Category Archives: Inner and Personal Roadblocks and how to get past them

The things we think and believe effect how we relate to people, and in particular women, just as much as the things we do. Our beliefs and outlook can be our greatest asset, or our greatest roadblock. These posts address the personal challenges we all face as we become better men.

Life in LA is Harder

Ever since I moved to LA, my life is harder. I don’t get it.

By the way, I live in LA now.

I moved last July. I got a job offer that looked too interesting to resist. I took the job, and now I’m engineering amazing things. It is challenging, stressful, never boring, and very rewarding.

I’m happy I took the job.

Like I said though, I’m in LA now.

I’ve noticed something since I moved here: everything is harder.

It’s harder to exercise, to eat right, to get a good night of sleep, to relax, to find time to exercise, to find time to spend with friends, it goes on and on.

In San Francisco, I had a very nice routine. I lived in a great place, it was easier to eat better, easier to find time to exercise, to visit friends, to add things to my routine, to be productive, to pursue my personal projects, and more.

The only thing that wasn’t great was my job. It was kind of soul-sucking and terrible.

Now, my job is great, but everything else is suffering. I’m trying to figure this one out.

Really trying to figure this one out.

On a typical weekday, I wake up between 6am and 7am, drink coffee and durdle around until 8am, then get ready for work for the day. I get home from work around 7pm, exhausted, and ready to do nothing but chow down on unhealthy food and watch Netflix or read comics until 9 or 10 at night, when I get to sleep.

In San Francisco I woke up at 4am every morning to work on my personal creative projects. I walked a few miles a day around town. I made myself a good dinner in the evening, I found time to exercise. Not anymore.

This difficulty is compounded by regular travel. My girlfriend still lives in Northern Caifornia, so one of us is travelling to the other every 2 or 3 weeks. I don’t mind it, and there’s good reasons for the long distance (maybe that’s a future post). This is the hand I’ve decided to play, and it leaves me with much less free time as I am used to.

So here’s what I want:

  1. I want to eat healthier
  2. I want to exercise
  3. I want to lose these extra pounds
  4. I want to have time for personal projects
  5. I want to have energy for personal projects
  6. I want to have a cleaner apartment
  7. I want to be better organized

When it comes down to it, I’ve got an energy problem. I just don’t have as much as I would like, and the energy I do have seems to get used up by work.

As a result, I’m fatter and unhealthier than I want to be, and I’m not getting as much done.

That’s my current difficulty, and what I want to spend the next couple months changing.

Do you have anything in your life that you want to change? Are you finding that you have difficulties? Let me know in the comments.

Reason you need game, number 413

I came across this in my RSS feed this morning:

British police say they’ve charged a 33-year-old woman with stabbing a man through the eye with her stiletto heel.

… the man was in a critical but stable condition after the woman, with whom he was sharing a cab, assaulted him with the heel of her shoe.

Read the whole article

Funny? maybe.

Sad? maybe.

Avoidable? Definitely.

This kind of thing should not be happening. If you can’t keep your cool enough so that your woman doesn’t stab her stiletto heel through your eye, you need to work on that.

A man keeps his cool.

How Proper Action Can Propel Your “Inner” Game Forward

I recently watched a video with Tony Robbins, John Reese and Frank Kern, that really gelled together something I have thought about for a while. I highly recommend this video, since Frank and John talk to Tony about the question of why so many of the people that get involved with Internet Marketing never get anywhere with it. They maybe buy a few products, but never end up really acting on it and making major changes to their life.

The similarities between this and men’s efforts to improve with women should be self-evident. Plenty of men read blogs, and invest in books, programs, or workshops to improve, but don’t quite make all of the steps necessary to put it in to practice. The video is about 40 minutes long, and well worth the time to view it:

Tony Robbins, Frank Kern, and John Reese Video.

The most important part of this video, in my mind, is this diagram that Tony draws:

The cycle of Potential-Action-Result-Belief

We all believe we have some Potential, and that Potential leads us to take the Actions that we perform. Those Actions then return a Result, and that Result either changes or reinforces our Beliefs. Our Beliefs directly effect what we believe our Potential is. The cycle continues.

