Monthly Archives: September 2009

Women: How To Make A Man Love You

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about this.

Women, if you want to make a man love you, like crazy love you, then understand him.

Put in the work to really “get” him.

This is not easy to do, and off the top of my head, I don’t have any practical advice about how to do this. My experience makes me pretty sure it works though.

I can count the number of women I felt like really “got” me on one hand, without using three of my fingers.

I still love both of them very much.

How Proper Action Can Propel Your “Inner” Game Forward

I recently watched a video with Tony Robbins, John Reese and Frank Kern, that really gelled together something I have thought about for a while. I highly recommend this video, since Frank and John talk to Tony about the question of why so many of the people that get involved with Internet Marketing never get anywhere with it. They maybe buy a few products, but never end up really acting on it and making major changes to their life.

The similarities between this and men’s efforts to improve with women should be self-evident. Plenty of men read blogs, and invest in books, programs, or workshops to improve, but don’t quite make all of the steps necessary to put it in to practice. The video is about 40 minutes long, and well worth the time to view it:

Tony Robbins, Frank Kern, and John Reese Video.

The most important part of this video, in my mind, is this diagram that Tony draws:

The cycle of Potential-Action-Result-Belief

We all believe we have some Potential, and that Potential leads us to take the Actions that we perform. Those Actions then return a Result, and that Result either changes or reinforces our Beliefs. Our Beliefs directly effect what we believe our Potential is. The cycle continues.

This cycle can be a flat line, where nothing ever changes, it can be a downward cycle, where negative beliefs work around to negative actions, which furthers our negative beliefs, or it can be a positive cycle, that leads onwards and upwards.

Tony focuses on changing these beliefs in this video, and that is good and useful to some degree, but isn’t always the best, or most effective way to go about this.

The thing with this cycle is that there is no beginning point. Any one of these boxes can be targeted to turn this cycle into a positive, upwards cycle. You can start anywhere here, and things will improve.

For instance, take a guy with bad beliefs about his abilities and chances with women, beliefs that hold him back from taking the proper actions to get amazing results. Now put him in a hot tub with 4 Swedish bikini models that all want to take him to their room and molest him, and his inner game is gonna get fixed right away.

Those Results instantly change his Beliefs, which effects what he sees as his Potential, which will impact his Actions.

So much self help and “inner game” stuff targets the Belief portion of this cycle, and this is why I think a lot of inner game stuff is BS. Your and my Beliefs are the hardest to change out of those 4 things. After all, we have years and years of results that reinforce our beliefs.

Do you think that saying “I am sexy” 10 times to yourself in the morning can overcome being treated as unsexy since junior high? You can’t think your way out of years of experience.

I think we all have a belief about how hot of women we can get. It’s this little belief that is lurking down inside of all of us. Take the guy that thinks that he can only get girls that look so-so, let him date Megan Fox for a couple months, and his beliefs about how hot of women he can get are gonna change pretty quickly.

A strong result will do far more to change beliefs than anything else.

Here’s a real world example. I was working with a guy at a workshop a couple weekends ago, and he thought he had a problem with women. His belief was that he just didn’t quite have what it took to be successful with women, and that there was something wrong with him. I pushed him into action to talk to a woman in Union Square, and he ended up instadating her and spent an hour with her in a cafe.

That Result from his Actions did far more to change his Beliefs than inner game work could have.

Actions and Results are the fastest and easiest way to change beliefs, and with it, inner game.

This is why I have always been rubbed the wrong way when people say that they need to work on their inner game. The best way to get better Inner Game is to get better Outer Game. The inner game will improve from the outside in.

Here’s another example from my life.

I’ve noticed that I feel much more confident lately. It’s a “new level of confidence and power” (Pantera rules). I figured out what this comes from, and it comes from all the “find your purpose” crap that gets thrown around all the time.

I say it’s crap when it’s really not. It’s actually incredibly important stuff. I’ve only recently started to see the power behind this. A couple months ago I invested in some art supplies and got to work with a big art project, the first since I finished art school, other than the random drawings and doodles. I don’t need to get really deep into it, but suffice to say, creating art is VERY important to me. The world makes more sense when I create stuff.

