I was hanging out in the Marina District one weekend. I ran into my friend Shawn, in addition to a bunch of other folks I knew.
“I still get nervous and full of anxiety when it is time to approach a girl” he told me.
Interlude: Earlier that night I was hanging out with my friend Ben, who was visiting from New York for the weekend. Ben and I decided that we wanted to have one of those nights where we drink a lot and have a good ol’ time together.
We were in the back room of the Matrix with a couple other friends, and two girls walk around the corner.
“There you are, we’ve been waiting all night for you guys,” I say to them as soon as I see them.
Ben doesn’t skip a beat, “Yeah, where have you been?”
He pulls one over to him, and I pull one over to me, and we start bantering and flirting with them. Standard protocol.
Eventually the girls left, we had a half hour of fun with them, then they went off on their merry way. Neither Ben nor I were particularly interested in these girls, we were just having a good ol’ time.
So I told Shawn about what happened earlier when I was hanging out with Ben. There was no anxiety or nervousness because there was no actual approach. We were having fun, and they were there. Of course I said something to them.
When you are out in a bar or a club, there are always women around you to talk to and flirt with.
The way to not get anxious and nervous when you approach is to not approach in the traditional sense at all. Don’t stand there, think about how you want to approach her, then approach her. This is going to make you nervous as can be.
Approaching should be a lot more spontaneous when you are out at a bar or a club. If you are having fun yourself, this is going to make your interactions go all the more better. When you approach spontaneously, there won’t be a chance for your fun to turn into nervousness.
If you’re gonna go to bars and clubs to meet women, make sure you are having fun first.
Now go meet some women!
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If you are wondering what to say, or how to start interactions like this with women, check out the Art of Attraction workshop. We spend two and a half days learning exactly this, part of which is spent out in bars and clubs. In fact, if you take the workshop in San Francisco, chances are you will go to the very bar that all of the above took place at, and talk to some gorgeous women too..