, “I know this is totally out of the blue and kinda random, but you are really cute. I knew I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t come meet you. I’m Sean. Mind if I have a seat?”, this is direct. There is no way this will be confused for me just being a fun, playful, social guy.

The “opener” uses the same words though: “you are really cute”. The difference is that one example was playful, the other was sincere.

It Doesn’t Mean Much

Guys have this crazy notion that they are playing all their cards if they approach directly. This is just not true, unless you have a very weak hand. It seems like sometimes when guys use direct game, they treat it as saying, “I like you. Do you like me?”

A sincere opener is just an explanation of why I started talking to a woman. That’s it. I’m not telling her, consciously or subconsciously, that I love her, or that I want to be dating her, or anything like that. I’m not even saying that I like her. All I am saying is that she is attractive, and that is enough for me to start talking to her. That’s not really a big deal. When I approach a woman in a sincere way, I have the attitude of, “I am attracted to you. That’s exciting, but not the end all be all. Now I want to see if we like each other.”

What often happens when a man approaches sincerely is that he treats it like he has told a woman, “I like you”, when actually he is just attracted to her. Now, we’re men, a woman being attractive is usually enough to make us like her. If this is your M.O. with women right now, that’s fine. A direct, sincere approach to meeting them won’t serve you though. You are better off using a high energy, high attraction approach.

If someone approaches sincerely, and has the feeling that, “now she knows I like her”, then it might not go so well. The whole interaction will be skewed by the emotional discrepancy between how the man feels and how the woman feels. When people feel different things it tends to push them apart rather than pull them closer together. A better approach is to feel like, “she knows I am attracted to her, and of course I am. Now let’s figure out who each other is, and if we like each other.”

Wow, She’s Gorgeous

Nature programmed us men to get all these jumbly feelings when we see an attractive woman. When we see an attractive woman, our heart rate increases, and we get excited. Part of the power in a direct approach comes from being able to handle those feelings, and to treat them as what they are, a motivation to meet a woman, and see what happens next.

I think it is easy for us men to confuse those feelings of attraction for the whole enchilada. By approaching in a sincere way, you have to accept those feelings of attraction, rather than ignore them, as guys sometimes do when they approach indirectly. When we express that attraction we feel in a sincere way to a woman, it makes us feel invested in her, and in the outcome. We let it be more than it really is.

Of course we are attracted to women. That’s what we do. We’re men. Don’t let that be any more, or any less than what it is.

You Can Do This

Learn to do this.

Sign up for the Art Of Rapport workshop. I am teaching this workshop next weekend in San Francisco.

I dare you to find out more.

Listen To This Interview

The guys at Pickup Podcast did an interview with Cory Skyy.

It is good.  Really good.

He doesn’t really teach any tips or tactics, but this guy’s perspective is great.  If you have been exposed to a lot of tips and strategies to meet and attract women, listen to this interview.  It isn’t about finding the right thing to say to make her attracted, it is about being a dead sexy, confident, attractive man.

Just go listen to it.

Check out the podcast here.

Why You Get Nervous Approaching In Bars

I was hanging out in the Marina District one weekend. I ran into my friend Shawn, in addition to a bunch of other folks I knew.
“I still get nervous and full of anxiety when it is time to approach a girl” he told me.

Interlude: Earlier that night I was hanging out with my friend Ben, who was visiting from New York for the weekend. Ben and I decided that we wanted to have one of those nights where we drink a lot and have a good ol’ time together.

We were in the back room of the Matrix with a couple other friends, and two girls walk around the corner.

“There you are, we’ve been waiting all night for you guys,” I say to them as soon as I see them.

Ben doesn’t skip a beat, “Yeah, where have you been?”

He pulls one over to him, and I pull one over to me, and we start bantering and flirting with them. Standard protocol.

Eventually the girls left, we had a half hour of fun with them, then they went off on their merry way. Neither Ben nor I were particularly interested in these girls, we were just having a good ol’ time.

End Interlude.

So I told Shawn about what happened earlier when I was hanging out with Ben. There was no anxiety or nervousness because there was no actual approach. We were having fun, and they were there. Of course I said something to them.

When you are out in a bar or a club, there are always women around you to talk to and flirt with.

The way to not get anxious and nervous when you approach is to not approach in the traditional sense at all. Don’t stand there, think about how you want to approach her, then approach her. This is going to make you nervous as can be.

Approaching should be a lot more spontaneous when you are out at a bar or a club. If you are having fun yourself, this is going to make your interactions go all the more better. When you approach spontaneously, there won’t be a chance for your fun to turn into nervousness.

If you’re gonna go to bars and clubs to meet women, make sure you are having fun first.

Now go meet some women!

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If you are wondering what to say, or how to start interactions like this with women, check out the Art of Attraction workshop. We spend two and a half days learning exactly this, part of which is spent out in bars and clubs. In fact, if you take the workshop in San Francisco, chances are you will go to the very bar that all of the above took place at, and talk to some gorgeous women too..

CLICK HERE to find out more info.

Flirting is Infectious

I was getting my coffee this morning from the same little coffee kiosk that I always do, and of course, I flirted with Nikki, the girl who gives me my coffee, like I always do.

Then I noticed something. I had gotten my coffee, and I was waiting on the sidewalk next to the little coffee shop for my bagel. A lady who was waiting for her latte or whatever was sneaking glances over at me. Then another lady who was standing in line was shooting me glances. For a second I was thinking, “what is going on?”

Then I realized, “Oh, yeah. They like me.”