This cycle can be a flat line, where nothing ever changes, it can be a downward cycle, where negative beliefs work around to negative actions, which furthers our negative beliefs, or it can be a positive cycle, that leads onwards and upwards.

Tony focuses on changing these beliefs in this video, and that is good and useful to some degree, but isn’t always the best, or most effective way to go about this.

The thing with this cycle is that there is no beginning point. Any one of these boxes can be targeted to turn this cycle into a positive, upwards cycle. You can start anywhere here, and things will improve.

For instance, take a guy with bad beliefs about his abilities and chances with women, beliefs that hold him back from taking the proper actions to get amazing results. Now put him in a hot tub with 4 Swedish bikini models that all want to take him to their room and molest him, and his inner game is gonna get fixed right away.

Those Results instantly change his Beliefs, which effects what he sees as his Potential, which will impact his Actions.

So much self help and “inner game” stuff targets the Belief portion of this cycle, and this is why I think a lot of inner game stuff is BS. Your and my Beliefs are the hardest to change out of those 4 things. After all, we have years and years of results that reinforce our beliefs.

Do you think that saying “I am sexy” 10 times to yourself in the morning can overcome being treated as unsexy since junior high? You can’t think your way out of years of experience.

I think we all have a belief about how hot of women we can get. It’s this little belief that is lurking down inside of all of us. Take the guy that thinks that he can only get girls that look so-so, let him date Megan Fox for a couple months, and his beliefs about how hot of women he can get are gonna change pretty quickly.

A strong result will do far more to change beliefs than anything else.

Here’s a real world example. I was working with a guy at a workshop a couple weekends ago, and he thought he had a problem with women. His belief was that he just didn’t quite have what it took to be successful with women, and that there was something wrong with him. I pushed him into action to talk to a woman in Union Square, and he ended up instadating her and spent an hour with her in a cafe.

That Result from his Actions did far more to change his Beliefs than inner game work could have.

Actions and Results are the fastest and easiest way to change beliefs, and with it, inner game.

This is why I have always been rubbed the wrong way when people say that they need to work on their inner game. The best way to get better Inner Game is to get better Outer Game. The inner game will improve from the outside in.

Here’s another example from my life.

I’ve noticed that I feel much more confident lately. It’s a “new level of confidence and power” (Pantera rules). I figured out what this comes from, and it comes from all the “find your purpose” crap that gets thrown around all the time.

I say it’s crap when it’s really not. It’s actually incredibly important stuff. I’ve only recently started to see the power behind this. A couple months ago I invested in some art supplies and got to work with a big art project, the first since I finished art school, other than the random drawings and doodles. I don’t need to get really deep into it, but suffice to say, creating art is VERY important to me. The world makes more sense when I create stuff.

Because I am doing this, my life feels more complete, and I have a sense of being a fuller person. I feel like I bring much more to the table when I meet a woman, and I have a rich life to bring her into, one that is very satisfying for me. If she isn’t interested, that is fine, I know that it isn’t because I have a douschy, pathetic life.

The beginning of this advance was Action. I performed an Action (started making a series of 101 prints), which led to a Result (a feeling of satisfaction about my life), which led to a Belief (I have a rich, full life to share with women), which led to Potential (more women).

Most of my inner game advances came as a result of Actions and their Results, not the other way around.

There are still specific things I remember that changed my inner game. The time I was waiting for one girl outside her apartment to pick her up for a date, when another woman called while I was waiting. There are others that I won’t share publicly here :)

I think that most inner game issues can be addressed by taking Proper Action. Proper Action will do far more for your inner game than anything else, and Results from that Action will improve your inner game far more than thinking about it will.

Following nervousness will make you a better man

Nervousness is an outdated survival mechanism that is no longer relevant.

Now, before I go on, I want to be clear that I am talking about nervousness with women. And let’s face it. Many men get nervous around women, especially very attractive women.

I asked out my high school girlfriend after I ran into her at the beach one summer between my junior and senior year. I was hanging out with my sister, and my sister had to heavily encourage me to get over my nervousness and ask her for her phone number and out on a date.

