I was shipped up to Sacramento for my day job, so I gave my buddies (and fellow coaches) Eric and Jeremy a call so we could hit the town on a wild Tuesday!
We meet up and head to a nice mexican restaurant, we sit outside on the patio. Next to a table of cute girls. So of course, I start flirting with them. I just slide my seat back till I am near them and rip off some banter. Our waitress shows up, and Eric and Jeremy are flirting with her. It was quite an extravaganza!
Highlight: at one time, I took a big bite of my big jalapeno pepper, and my mouth starts to BURN. Our waitress comes by, so I ask for some water as I wipe away tears. We had already asked for some from one of the busboys. Our waitress brings our water, and my mouth is saved. The busboy comes back with three glasses of water for us, but we already have water! I tell him, “give them to the girls next to us”. He kind of looks at me funny, I say, “yeah, tell them that ‘these are from the gentlemen at the next table'”. He is a little shocked, then he finally sees the humor in this, and does it. The chicks crack up, we have a big cheers together with our water. Too much fun.
It was a great warm up. We made the women next to us smile and laugh, and we made our waitress’s night.
So we head to THE happening place in Sacramento, some little bar that has crappy euro-band night on Tuesday. We see three girls standing outside, so we go up so I can ask for a cigarette. We make friends, and these girls become our home base for the night, ie. our new friends that we hang out with when we aren’t chatting up other women.
So we head in the bar, and we are chatting with our home base girls, and I see three cute Persian girls sitting at the bar. I go to the one I think is cutest and start talking. She had been glancing over at me, so I knew that she would be warm to me approaching. Her name is S. I ask her about all the people dressed as pirates (it was pirate night apparently) or something like that. Banter a little, then start to vibe. I find out where she is from, how long she has been in the US, how she knows her friends. Speaking of friends, I introduced myself to them as quickly as possible. Her friends leave us for a few minutes to chat, and then they come back and bring her to the dance floor.
I go back to my mingling and bouncing around, talking to people.
S comes back from the dance floor, and I run into her, and start talking. We have a really good vibe going on, so I ask if she comes to SF ever. She does, so I tell her that we need to hang out. I ask for her phone, then dial my number and call my phone. I answer, and we chat for a bit on the phone while standing right next to each other. I stole the whole thing from something Lance shared at Charismatic Conversations last weekend. At this point she mentions that we hardly know each other, and so I tell her that I will get to know her.
At this point, we keep talking, because I am not gonna just get her number and bolt. She starts to ask some interesting questions. She asked why I don’t have a girlfriend if I am such an outgoing, friendly guy. Now, the thing is, she wasn’t asking in kind of an antagonistic way, what some might think of as “tests”, she was trying to get to what I really thought about her. My feeling was that she wanted to find out if I was being genuine about this, and not just playing around. So I used the super powerful technique: the truth. I told her I recently broke up with my last girlfriend, we were dating for about 8 months, and it ended because I wasn’t ready to get quite so serious.
We chat a bit more, and her friends come back. I tell them that her and I are friends now, and ask if they are OK with that. They agree, then leave us alone again. Good job checking in. S asks me what I think of her friends, and asks if I like one of them. I tell her that I like her.
Then she looks at me and asks, “Why?”
Damn. She was essentially asking what I see in her that makes me want to know her. Everything we teach about why rapport is so important, this girl just nailed it to me. I make a warm read about how honest and friendly she is, much more so than others, and that is rare. I see that this is my chance to really dig deep with this girl, so I go with that. She shares that she is really open about what she thinks and feels, and we talk about how important that is to her, and why she feels that is the best way to be. By the end of this I am definitely feeling that we know each other on a much deeper level.
Now, at this point something strange happened, and I could have blown it. She said something like, “guys… serious… tell them… can’t touch me unless they give me a ring…” Now, it was loud, so I was having trouble hearing, but I thought she was basically saying that she doesn’t get physical with guys unless they are really serious about a committed relationship. I think to myself that if this is how she feels, there is nothing I can do, and we are at a cross roads.
I tell her, “I think we are in very different places right now, and I am not sure if this will work out.” She clarifies that she meant that that was what she tells guys that end up being jerks to her, and that she isn’t looking for anything serious at this time, but just taking it as it comes. What was really interesting about this was that at this moment I was completely ready to walk away from this, despite all the emotional investment I had made so far. I think it is important to be able to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes in the moment of excitement of meeting someone it can be hard to realize that something just isn’t right for you. I realized I have come far to be able to check in with myself and stick to my guns when the time is right.
In this case it was just a misunderstanding though, and everything worked fine!
We chat for a bit more, then it is time for her to leave. We stand facing each other, holding each others hands, and I tell her that I look forward to seeing her soon. She agrees. She tells me that she comes to SF a lot, so we should be able to see each other again soon. I tell her I will send her a message tomorrow, and she says she will be looking forward to it. We look in each others eyes for just a little too long, I squeeze her hands, she squeezes back, and it is time for her to leave.
I hang out with the guys for a bit more, enjoy a couple beers, chat with some more folks, and eventually call it a night and make the drive back to SF.