Because I am doing this, my life feels more complete, and I have a sense of being a fuller person. I feel like I bring much more to the table when I meet a woman, and I have a rich life to bring her into, one that is very satisfying for me. If she isn’t interested, that is fine, I know that it isn’t because I have a douschy, pathetic life.

The beginning of this advance was Action. I performed an Action (started making a series of 101 prints), which led to a Result (a feeling of satisfaction about my life), which led to a Belief (I have a rich, full life to share with women), which led to Potential (more women).

Most of my inner game advances came as a result of Actions and their Results, not the other way around.

There are still specific things I remember that changed my inner game. The time I was waiting for one girl outside her apartment to pick her up for a date, when another woman called while I was waiting. There are others that I won’t share publicly here :)

I think that most inner game issues can be addressed by taking Proper Action. Proper Action will do far more for your inner game than anything else, and Results from that Action will improve your inner game far more than thinking about it will.

Magic Dolphin Women Present A Dilemma

I have a new favorite Television show, Penn & Teller: Bullsh*t. If you haven’t seen it, Penn and Teller go around debunking everything from little known facts, like the fiasco that has been rebuilding at ground zero, to well established beliefs, like recycling is good, to out their crazy stuff, like alternative medicine.

I discovered this on Netflix streaming last night, and watched a few episodes.

First, Penn and Teller leverage the fact that they are (kinda) famous and have a TV show to have a bunch of hot topless chicks dance around them all the time. The episode about alternative medicine starts out with topless cheerleaders cheering them on, two of which have a set that has been augmented by the marvel of western medicine.

When have crystal chakra baths ever given us something like that?

I have to admire these dudes for what they have created. Their job is to swear and make fun of people while hot chicks hang out all around them in varying levels of dress. They seem to be doing very well for themselves indeed.

The second thing I really got to thinking about came about when I was watching the episode about people who think that dolphins have super powers.

Yes, you read that right.

There are people who think that dolphins are higher beings with powers to heal, provide spiritual fulfillment, and help mothers to painlessly give birth. Even though dolphins are pretty much just big fish. Sure, they can swim real cool and look neat when they jump out of the water, but they are pretty much just big fish.

Anyway, there was one chick on the show that explained how the dolphins increased her natural flow of energy, and then she started squealing like a dolphin. She kept squealing and clicking like a dolphin for a while. But she was hot. She was nuts, but hot.

It made me think, could I look past the fact that a woman was nuts like this, at least if she was really hot? My tolerance for stuff considerably less than rational (i.e. dumb stuff) is fairly low. My propensity for pretty girls is fairly high though. Would these cancel each other out, or would one of these trump the other?

I’m not sure. I may have to head over to Berkeley one of these days and find out.

More on this Lifestyle Nonsense

I’m a little behind on posting, I got side tracked on other projects. I worked on a painting on Thursday night that I got thoroughly frustrated with after working on it for a few hours. I ended up scraping all the paint off of the canvas, and ended up not wanting to work on anything else.

Last night I stayed up way too late and drank way too much wine with a friend of mine. I invited her over for dinner to eat some of my healthy new groceries I said I was gonna get. Had a delightful time with her.

Now I am coming back to life, and back on track to revisit this lifestyle stuff I was talking about earlier this week. I started out the week talking about creating a healthy lifestyle for myself, and I have been doing just that.

I have been thinking about this in terms of lifestyle and habits. Lifestyle is the overall vision of how you and I want our life to be. The habits are the things we do that either makes that vision more of a reality, or less of a reality.

Some habits are good habits, and some habits are bad habits. In order to make any vision more of a reality, we have to both increase the good habits, and remove the bad habits. The reason why my vision is not reality, after all, is that I have plenty of bad habits that counteract all of my good habits.

Excising the bad habits is one of the most important, and most neglected, parts of changing any lifestyle. Bad habits can be invisible, and you and I may not even realize the effect that they have.

After thinking about this for a while, I realize another way of looking at this stuff is just strategy and tactics.