I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest because my heart was beating so hard.

I thought the nervousness would kill the first time I approached a woman I didn’t know (the dreaded cold approach).

This was my first semester after transferring to UC Berkeley for Engineering School, and there was one girl in one or two of my classes that was drop dead gorgeous. I spent five minutes walking a ways behind her as I worked up the courage to approach her, fumble over my opening lines, and introduce myself.

Oh, the nervousness hurt. But in both of these cases, it was the right thing to do. Absolutely the right thing to do.

I dated that girl I walked up to on the beach for 5 years, and I fell crazy in love with her. The girl at I followed through campus, building up my courage to talk to ended up being very friendly, and though I fumbled over everything I did when I met her, I learned that I wouldn’t die if I approached a gorgeous woman.

Why was I even nervous? Neither of these situations ended poorly, and really, neither of them could have gone really poorly. The worst that could have happened would be that the girl tell me she wasn’t interested. No real harm there.

So why was I so nervous?

I’m hardwired to get nervous around beautiful women. We all are to some degree. What’s going on in these situations is that we are doing something a little bolder than we are used to doing.

We get nervous when we do something outside of our comfort zone. All sorts of things push people outside of our comfort zones:

  • Public speaking
  • Parachuting out of airplanes
  • Job interviews
  • Asking for a raise at work
  • …and talking to beautiful women

Often times, there is some sort of risk involved when something makes us nervous. When jumping out of an airplane, there is a risk of the parachute not working. When going for a job interview you might not get the job. You might antagonize your boss when you ask for a raise.

There isn’t much risk in meeting a woman though. Even the risks that people often think exist don’t really exist. “What if everybody sees me get shot down?” In reality, most of the guys will be respecting the man that takes that risk to approach the woman, something they didn’t have the guts to do.

“What if she shoots me down?” Well, you won’t have any less than you have now.

With women, often times nervousness points out the right thing to do.

  • If approaching a woman makes you nervous, then you should probably approach her.
  • If talking to a woman makes you nervous, then you should probably be talking to her
  • If asking a woman out on a date makes you nervous, then you should ask her out.
  • If kissing a woman makes you nervous, then it is probably the right time to kiss her.

If you do these things that make you nervous when you are around women, it will expand your comfort zone, and increase your comfort with meeting women, dating women, and moving your relationships with women forward.

If you want to get better at meeting women, better at flirting with them, better at dating the women that makes your hair on your arms stand up, there will some things that you will have to do that will make you nervous.

You will have to do things that make you nervous. You will have to do things that you don’t want to do because it makes you nervous when you think about it. When you do it anyway, you will grow, and become a more confident, self-assured man.

Recognize nervousness for what it is, the path to greatness.

Fixation Will Make You Strike Out

I love baseball, I love to watch it, and I love to play it.

I played a year of little league when I was 11 or so.

I wasn’t very good. In fact, I kinda sucked.

One day at little league practice I had trouble hitting the ball. The more I fixated on it, the more nervous I became, and the harder it got to hit it. I got frustrated, and nervous, and anxious. All my team mates were watching. The more I fixated on hitting the ball, the harder it got.

It was humiliating, and it hurt my confidence to play baseball.

It hurt my confidence so much that I didn’t even make it into the major leagues as a pro baseball player. Maybe my life would be different if I just wouldn’t have fixated on the ball so much.

Home runs are better than strike outs, third base is better than first base

Somehow, baseball has worked its way into our collective “hitting on girls” vernacular.

We get to first base, second base, score, and strike out (like I did last night — even I don’t hit all of them out of the park).

I keep thinking back to that day in little league practice though, when I was so fixated on hitting the ball, that I repeatedly struck out. I thought that it can be really similar to learning how to flirt with women.

I remember being in bars and getting so fixated on trying to approach a woman and work my magic on her that I couldn’t actually do it. At least, not well. The more I fixated on this the more nervous I got, and struck out a lot of times.

This was very common when I was starting out my path to learn how to and be comfortable with picking up chicks. I was learning new skills and pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, two things that drive a person to fixate on what they are doing.

