The Pickup Artist, Episodes 1 and 2

I admit it. I got wrapped up in a reality TV show. I have been watching The Pickup Artist on VH1. Well, actually I have been watching it on iTunes because I don’t have a TV, but same difference.

It is interesting to me for a couple reasons. I teach guys how to “pick up” girls, so I can claim that it is professional interest. Also, I have worked with a lot of guys like these guys on this show. They are good guys that have a lot to give to a woman. Some are really dorky, sure, but hey so are some of the best of us. It is also interesting because I have met Mystery. It was really brief, but I met him at a talk he gave at Project San Francisco a couple years ago.

Mostly it is just an exciting drama, like most reality TV. I got the sense from my buddy Niels (who was on Beauty and the Geek) that there is a bit more “TV” than “reality” in reality TV. Some people I know have complained that it is too bad they have to eliminate a guy each week, because they all need the training, and it is true. They gotta kick someone off though for the tension and drama blah blah blah.

There are a couple lessons from a couple of these guys.


Spoon was the young kid who was really nervous. He was also the one that wanted to be sent home during the first elimination. The sad thing is that he had the potential in him to do just fine. Talking to women became really emotionally hard for him. His internal resistance to making this change was huge. This points out a huge truth.

It can be incredibly hard to make this change.

You have to confront your own anxiety, discomfort, and nervousness. He knows the changes he has to make, but his emotions that he needs to confront to do it are too big.

I hope he does make the changes that he wants for himself.


Fred is the 45 year old virgin. He is reluctant to accept the teachings of Mystery. He seems stuck in his way. He is so stuck, that he won’t try new things. What is worse is that he makes “logical excuses” about why he doesn’t want to use the teachings of Mystery. He says he wants to be spontaneous, and that canned material makes him feel fake. I have an argument that his “real” self is just as fake, it is just the persona he is comfortable with.

He seems like the kind of guy that has found the routine that he is comfortable with, and even if that routine doesn’t work, he will stick with it.

He needs to take a risk to act outside of his normal routine, adn to have the humility to admit to himself that his current routine just isn’t working.

I hope all these guys the best, and hope they all make huge improvements to their life.

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