The Difference Between Strategy and Tactics

Strategy is what you want to accomplish, and tactics are the specific actions necessary to accomplish that. Things that you want to do, or results that you want to get, are strategy. Specific things to do to accomplish that are tactics.

This healthy lifestyle that I am putting together can be thought of as a couple of strategies: I will eat healthy food and exercise. I will fill my kitchen with delicious, healthy foods. I will keep my kitchen clean and clutter free.

The tactics flow from this. I change in to my jogging gear every morning when I get out of bed. I go grocery shopping every Wednesday. I clean my dishes every evening after I eat dinner.

The tactics flow out of the overall strategies, and they create the results that the strategy seeks.

Not Such A Big Deal

When I started this week of thinking about lifestyle and habits, it seemed like a much bigger topic than I thought. Once I got started though, I found out that it really isn’t that big a deal. Once I got going with a few changes, it started the ball rolling and everything went from there.

A little bit of momentum led to more momentum, and made the next step to implement these lifestyle changes easier than the previous change.

My suggestion for lifestyle change is this:

Start with the first thing, and do it today. Don’t think too much, and don’t worry. Figure out what the first thing is and decide to do it.

What do I mean by this? Every change has a first step. Determine what that should be, and get to it! The best first steps are symbolic in nature. The first step should be something that is a big change from anything you did previously, something that makes you feel like “my life is different now”.

For me, cleaning my kitchen and filling it with healthy food was a good first step. With that one action, I changed my lifestyle from eating whatever food I happened to pick up, healthy or not, to a lifestyle of eating fresh, healthy foods all the time. I’m actually writing this while eating an oat bran muffin and a nectarine with my morning coffee. Tasty.

So what change do you want to make? Do you want to flirt with more women out at bars? Smile and say “hi” to every woman you see out at the bar from now on. Do you want to meet a woman while grocery shopping? When you see a pretty girl at the store, go tell her that you didn’t mean to hit on anyone today, but that she is really cute, and made you change your mind.

There all sorts of things you can do to signify to yourself that your life is different, find one simple thing, and do it today.

Small Change, Big Result (Because Habits Cascade)

Still thinking about lifestyle change, and making an overall change in my life to having a healthy lifestyle, rather than just a few healthy habits. I will be lean, green, and mean.

It seems like a lot of habits cascade from other habits. One of my really bad habits is to pick up some food on the way home from work. I’ll stop at the taqueria and get a burrito, go to Uncle Vito’s for some heavy pasta, or get Thai takeout from King of Thai Noodle.

Not good for the health. It’s always too much food (that I eat all of anyway), and the way restaurants make their food so good is by extra helping of oil, cream, and cheese. Tasty, but not healthy.

It’s a bad habit, and is one I want to change.

Not so fast though, I realized that there are a lot of other habits I have to change to do this. Part of the reason I get take out a lot is that it is tasty, but another reason is that I don’t have much tasty food at home to make a good, healthy meal.

Another habit I need to change is to go to the grocery store often to get groceries. Makes a lot of sense. I also need to get to the farmers market on Saturday morning to get a nice bag of fruits and veggies for the week. Two new habits. Great!

Now I’m thinking about how these will fit in. One of the reasons I don’t go to the grocery store often is parking. It sucks in my neighborhood. If I move my truck, it can take a while to find a new parking spot. I never want to move my truck for just a few groceries.

Turns out that I head over to a friend’s house most Wednesday’s for our band practice. It is always more of a hang out and drink beer session than a serious band practice, but it is good fun, and it is a good time to spend time with one of my best friends. I can tack the grocery shopping on to that trip, when I’ll have to re-park my car anyway.

That was easy!

As for Saturday morning, it’s easy enough to head down to the Farmer’s Market, I just don’t think to do it. Just added a reminder in my phone for Saturday morning. That aughta do it.

Anyway, so I’m working backwards to figure out the habits that effect other habits, and addressing those. I may decide to make a habit of eating only healthy food, but if I don’t have the habit of going to buy healthy groceries often, then this isn’t really gonna stick.

The habits seem to cascade into the next, so I am working on addressing these high level habits. There are a few others that I know I can implement that will cascade down to the “end result” habits, bur I won’t bore you with the details.