If you have ever thought you should hit on a woman, but weren’t sure what to do, or what to say, or if you learned some lines somewhere and tried them out with a few women in a bar, without really being comfortable with the interaction, you may have experienced what I am talking about.

When you get into this state of mind when you are fixating on what to do when you talk to women, it lends itself to getting more and more nervous about what you are doing.

Hitting home runs should be fun.

The way to snap out of it when this happens is to jar that fixation somehow and shake that focus.

If you are at a bar, go get a shot with friends, and have a good old time shootin’ down a shot of whiskey. Grab a buddy and butt chests, or tell them a lame joke you heard.

When you focus on having fun instead of on the process of what you are doing, you can avoid the fixation that may be causing you to get more nervous and strike out. I don’t want you to strike out, that’s no fun for you, or the girl.

Baseball — and hitting on women — should be fun. Keep that in mind as the primary goal for a night out on the town, and it will all work out.

Batter up.

The hidden curse of American Freedom, and how to break free of it

This is a Deacon Go America message. Happy Fourth.

Our Country is free. What are you gonna do with it?

We have an amazing amount of Freedom in America. We have the freedom to make of ourselves, and our lives, what we want. Do you want to be rich? Famous? Have a big house? Lots of women? Lots of fun?

You can do pretty much anything in America, as long as it doesn’t hurt others.

So why aren’t you?

There is a hidden curse in the American lifestyle, and that is the curse of comfort.

Comfort is a nasty critter, it sneaks up on us and grabs us, and we usually don’t even know it. This critter can make us content with what we have, and make us feel good enough with where we are in life.

Comfort kills dreams.

Comfort makes us content with good enough.

One of the blessings of America is that it provides for people who just want to be comfortable, and it provides well. There is nothing wrong with good enough. If it you are happy with good enough, you will live a good life.

I have a feeling though, that if you are content with good enough, you wouldn’t be reading this blog.

How comfortable are you with who you are and where you are in life?

I don’t mean this in a “good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me” sort of way. I mean this in the sense of how much you are used to being who and what you are.

It is possible to not like your job, but be comfortable with it. It’s possible to be comfortable with not having a lean, muscular body, even if you want something different.

It is possible to be unhappy with your relationships with women, but be comfortable with it.

The source of all comfort

The comfort we have in life is strongly linked to our routines and habits. Sticking to our habits is very comforting. When we do something outside of one of our habits, it is uncomfortable. When you walk into a coffee shop and see a spectacular woman in there, is it your habit or routine to walk up to her and flirt with her? For most people in this world, the answer is no, and for those people, it is very comfortable not to approach her.

The blessing of the freedom we have in America is that we are free to do things that we are not comfortable with. We have the freedom to break our habits, and change our routines. This is no small thing. This is a luxury, and one that we can afford because of all of the comforts that we have in America.

How to break the curse of comfort

How do we break our habits and change our routines?

This is one of those questions where the answer is simple, but not easy.

It is like asking how to lose weight. The answer is simple, exercise and take in less calories than you burn.

Changing your habits and routines is simple: Do different stuff.

That answer, however, does not describe how difficult it is. In reality, there are a whole bunch of reasons why it is hard to change our habits and routines. It takes effort and diligence, and most of all, it takes an awareness of when the comfort of a habit is sneaking up on us.

Remember, comfort is a nasty critter that will sneak up on you. Even when you have started to make changes and do things differently, that critter might find you and grab you again. Before you know it you are back to your old comfortable habits.

Start by paying attention to your habits

I’ll have more about identifying and changing habits and routines in the future, but for those of you that want to start doing something today, pay attention to your habits, and when you are comfortable.

Everything you decide to do, ask yourself if you are doing it because it is exciting, and pushing you forward in life, or if it is merely the comfortable thing to do.

God Bless America, because we can have the comforts of life, while pushing the boundaries of what makes us comfortable.

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

Does Barack Obama Validate You?

I am writing this on Barack Obama’s inauguration day, 20 January, 2009. This may not seem like it has anything to do with meeting women at first, but bear with me through the end.

