Are you good with women?
Chances are that if you are reading this blog you either are good with women or are on your way to becoming good with women. Chances also are it was not always this way for you.
Last weekend, during PickUp 101’s flagship workshop, the Art of Rapport, I was working with a man who told me that for years of his life he was not good with women, and that he felt like 20 years of his life were working against him becoming this new person.
I really related with this guy. I remembered something I wrote about a year and a half ago on a local message board:
I have been wrestling with something internally lately, and if any of you have any comments, I would appreciate them. It is something that I think of as MAKING THE LEAP.
I was at El Rio last night. I almost didn’t come out cuz I knew I was in a weird mental state, but I forced myself for my mental health. I didn’t do any approaches, and I ended up heading home pretty early. It wasn’t approach anxiety stopping me, because that doesn’t stop me anymore. It wasn’t one-itis over either of the girls I’m working on right now, because that doesn’t stop me anymore either. It wasn’t lack of confidence either, because I have that when I need it.
I have the knowledge, and I have the confidence, and I have enough skill and charm to succeed, but I have a lot of trouble sometimes just letting go and BEING all this stuff.
What I am having trouble with is making the leap to adopting the identity of being successful with women, and being completely confident and congruent with this. I am having trouble being comfortable as a pick up artist.
Everything I have learned in the last year in the community has made a profound impact on me, but I am having trouble letting go of the old person I was and have been for the last umpteen years, and becoming the person I have the potential to be. This is the biggest thing holding me back from having the success I am capable of, but I haven’t quite been able to shake it.
Does this make sense? Has anyone had to make this kind of leap? How did you do it?
Or do I just need to say “f*ck it”, make the leap, and try to keep my feet running when I land?
As my student was explaining this feeling to me, I recalled how I used to feel. Then, I had a flash. I told him that he was good with women. He kind of reluctantly agreed.
So I told him, “Tell me. Tell me you are good with women”
He kind of looked down, and said, “I am good with women”
“Tell me again!”
Same thing, he looked down, and said, “I am good with women”
“NO! Look into my eyes and tell me you are good with women”
He looked in my eyes, and flinched when he said, “I am good with women”
One last time I told him, “look in my eyes, don’t flinch, don’t look away, and tell me… that you are good with women”
He looked in my eyes and said, “I AM GOOD WITH WOMEN”
It was very powerful. By owning those words, I could tell that he was owning how it felt.
Find a friend, look into their eyes and tell them, “I AM GOOD WITH WOMEN.” You might surprise yourself.