I use text messages a lot. In my opinion, it is a key tool available for interacting with women. I think they are better than phone AND email. They are quick, easy to respond to, and private. They can be light and friendly, fun and flirty, seductive, or downright nasty. I have had text message conversations that fit into all of these. I have even had text sex (though I’m not talking about THAT in this article).
I have read some other stuff about text messages here and there, but nothing very thorough. I want to try to put together some general thoughts on “text message game”.
Text messages should be short and fun, and flirty, charming or seductive. There is no place for logic in a text message. If things start going logical in a text message convo, then you need to stop, or redirect the conversation right away.
Usually a girl will initially react generically, ie. Boring, to a text message you send. Girls aren’t used to guys flirting with them with text message. Yet. You have to ramp it up immediately after her response. If you send something like, “hey cutie, thinking of me much? :)”, chances are you will get a response like “haha, how are you?” Now, you can’t respond, “I’m fine, how R U?” That’s weak sauce. We want the strong sauce. A better response would be, “I was gonna kidnap you to vegas and get us married by elvis, but nevermind..:)” However she responds, you can then respond “yeah, married by the fat elvis…”
That’s a taste of my sauce’s flavor.
My RULES for text messages:
- I always address them with pet names like darlin’, sweetie, cutie pie, sexy, gorgeous, adorable brat, etc.
- I use proper grammar. I don’t use the normal abbreviations. If you do, U R 2 stop. I do abbreviate stuff like family to “fam”, San Francisco to SF, etc. I hope I don’t have to say this, but NEVER USE LEET SPEAK (wikipedia it if you don’t know). Know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, “to” and “too”, etc. A side rule to this, the more sexual the message, the more proper the grammar you should use. Which feels sexier, “I want 2 slowly kiss Ur lips…” or “I want to slowly kiss your lips…”?
- Sign your name when it is the first one or two text messages you send (credit: my friend Robert1). All you do is write your text, then at the end add “-Sean.” Replace “Sean” with your own name though, or include my cell phone number in the text if you don’t.
- I use a lot of smiley faces This replaces the big friendly smile you would have on your face when you deliver a banter line. Text messages should basically be banter lines. I do not use any other faces other than smiley faces. No winky face;) no “P” face 😛 (I actually don’t even know what this is supposed to mean), etc. Some might disagree, but personally I think this borders on leet speak, which is not ok. Furthermore, I want my words to convey my message. If my words, punctuation and a smiley face aren’t enough, then I feel I am doing something wrong.
- I use rich descriptions. If I do say how I am doing, I make it descriptive. In response to “how R U?” I might reply “Just saw the sunset over the bay, the sky’s glowing orange – looks incredible!”
- Jump on the offers a girl makes. An “offer” is a term from improv acting. It is when one actor says something that describes something about the other actor. Example, one actor says to the other, “I like that large funny hat you have on”, the other actor then would go on with that theme of wearing a large funny hat. It is a little different with text messages, but if a girl sends you something that you can make fun and sexy, do it. For example, I got a text message from one of the girls the other night, “buenas noches. Dulces suenos guapo.” [translates: good night. Sweet dreams, handsome]. I replied the next morning by writing, “good morning, beautiful. Have a good day.” Except I wrote it in french. I took her theme, and replied in a way that was similar, but original and charming.
- Brevity. You have to say everything very quickly. If you can’t say it in about 10 to 20 words, then rework it until you can. It is ALWAYS possible to flirt in less than 12 words, in my opinion. If you don’t think so, “you are a dork :)” (see, it is that easy). Get rid of everything and anything that is not necessary, by not necessary I mean not flirty and fun.
- Punctuation. The main punctuation techniques I use are CAPS, ellipses… exclamation!!! Question marks?? both?!?!, [brackets], and (parenthesis). And smiley face as I mentioned before These all have different emotional effects, use them! Caps are REALLY EXCITING!! Wtf?!? [roll my eyes] don’t make me.. come over there… and wrap my arms around you… (I won’t spank tooo hard)
WHEN to use text:
ALL THE TIME!! You can send a girl a text a day or so after you meet her, before a day2, after a day 2, after sex, when she is your girlfriend, etc. Text messaging is a good way to stay in contact with a girl that you can’t see often. I think that phone and email should mainly be used to set up meets, but for pure flirting, text is better.
What NOT to say:
Cock. Balls. Dick. P*ssy. F*ck. Sh*t. Unless you have established that these words get your girl off. Don’t say anything negative. The things you send should make you smile when you think about sending them. This can be a sly smirk, a big fun smile, or a seductive smile, but it should be positive.
I think the most important thing is to try to make the girl smile. That is the point of all this. It doesn’t matter if she responds. You should only be trying to write something that will make her feel good, or feel special, or feel sexy when she reads it. You are NOT fishing for getting anything back. You should be inspiring her to want to send you a text back.
Pay attention to the subtext of the text. Often times what is really being said is not what the words actually are. The obvious example is a late night text asking if you are out and about means “I want you to come home with me”. Subcommunication is pretty complicated. I won’t really get into it. I do suggest paying attention to it though.
This all may take a little practice. Lord knows I have sent off some dumb text messages.
I am gonna dig into my text message past to give examples:
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Here’s an example of a text message sent to a woman a few days after the number close. The pretext was that we would go jogging together some time. This was our first contact:
How’s my new running buddy. You ready to RUMBLE! Sean.
It’s playful, and I signed my name, because it was my first contact with her after meeting her, per rule 3 above.
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I like this example because I keep going back to flirting over and over in the conversation. Luckily I wrote it down for posterity, so I have it for use as an example (most good examples just get deleted from my phone)
Sean: Hey sexy. How is my adorable little brat?
A: Haha…just fine! And u?
Sean: Great! The sun is finally out, spring is in the air, I love it!
A:It was 86 here today! Its gonna be a hot summer.
Sean: You like it hot?
A: I like it warm and breezy
Sean: Hmmm… Interesting… Says a lot about you. So when I call later, are you gonna answer? I can’t believe I even have to ask…
[note: I had called twice and she didn’t answer both times, but she sent me texts back apologizing for not being able to talk]
A: Haha..call @ 1030 and i will answer
Sean: That’s past my bedtime. I’ll have to call my mom for permission.
Sean: Ah, baby, I love you too.
A: Call me @ 1030..i should be done by then
Sean: If you’re not, I’m filing for divorce
A: Haha..u make me smile
Sean: Yup. Talk later.
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Here’s one I sent to my last girlfriend. It is an example of a seductive text. I sent it in the middle of the day, while she was at work:
my hand across your bare back, you feel my breath in your ear… and I pull your body against mine… you feel my heat as our skin touches like silk…
I think she replied with something like “It’s getting hot in here”, so I just kept this description going for a few more texts.
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Here’s what I sent to a girl right after leaving her apartment late at night, after we hooked up on the first date:
This was meant to be reassuring and make her feel good about what we did all night, and to make her smile one last time that night.
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Here’s an example of ignoring her logical question and responding in an emotional/charming/seductive way. It starts with a general ping, just to get the ball rolling:
Sean: Hope you have a good day (night) at work. Kiss kiss
D: Ahhhh……Thank u …Did u have to teach? [at the weekend workshop]
Sean: Mmmm… Thinking about your delicious kisses..
D: Your way to good to be true sweet dreams
I totally ignored her question, and just responded with something much better. I am pretty sure she is glad she got the text that she did, rather than the answer to her question.
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Now put this information to use, and make some women in your life happy!