Now, I am not an Obama lover. I thought he was the better choice of the two candidates to lead the country, but I don’t believe that he is the messiah, or that he will magically make the world a better place, and I am not irrationally filled with hope.

But some people do, and some people are.

At work today, the office manager allowed the inauguration to be played in one of the conference rooms. Anyone who wanted to take a break and watch it was free to do so. The office manager is not the most socially gifted person in the world, but she does make some efforts, and she made a joke in her announcement of the inauguration viewing that she may be crying when she sees him sworn in, if for no other reason than that Mr. Obama is able to put together a complete sentence that is grammatically correct.

I was thinking about this a bit, because I have noticed a sense of pride and joy over Obama being president that I don’t remember from any past inaugurations. Don’t misunderstand me, I completely respect the historical significance and the move forward in racial equality that this represents, and am filled with joy at the thought that both my 6 year old and 6 month old nephews will grow up in a country where a black man is president. I don’t think that we understand the social significance of this right now, and we won’t realize the significance until we see how the next generation is different.

Anyway, I got to thinking about why my office manager was having such a strong emotional reaction to this event. As I was thinking about this, I thought about the large, sweeping, overly-generalizing and stereotyping views about who are democrats and who are republicans. The story seems to be that democrats represent “intelligent” America, and the republicans represent “the real” America. I don’t buy into this, but it has become somewhat of a meme. I think that there are people out there that see Barack Obama’s win in the election as a victory for “intelligent” America.

So further more about my office manager. She is successful in an analytical field (I am an engineer by day), and very intelligent. She is not the most feminine woman, in fact very much not so. She dresses poorly, has a poor haircut, and really sacrifices the traditional attractive female qualities. I think she has sacrificed some of this in order to succeed. Or perhaps, that is what she tells herself. Seeing this victory of Obama, this victory of intelligence, so to speak, may very well be very validating for herself that she is right for being less womanly in order to pursue her “intelligent” career.

Now, this is pure conjecture, I have no idea if this is true at all, but I imagine that it is for a number of people. I think a number of people have a story about themself in their mind, and this story goes somewhat like this: “I have sacrificed certain things, or am not good at certain things, and that is ok, because I am intelligent. I may not be good looking, or socially successful, or wealthy, but that is alright because I am smart and intelligent”. It is a bit like the skit on Kanye West’s College Dropout album, “no, I don’t know what sexy is but I can count up the change in your purse very fast!”

So everybody that voted for Obama, and saw that as an intelligent choice, got a HUGE hit of validation today. If they have a story in their head explaining their life that uses their intelligence as a reason, or explanation, or consolation for not having other things in their life that they want, then that STORY got a huge hit of validation today.

Feeding from and seeking validation is a pretty uncool thing to do, and may be the subject of a future post, but I want to focus on the stories we tell ourself. I think that we all do it to some degree. These stories can be beneficial. Maybe the story you tell yourself is that you are too sexy for your shirt, and all the women want you because of that. That is a great story, and is gonna work for you.

You can come up with bad stories, or stories that make excuses for something else. Here’s some of the bad stories I told myself:

  • The things I say aren’t interesting, and people aren’t going to want to talk to me or be friends with me
  • If I have a strong emotional reaction to something, it is because I was not strong enough to keep it back, and these emotions are a sign of weakness

Or how about one of my favorites:

  • When I am mean and insulting to women I am using negs, or cocky/funny, or teasing them, and am being more successful with women! (when in reality, you are just insulting them and being a jerk)

Crazy stuff, huh? I spent years coming up with these stories, and I didn’t even know I was doing it! It wasn’t until a few years ago, when I started to closely examine my emotional patterns that I discovered that I told this story to myself.

Here are some other stories that I hear from men that are working to improve their dating life and ability to flirt:

  • I need some time not talking to women to get my “inner game” together. (No you don’t, you need to be around more women)
  • I’m not nervous about talking to that woman, I just want to wait until I finish my drink. (No, you’re actually just nervous)
  • I don’t like meeting woman out at night because quality women don’t go to bars. (No, they do, this is just an excuse)

These stories are insidious, we usually don’t even realize they exist, but they effect the things we do.