This week’s posts are a week in progress, we’ll see where this takes me. Should be interesting.

Any high level habits that you can think to change?

Are You Happy With Your Lifestyle?

I’ve been thinking a bit about lifestyle lately, how it effects behavior, and more importantly, how it effects efforts to change ourselves.

I’ve struggled throughout my life to maintain a healthy, athletic weight. I gain weight from the calories in the air, and it has been pretty tough for me to keep up an ongoing exercise plan.

I’ve done all the usual goal setting with rewards, plans, and so on, and I’ve even made this work for me. This stuff has gotten me in gear and gotten me results, but it hasn’t quite stuck though in a long term sense.

I had been trying to incorporate a bunch of habits into my life, but those habits haven’t seemed to create the overall change that I have been hoping for. I can get a new habit into my life, but I never removed the old habits that are counter productive.

The other day I was watching a video online, I can’t remember if it was Tony Robbins or Frank Kern (or if it was the video with both of them). Anyway, in this video, a visualization exercise was presented. The exercise was to imagine an average perfect day.

Kinda seems contradictory, to say average and perfect, I know. The idea is that if everything in my life were just right, the big three of health, wealth, and relationships were all squared away and how I wanted them, what would an average day in that life be like?

Anyway, like an idiot I closed my eyes and got to work figuring out what that life would be like. I’ll leave out the mansion in the hills and the Swedish bikini team from the vision, and just talk about the aspect of this vision that relates to health.

What I realized is that the the overall picture of this healthy life was very different from the way I live my life now. A lot of the components were the same, like jogging, triathlon training, healthy food and lots of fruits and veggies.

I noticed that this vision was as much defined by what I did do as much as by what I didn’t do. Certain bad habits of mine weren’t there. In this vision, I don’t get dinner from Uncle Vito’s Italian Food, don’t buy a fast, unhealthy lunch instead of bringing a good lunch with me to work, and don’t stay up so late that I don’t wake up and exercise.

In fact, I could describe my vision of a healthy life as much by what was included as with what wasn’t included. What I realized is that what I saw when I envisioned a healthy life was an overall healthy lifestyle.

The lifestyle I saw would naturally lead to a strong healthy body:

  • I wake up in the morning ready to exercise, and after a jog and workout I enjoy natural, wholesome fruits and foods that made me feel invigorated in a way that lasts throughout the day. I continue to eat good food throughout the day, and eat foods that are both good for me and delicious. I have alcohol in moderation, when I have any at all. I eat healthy foods because it makes me feel good, and get a restful night sleep anticipating waking up in the morning for a new, fresh day.

My approach to getting my health in gear has been to add habits into my current lifestyle, and I should have been focusing on changing my lifestyle. By changing my lifestyle, the results I want will fall in to place.

Lifestyle is the backdrop to our habits, the things we do every day. Overall lifestyle shapes and colors all of the habits that we do every day.

I am spending this week wrapping my head around changing one aspect of my lifestyle, that of exercise, health, diet, and well being. As I wrap my head around this, I’ll be sharing my thoughts on lifestyle change.

Why does this matter? Especially on a blog about dating women? Lifestyle, and changing it, applies as much to dating and being attractive as it does to health. The ideas that are gonna go into this discussion will carry over to a change in lifestyle that includes dating more, or being more flirtatious.

Lifestyle is lifestyle, and it effects everything we do. It may be one of the most important aspects that influences our habits and our ability to change those habits.

Anyhow, check back later in the week for more on this subject.

Communication is the Key To Style

The trick to understanding style is to understand that style is ultimately a way to communicate with other people.

This post wraps up style week on my blog, and you probably noticed that each of my posts emphasized the communication that happens with style in some way. In case you missed the earlier posts, check them out!

I’m gonna wrap up this week’s posts by revisiting the ways that style communicates with others, and then I’m gonna make a good old fashioned sales pitch for the DVD set that I learned a ton about style from.

Communicates how you behave

Style can say how wild you are, how conservative you are, how much you like to go out and be social, or how much you like to stay home.

More comfortable clothes may show others that you are interested in relaxing at home, and you’re not necessarily out to be seen by folks around town.

