You are not your toys and your comics

This is the second in a series of posts on Dating for Dorks. I admitted a lot of my geeky indulgences yesterday. I am a dork.

For the few years after I graduated college, I was kind of, well, depressed. I was dealing with the sudden realization that my life would be no more than what I made of it, and that was coupled with the pain of losing the love of my life.

I got into this funk, and a lot of how I spent my time was reading comics and watching anime. Not very cool.

I eventually got out of my funk, but a lot of my geeky habits stayed.

I learned that obsessing over these hobbies of mine would not really be the best of ways to meet women. I got this idea from the fact that my female friends would roll their eyes whenever I brought up comics, cartoons, or Gundam.

My love of comics is a part of who I am, and I am happy about that. I love comic books, and believe in it as a medium for entertainment, storytelling, and art. But that’s not all I am.

If you took away my comics, kept me from buying more, and stopped me from ever seeing my comic geek buddies, I would still be a full person, with plenty of varying hobbies and interests. While I do love comics, I do not let that define me.

I think that where some guys go wrong is that they let their geeky habit define them to the point that they seem obsessed with it. If your geeky hobby were completely taken away from you, would you be left with other things in your life to define you?

If you would still have a fun, fulfilling life, then no problem. You’re not a hard case. If, without these things, you have trouble figuring out what you’re all about, then I suggest taking a look at that. That is a sign that maybe you could fill up your life with more stuff other than your geeky hobbies.

I don’t want anyone to change who they are, particularly not so that they can meet women. What I do want is for us to grow, and become fuller people with richer lives.

I’m saying all of this based on an assumption. I’m gonna assume that you, being dorky like you are, aren’t interested in dating a woman who is as much of a geek as you. If you are looking for that, then go out and find it. Figure out where women that like what you like are, and go meet them.

If you have trouble talking about something that excites you in your life without talking about Blackest Night, or how the new Trek movie was a travesty to the former glorious Star Trek legacy, then I think you will have trouble talking to a woman who isn’t interested in these things.

Any man that wants to meet and date women that are not interested in the same geeky stuff may have some trouble relating to a non-geeky girl.

(On a side note, women have their own geeky stuff, it’s just called Sex In The City instead of Star Wars)

The first thing that you’ve gotta do when you’re a geek is to move beyond your geeky habits, and add more to your life so that your geekeries are just one part of an overall full life.

Coming up next: How, and when, to share your love for all things geek with women.

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