To find out what stories you may have floating around, ask yourself a question: what is it that I want that I don’t have?

Got it?

Now ask yourself: why don’t I have that, why is it hard for me to get that, or why am I not doing that?

The answer that you want to tell people is the story. The little thing gnawing inside of you that you are trying to ignore is the real answer.

Usually, the real answer to these questions is that “I am afraid. I am nervous. I am uncomfortable. I don’t have confidence in myself.”

I asked myself these questions, and came up with those answers. It felt shameful, and I felt a little weak. Like I wasn’t good enough. We are supposed to be capable of anything, and to admit fear or discomfort or lack of confidence is difficult.

I also realized that it’s ok. By accepting these uncomfortable answers, rather than the answers that our story provides, it allows us to confront these things and really change them.

REAL change requires confronting these inner demons, rather than just paying them lip service and avoiding them. If you want to make some fundamental changes to yourself, you might decide to look at some aspects of your life in this way.

So, uh, go out and do this! I don’t really know how to wrap this up other than to say that I spent a while doing this, I have journals filled with my notes and thoughts as I worked through these types of issues myself, and I am glad I did.

It is a good thing.

Male Pattern Irrationality, Part 23

Or: Sean Falls In Love For The 178th Time

Happy New Year!

The new year always seems like a time when we can make a big shift in our life.

But I digress.

Last night was New Years eve.  I went out with half a dozen friends out to some bars in the Mission to celebrate.  I ended up meeting Zoey, and talked to her for a while.  She was fun, cool, and cute.  Ah, life was good.

Eventually, she had to run off to find a friend, but we told each other we would talk later.  Anyway, I was in love.  Smitten.  I was into her, and I wanted to talk to her more and see where it could go.

Then my buddies told me to hit on Laura, who was getting drinks at the bar next to us.  Don’t mind if I do, so I started talking to her.  I figured it would be something to do while I waited to find Zoey again.  Then something unexpected happened.  I helped Laura carry her drinks back to her friends, and then proceeded to dance and kiss the night away with her.  I’m totally smitten with her.

This morning, I talked to one of my friends I was out with last night.  They had no idea where I had gone last night when I was with Laura, since I kinda disappeared to hang out with her.  All my friends ended up leaving to go somewhere else.  So anyhow, I was telling my buddy about my night, and about the girl I met last night.

He tells me, “Ah, you’re in love”.

Then I realize: “Yeah, but I was in love with the girl I was talking to earlier in the night right before I met her too.”  He laughed, but I realized there was a nugget of something here.

Have you ever met a woman, hit it off with her, and then couldn’t get her out of your mind?  Maybe you met her in a bar, and want to talk to her more and get her number, or you got her number, and then just think about what to say, what to text, or how to make it work out?

Because that happen last night, with the first woman I met.  I was thinking, “where is she?  I want to talk to her more.”  This lasted ALL night.  Well, no.  Not all night.  About 10 minutes.  Right up until I met the next girl I really liked.

That fixation was real though.  I experience it all the time.  I see it in men that I coach.  I see it in my friends.  Things go well with a woman, and we get fixated on her.  We want it to work out.  We want her to like us, and we aren’t so interested in any other women.

I hear questions like, “what should I text her?”, or “should I leave so she doesn’t see me talking to other women?”  All subtle variations of “how do I not screw this up?”

This fixation is a Male Pattern Irrationality.  It doesn’t make sense, but we tend to focus on the last woman we met.  We forget the ones we met before her.  There is only room for one woman in our memory at a time.

When a woman fills this irrational spot in our memory, we do all sorts of crazy stuff.  We act different, try to act too cool, or we are too eager, or too needy, or too something.  Basically, we are much more prone to getting in our own way of it working out.

This “problem” is also its own solution though.  If there is a woman you have met, and you really like her, the best thing you can do is to immediately go meet another woman.  Fill up that irrational spot in in your memory with another woman.  This will free you to think about this first woman that you really liked in a much more rational way.

Then you can proceed to get smitten with her again in a totally rational way.

Happy New Year.  One of the changes I am planning to implement this year is keeping up with my blog.  I have dozens of unwritten posts floating up in my head, hopefully I’ll get them down on paper.