Flashy clothes can show others that you like to engage people. Do your shirts have stuff written on them? Funny lines, etc? A person wearing a shirt like that probably wants people to talk to them. It is practically an invitation for people to engage you about that.

Clothing also communicates stuff as simple as being a motor cycle rider, that you are active, or not very active (are you wearing athletic shoes? Or flip flops?)

Wearing a big pink boa out to a club is gonna communicate that you have fun, and want people to notice you. Probably shows that you are out to party and have a good time.

This just scratches the surface, but a lot of how someone behaves can be determined by those clothing choices.

Style Communicates what is important to you

Clothing and style communicates how important clothes are to you (duh), but this indicates something even deeper, which is how important your appearance is. Is it more important that you look nice, or that you look comfortable? Is it more important to look stylish, with the latest fashions, or more important to not spend too much money on clothes?

Is social status important to you? Not important to you? Style can tell people about this by how purposefully you wear clothes that are expensive, or purposefully inexpensive.

Do you value people that dress well them self? How important is that to you? A man that is dressed in very nice designer clothes may be communicating that he is interested in women that dress up quite nice them self, rather than some artsy, hippie woman, for instance.

Same guy wearing nice jeans, shoes and glasses, but with an old, beat up t-shirt may communicate that even though he may dress nice, what other people wear isn’t as important to him.

Style Communicates how you feel about yourself

Do you like to stand out? Fit in?

Are you feeling like wearing all black? Bright colors? I have it on good authority that women know that the clothing they wear communicates how they feel, and they will choose clothing that reflects that feeling. Men do the same, though much less consciously, and not to the same degree.

Clothes can communicate how upbeat someone is feeling, or how solemn they may be. Are you feeling tough? Aggressive? Nice? Friendly? Different styles will communicate these different moods.

You can let people know what to expect from you, and how you are feeling from the clothes you choose and how you choose to wear them. Even a popped collar vs. non-popped collar signifies something about the way someone is feeling.

Style Communicates the type of women you date

Maybe this is the big one. Maybe not.

Clothing and style tell a woman the kind of women that you date.

Most importantly, you can communicate with a woman, with your choice of clothes and style, if you date women like her. A woman that is a lawyer, for instance, is going to know that a man dressed in over sized hip hop style clothes probably doesn’t date women like her. An extreme example, I know, but it demonstrates the point.

A woman will be asking herself if you are the kind of man that dates women like her, and you can demonstrate either that you are, or that you aren’t, by those style choices.

Style is Communicated to You on DVD

If you want to communicate with women on their level, and you want to better understand how to communicate the type of man you are with style, get Dress For Success.

It is Lance Mason’s Study at home DVD program that goes in depth into all of the aspects of style that I have touched on this week.

It comes with a money back guarantee, you have nothing to lose by trying it out. If it doesn’t work out, no problem, you lose nothing. If it does work, and you learn something useful that helps you get a great woman.

Click here to get Dress For Success at the Pickup 101 Website.

Now go meet a woman this nice Labor Day weekend. Talk to you on Tuesday.

Order This Drink At The Bar To Make Yourself 37.9% More Intriguing To Women

Time for some Friday fun. This post should to be taken with a grain of salt. And a slice of lime.

= = = = = = = = = =

I am about to reveal to you the secret drink to order that makes you at least 25% sexier and 32% more intriguing to women.

But before I do, I want to talk to you about why your choice of drink is so important.

That’s right, style week is moving to your style of drink.

The drink that you drink communicates quite a bit about you, and the type of night you are having. Forget your clothes, your shoes, your hair style, demeanor, and body language. The true mark of who a man is can be found in his glass.

You probably have a natural sense that this is true. When you see a man at a bar drinking a glass of wine, you can probably put together quite an impression of who he is and the type of night he is having. He’s a doosh bag. Unless he is at a wine bar. Then he’s just pretentious. Unless he’s there with a chick. Then he’s a pretentious doosh bag.

Just kidding. I don’t hate you if you like wine.

In the same vein, you can draw conclusions in your mind about the man with a bottle of Budweiser, or the guy with the Jagermeister shots (shudder).

