Halfway through high school, things started to change. I had a couple good friends. I even had a girlfriend for a couple weeks. Damn I felt cool making out with her at school.Then my crush came true. One day I was at the beach with my sister. It was the summer break before my senior year of high school. I ran into a girl I went to school with there with one of her friends. She came over, said “hi”, and we talked for a little bit. I think it was clear from my vacant stare and general nervousness that I really liked this girl. It was obvious to my sister at least. She made me go ask her out.God bless my older sister, I never would have done it otherwise.I had a crush on this girl for months before this. We had an art class together, and we would talk in class all the time. She would ask me what to do about the older guy she was dating, and I tried to be the helpful friend. One day in class her and I ended up outside alone. We were supposed to be drawing, but we ended up putting aside the drawing boards, laying in the grass, and talking. I wanted to kiss her the entire time. I didn’t.Anyway, back on the beach on that summer afternoon. My heart was racing. I knew with my mind what I was doing as I walked over to her, but I don’t think my body quite understood. I still remember how nervous I was, how I pretended not to be, and how excited I was when she gave me her phone number. I didn’t have a pen and paper, so I had to memorize it on the spot.
I still remember that phone number, almost a dozen years later.
She was, in my mind and heart, the most gorgeous girl in the entire school. This wasn’t just because I was clowded by affection, she really was gorgeous. I was dating her. This alternated between making life miserable and making it wonderful. I completely fell in love with her.
When it was time to go to college, we both went to school in Northern California, about 90 miles from each other. We spent every other weekend together.
Earlier I wrote that the more unique something feels, the more universal it is. I sat here trying to type the right thing to make you understand how much I loved her. Then I remembered. If you have ever loved someone so much that your love felt more important than yourself or your life, if you have ever loved someone so much that it made you cry, if you loved someone so much you could feel it throughout your body, all the way to the tips of your fingers, then you know how much I loved this girl.
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