Get What You Want, Player

I was having lunch with a friend of mine yesterday, and we were talking about where we were in life, and what we wanted. She called me a player at one point, and I laughed and told her that I certainly was.

I thought about it for a second though, and I told her, “You know what a player is. A player is a guy that knows what he wants in life and goes out and gets it.”

She joked around that I always get what I want, and we had some fun after that.

That’s what a player is though, someone who knows what he wants and goes about getting it. A player knows what he is all about, and is OK with it. He has come to terms with it, and has no guilt over it. He has no shame about what he does, or what he wants.

This is a good thing. Knowing what you want and going about getting it is one of the most valuable life mindsets there is. If you have any hang ups, or guilt, or shame about the things that you want, then you need to work past that, and learn to treat yourself first. Be selfish, and be greedy with what you bring into your life. It’s ok.

If you are just lazy, then you need to think long and hard about what you want, if you really want it, and if it is worth the effort and work that it will take.

I read a little David Deida last night, and something stuck with me. He wrote that it is never going to end. It is never going to be over. You are never going to get to that “one day” when everything falls in to place and the time is right to do what you really want to do. Do it now. Get to it, because if the time isn’t right, the time is never going to be right.

Let’s go out and get what we want.

Improve Your Hand

This post isn’t about flirting with women.  Only read this if you want to be better with women though.

This post is a result of two things.  The first is a offhand statement I made in this post.  I said something along the lines of, “you’re not playing all your cards when you approach in a direct, sincere way, unless you have a weak hand.” Well, this got me to thinking, “how do you improve your hand?”

The second thing that motivated this post is that my parents came to visit last weekend. My parents don’t come up to San Francisco too often, and it is really nice when they do. We drank some wine, ate a huge, filling calzone at Uncle Vito’s, and had breakfast in Union Square.

One thing that my dad and I talked about is finances and wealth. I am learning how to make money, and I am learning about wealth. I am not wealthy now, but someday, I hope to be.  I am working on it.

This is the point of this article.  The easiest way to improve your hand with women is to get other parts of your life together.  Specifically, your health and your wealth.

I am a firm believer in the “health, wealth, and relationships” motto.  These three things are the most important aspects of a man’s quality of life.  By far.

When I don’t have one of these three things handled, I feel less confident.  My hand isn’t as strong.  I am gonna go out on a limb and say that this is universal. To feel confident as a man, we need to have these three things under control.

Now, what it means to have these three things under control is different to everybody.  Wealth to one person may mean having a yacht, two lamborghini’s and a house in the hills.  Wealth to someone else may mean a cozy apartment and a job they like that gives them enough extra spending cash.

What is important with all of these three things, it isn’t important to be the most successful person in this area.  I am not trying to tell you to be a Donald Trump triathlete that dates Carmen Elektra.  What is important is that you have the level of health, wealth, and relationships that you want.

…Or that you are working towards them.

This next part is the tricky thing. It is the cool thing. The thing that we are oh, so lucky about.

Your confidence will skyrocket if you just start making changes.  If you are trying to improve your health, starting to do something, like jogging, or eating healthier, will make you feel more confident.  It will make you feel more confident because you are doing something to get this handled. You don’t have to be able to run a half marathon, but starting the process of getting healthier will make you feel more confident about yourself, especially as you start to see results.

It’s the same thing with women.  If you go and talk to a woman today, even if it doesn’t go that well, you will feel more confident about this area of your life because you did something about it.  The same thing goes for wealth.

What I am really trying to say here is to pay attention to these other things in your life other than your relations with women.  Getting them handled will improve your overall confidence.  You don’t have to completely solve the problem, but just starting to take action will itself make you feel more successful and confident.

It is important that you actually do something about it though.  Reading an exercise book doesn’t cut it, but going for a quick jog does.  Reading Start Late, Finish Rich doesn’t do anything about it, but finding a way to save a dollar or two every day does.  Reading my blog doesn’t do anything about it, but talking to a woman today does.

Improve your hand.  Give yourself pocket aces.

Now I’m gonna go for a jog.