Your drink can communicate how social you are, how drunk you are, how tasteful you are, how fancy you are, and how much of a man you are.

So this is like really really really important.

Are you ready to know what drink to order?

Your life will never be the same after this.

Here it is. This is the best drink to order at any bar ever:

Manhattan. On the rocks.

Do not order it up (in a martini glass, as it is served by default). The martini glass screams “LOOK AT ME, I CRAVE ATTENTION!” Order it on the rocks, like a man.

When a woman asks what you are drinking, and you reply Manhattan, she will know that it is a fancy drink, and she will know that it has whisky in it, because of the dark color.

Nothing says man to a woman like whisky.

Also, many people who don’t like whisky don’t like Manhattans, since bourbon (or rye) is the primary ingredient. She will think you are a real man because you can tolerate the strong, delicious, sweet, sweet flavor of Bourbon, yet know that you have class, because you aren’t drinking shot after shot of whisky.

Man. A man with taste. A man that likes fine things. A man with taste that likes fine things but doesn’t have to show off.

Be a man. Drink a Manhattan.

How To Dress On A Date

The trick to dressing well on a date is to combine good style and making it look like you didn’t over think it.

I would be pleased to over think it for you, so that you don’t have to.

I think it goes without saying that it is best to wear clothes that flatter you and fit well. Show off your good assets.

Make sure you comb your hair too. My last significant girlfriend told me that she thought I had nice hair while we were on our first date.

Oh, and while we are on the subject, make sure you take some breath mints.

…Alright, back on track.

Another thing to make sure of is that your clothes are comfortable. This serves two purposes. First, you will be comfortable doing whatever it is you end up doing. Second, when your clothes are more comfortable, it helps you feel more comfortable being with this new woman.

The last thing that should guide your decision of what to wear should be that you feel like you look good wearing whatever it is you wear. It doesn’t have to be flashy or exciting, but you should feel like you look good in the clothes you decide to wear on a date. Your dates will go better when you feel sexy and attractive.

Here are some more guidelines that you may consider following beyond these basic rules.

Show different sides of your personality.

If I meet a woman out at a bar, and I am dressed casually, or dressed looking like a rocker in my leather jacket, I often plan the first date for some evening after work, when I will be dressed in a suit and tie. I like to show, with my clothing and style, different aspects of my personality.

This is similar to what I wrote yesterday about wearing accessories that are out of place with your overall look.

There is more to who I am than one particular stereotype, and I want to convey that with the clothes I choose to wear. At this time, I am working to convey breadth of character (depth comes later).

Not many people are always the same person all the time. We vary, sometimes we are fancy, sometimes casual, sometimes upbeat, sometimes mellow, sometimes professional, sometimes sporty, and sometimes slackers.

You can communicate this by wearing a different style of clothing on your date than you did when you met her.

Dress with a goal in mind.

On most first dates, I have a very specific goal in mind. I want to get to know the woman well, and to let her get to know me well. I want to build a connection quickly. I want us to feel like we know each other better after 1 date than she did the last guy after 10 dates.

With this in mind, I often tone down how I dress. I don’t dress as fancy or as flashy as when I met her. I want to communicate that this time together will not entirely be about flash and fun, but about substance.

By toning down my dress, I mean less accessories, less hip, fashionable clothing, less elaborate shoes (not less *nice* shoes though). Essentially, I shift away from dressing like one of the extremes of any stereotype.

Of course, this tactic fits into my overall goal of building a strong connection and rapport on that date. If you have other goals in mind, you can probably think about how you can dress to help communicate those goals.

Style is Communication

You may have noticed that pretty much everything I have written about style this week comes from the perspective of how to communicate to other people with your style.

Clothing and style is a *big* part of the non-verbal communication that we put out in to the world for everyone else to see and understand. No matter what we wear and how we wear it, we are communicating to women something about ourselves.

For a complete dose of learning about the language of style, get Dress For Success. It is a set of DVDs that goes in depth into style, and how it communicates with women.

Dress For Success costs less than a nice pair of jeans and shoes, and you will never buy the wrong jeans or wrong shoes again after watching this program.