When you start acting more flirtatious with people, other people will notice. It carries over to other people. It effects the way you stand, hold yourself, walk and talk. Women notice, and it is attractive.

People will see that you have a little bit more lively attitude. They will see that you are having fun, and that you feel good. They will feel your smile.

Try it. Go flirt with the girl who gives you your coffee and watch how others notice.

Now knock that smile off your face.

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Approaching women and flirting with them in the middle of the day is just one of the things we teach in the three day long Daygame and the Art of Rapport workshop. It is three days on how to meet and connect with women in the situations you are in every day. Grocery shopping, at the bookstore, on the bus, and getting coffee. Check out more information.

Sexy Bodyguards

A fun way to approach and/or banter is to make a woman or group of women your bodyguard(s).

“Hey, are you guys the bouncers?”

“You are very intimidating”.

“These girls around here won’t stop grabbing my ass and flirting with me.  Can you guys help out?”

“This one is the best.  I know she’s got my back.”

Maybe you get the idea here.  This is particularly fun if you are a bigger guy.  It is always fun to make a smaller girl your bodyguard.  Make her show you her guns.  Show you which way to the  beach.  Grab her and hide behind her.  Make her protect you from her friends.

Go try this out and have some fun with women!

Spank a Woman

oooooh, niceA Valentine’s Day nuts and bolts special.  How to smack a woman’s @ss.

With the flat of your hand and fingers, fingers together, maximizing the impact area by making contact with the entire palm and fingers at the same time.  Aim for the softest, roundest part.

Now have a good day!

Ha!  Just kidding.  There’s more.  There are two important things to remember about how a man smacks a girl’s ass.  The first is that you have to do it with zero hesitation, and do NOT wait for a reaction.  If you smack her ass then stare at her, waiting to see how she will respond, almost like you are waiting to see if she will be upset, you are dead in the water.  Smack and move on.

The second thing is to not give in when she gets upset or protests after you smack it.  She very well might get upset.  Do not give in.  Deny you did it, joke that it is really fun, or say something like, “awe, I love you too”.

The bonus third thing.  Sometimes if you joke about giving a girl a spanking, she will stick it out a little and kind of tease you with it.  You have to spank then.  It is required.

Happy Valentines’s day!

It Is OVER Between Us

So adorableMy second nuts and bolts post is about one of my favorite banter themes.  Breaking up.

At some point in the conversation, if she says something (anything), go for it.

“You know, it is over between us.  I’m SO sorry it had to come out here, tonight, in this bar of all places.  It’s… I know we’ve had some good times baby, but, well, it’s not you, it’s me.  I need YOU to be strong.  Find love again.  We’ll always have the good times… that wild night in Vegas… those times you did that thing I like so much…”

“Oh, baby, who am I kidding!  I could never quit you!”

Maybe you get the idea.  I always really ham it up when I do this.  I get really melodramatic, so it is CLEAR that this is a joke.  When it is working well, the girl will play along with the heart break, give her own reasons it is over, etc.

If you wanna get into it more, have some fun talkign about the wild adventures that “you have had over the years”, tell her you want to keep the cat, or whatever else you can think of that has to do with breaking up.  Two more words: makeup sex.

Go out and have fun with this one, and post your questions and thoughts as a comment!

Sorry I'm Late!

Sexy!!Time to get back to basics.  This is nuts and bolts week.  Here’s my most often used opener:

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.”

Innocent enough to be used with women during the day, fun enough to use at night.  It flows into banter really well too.  It has been field tested plenty of times.  The first time I used this opener was about a year and a half ago, with my good friend Eric.  We thought we had stumbled upon some wonderful secret, because it worked well, and worked well often.

Bang.  You broke the ice with this.  Now what?

Banter, you sexy man, banter!

“Traffic was really bad, and the boss kept me at the office really late to finish a TPS report.  He was threatening to break out the whip but then I snuck out.  Have you been waiting long?”

Often the girls will jump in and banter right back.  “Where have you been!  We told you to meet us here an HOUR ago!”

You can riff on how much they missed you, building the anticipation, the crazy stuff that happened on the way, the fun stuff you will do now that you are there, or just have a big play fight about it.

Have fun with this one.

Make the Conversation SEXY!

Red BraArt of Attraction workshop, Saturday Night. Three girls are standing in the back area of the Bubble Lounge, time to approach!

“Sorry I’m late guys…”

They respond, “Oh my god! Where were you?”

We banter off of this for 30 seconds or so, and the one on my right likes me. We talk about going out in the City, what the scene is like. The girl on my right says something along the lines of, “I don’t always go out. You can’t do it all the time.”

“Yeah. You need to wait at least ten minutes between times doing it. I mean, you need some time to rest.”

It took a second, but then they cracked up laughing. Went on to talk about a few other racey things, then eventually the girls were leaving. They suggested I meet them at the next club, but alas, I was working, and not really interested to boot.

So what was the point of this story, other than bragging about how women want me?

It’s that you can take a flirtatious conversation to a sexual level quickly, and that women will like it.

With some caveats.

You have to really OWN this type of conversation, meaning you have to be completely comfortable when talking and joking about sexual topics and innuendo. Hesitation and nervousness will make these comments drop to the floor like a lead brick.

So why even bring up sexual conversation, create sexual innuendo, and misinterpret statements in a sexual way?

This type of conversation shows that you are a sexual person. More importantly, it shows that you are comfortable with that. When you are comfortable with this, women will know they can be comfortable with their own sexuality around you. No matter what kind of relationship you want with a woman, it is good when it starts with a sexual tone.