I was six years old the first time I kissed a girl.It was late one afternoon, before I had to get home for dinner. I was at a friend’s house, and another neighborhood girl I had a crush on was there as well. Her and I ended up huddled next to each other on the side of my friends house because the wind was blowing. I don’t even remember how it happened, or even why it happened. I was young though, and my love was fickle. It wasn’t long before my eyes wandered, and some other cute little girls on the playground stole my affection. This pattern continued and continued, all the way till 4th or 5th grade.I got older, I became a little skater. I listened to Nirvana and Pearl Jam in my headphones while I skated around town. I didn’t have too many friends, and I got picked on every now and then. I was on the football team in high school until I learned that, for the most part, I didn’t like football or any of the guys that played football. I found punk rock, and found a nice little avenue to explore with my teenage angst. Dead Kennedys, Crass, Subhumans, and Minor Threat made up my adolescent anthem. I was angry, and I felt alone a lot. Really alone. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I didn’t really have any friends. That didn’t stop me from having my secret crushes though, just like back in the day on the playground.
There is one thing I have learned as I have grown up. The more we feel something, and it feels unique, personal, and feels like it is something that nobody can understand, the more universal it is. It’s one of the funny things about being human. The more alone we feel, the more we feel just like everyone else. The more the love we feel feels stronger than everyone else’s, the more it is the same. The more our pain, joy, and rage feels completely unique, the more it is exactly the same as everyone else’s.
I felt really alone as I was growing up. I know I’m not the only one.
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