Lance, who put this program together, offers a money back guarantee on the DVD program. You’ve got 6 weeks to try it out, and if it isn’t the right thing for you, you can return it for a refund. You’ve got nothing to lose. Except maybe your old crappy clothes.

Click here to go to the PickUp 101 website and get Dress For Success.

Accessorize Your Style In To Gear

Accessorize sucka.

Accessories are sexy. Done.

Next post…

OK. I’ll elaborate.

Back In The Day

Way back in the old days, like 4 or 5 years ago, the general theory amongst all of those “pickup artist” guys was that by accessorizing (or “peacocking” as they called it to seem less gay), you gave women an easy way to start a conversation with you.

When a man is wearing a purple fuzzy hat, a woman can come up to him and comment on the hat without having to take the lead and approach a man to start the conversation. It was a safe way for women to start things without having to actually put on the pants and approach the guy. It’s safe to talk to the guy in the funny hat after all. Kinda.

So anyway, this works.

I used to wear a steel chain with a padlock on it. You know, like Sid Vicious. Whenever I wore that chain, a woman would comment on it. It was like a woman magnet.

[I also had this girl that would bite on it when we were, you know, intimate. Good god that was hot. Holy shit.]

Anyway, I pretty much always agree with the notion that men should be the ones to approach, and women shouldn’t have to approach a man and get things started.

These kind of accessories give a woman a way to get a man’s attention, and start a conversation, without technically having to approach.

It is up to you, as the man, to keep things going after this though.

Put on some sexy

Accessories, for better or worse, are sexy.

The only thing I can think of that might explain this is that accessories don’t serve a functional purpose, so when we wear accessories, we ornament out bodies. The only reason to ornament something is to bring attention to it, so when we ornament our bodies with accessories, we bring attention to our body. There’s always something sexy about bringing attention to bodies.

I just made all that up, so don’t quote me on that. It sounds pretty right on to me though.

Regardless of the reason, accessories are sexy, and they display some sexuality.

For this reason, I think that accessories are a good thing to add to your outfit. Get a cool necklace, rings, belts, buckles, earrings, bracelets, piercings, tattoos, etc.

Turn Her Upside Down

What I really like to do with accessories is to throw something in to the mix that doesn’t make sense.

If I am dressing pretty nicely in designer jeans, a button shirt and nice blazer, I might wear a leather bracelet with metal studs on it. It can’t really be seen form a distance, but may show through from time to time when I am talking to someone. The metal studs don’t fit with the rest of the outfit, and when a woman sees them, it can disrupt the impression she has of me.

I remember one time I was on a coffee break from work at Peet’s Coffee. I pulled out my shiny silver wallet, and the girl working at the counter said that she did not expect that wallet to come out of those slacks. I was wearing a nice fitted suit and tie at the time, so yeah. It didn’t fit with the rest of my look. In that moment I communicated some aspect of my personality that didn’t fit with the rest of my look.

What I attempt to do when I accessorize in this way is to make sure that I am countering whatever impression the rest of my outfit might be giving. I had a buddy who was a big guy, who would go out with a surfer/rocker look. He would wear a necklace with a turtle on it specifically to soften his look, and to subvert the idea of being a hardcore surfer guy.

I have had women ask about these types of accessories when they notice them on me, because they want to try to find out how this fits in to who I am. This is a good thing. These accessories convey that I am a more complicated person than I may seem.

We all simplify people in our mind, categorize them and decide what we think of them. I want to take whatever impression and categorization a woman has made of me and turn it on its head.

It makes me more interesting :)

Figure Out What Works Best For You

What is gonna look best on you?

The best way to figure this out is to try stuff. I used to accessorize far more than I do now. I have worn accessories that I am ashamed to admit to. Some pretty embarrassing stuff. I learned quite a bit about my personal sense of style by experimenting a bit.

If you are haven’t worked accessories into your style much in the past, just go out and buy a couple things, maybe a ring, necklace, and bracelet, and wear them. See how you feel, and see if they work for you.

It may take a few trials to find the right look for you. That’s good if it does.

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This post has been brought to you by Pantera and cheap wine from the corner store.